Jump In
by LivingLiberation
Summary: Weekly updates, maybe more! They say relationships are difficult, and I fully believe that. But me? Im going to jump right in.
1. Ch 1

You know those mornings where you wake up in the dim gray light, really early, and you're listening to the person beside you breathing. Their breath is long and even and it almost pulls you back to sleep. You're laying there and you are awake but no noise is reaching your ears. You crack your eyes and take in the low light peeking through the blinds and making the curtains shimmer, the light resting on the stuff in the room. You're safe in the amniotic fluid grey light, and you don't remember your problems. Nothing can touch you here. It's bliss.

—page break—

Did anyone ever tell you that your lips are a sin?

Or that your eyes are the oceans drawing them in?

—page break—

I woke up with a knee in my back, Fiona always did like spreading out. I was tired and sticky from last nights sweating at the club so all I wanted was a shower. I got up slowly so I wouldn't wake Fi and tiptoed out of the room as quietly as I could. Fiona deserved as much sleep as she could get. No one else was up yet so it was still pretty early, and being a Sunday I probably had another half hour before anyone else was up. I loved being surrounded by the Gallagher's but sometimes a little peace and quiet was welcome too.

I made my way down the hall grabbing a clean towel outside of the bathroom. As I was about to open the door Lip sidestepped out of his shared room.

"Hey, Lyd. I thought you left last night?"

"Oh, no.. Fi made me stay. Didn't want my mom to see me stumbling off my ass," I said with a little laugh. "I was just gonna shower, you need the bathroom?"

"Uh, yeah. I'll be right out."

"Okay," I said with a smile. I would never tell anyone but, Lip always fascinated me. He cared about his family so much and helped whenever he could. All on top of making straight A's... for multiple people. He wasn't bad to look at either. Okay, he was hot. But I had known the Gallagher's for a long time, and if he had any interest in me he never showed it.

Soon after going in he ducked back out and nodded to me a little.

"It's all yours."

I smiled at him and gave my thanks before heading in and locking the door behind me. Carl had a habit of 'accidentally' walking in while I was in the shower or changing clothes.

I tried to shower as quickly as possible not wanting to use all of their hot water. It was always so refreshing to shower after a night of dancing like a fool. The dancing took my mind off of my mother but the next day shower slowly drenched me in reality. She wasn't doing well. Years of drinking when she was younger, and probably doing drugs that she wouldn't admit to, had killed her liver, which had been weak since she was born. She tried to hide her sickness, and was successful for a long time, but she hid it for so long that surgery was out of the question for her now. Even if they found her a viable liver. All we could do now was help stem the pain.

Stepping out of the shower I tried to wring most of the water out of my long black hair, which was almost always futile. It had been long enough now that I figured Fiona would be up and willing to let me borrow some clothes for the day. I wrapped the oversized towel under my arms and stepped out into the hall. It was still quiet but I could hear Lip and Fiona talking quietly in the kitchen.

Knowing she wouldn't really mind I went back in Fiona's room and grabbed my bra, one of Fi's tank tops and a pair of jean shorts. When I was dressed I walked out and down to the kitchen where I could smell something near rancid. Frank. He was stumbling around the table at trying to go through his two eldest into the living room. Presumably to pass out on the couch.

"Jeez, Frank. Didn't anyone ever tell you a nice dip in the river could do wonders for that piss you call body odor?"

"And a good morning to you sweet Lydia. You know I never thought of that." Frank, always a one for sarcasm. "I figured my ungrateful brats would at least allow their loving father a bath in the house he owns."

"You don't live here Frank," I said.

Slurring he yelled, "Well neither do you!"

"Frank, don't make me get the bat." Lips face was set in a red glare. "She's welcome here, you aren't."

"Yeah Frank, just get out," chimed Fiona.

"Well fine! I'll just go find someone who actually cares about me!"

"Good luck with that. You've either pissed off or pissed on everyone you know. And you smell rancid Frank." I said as I walked to the fridge. I had my own shelf of groceries on the door that I had bought the other day. Fi didn't mind as long as I didn't let anything expire. I of course told her to use anything there if she wanted it, I use their water and electricity after all. Chipping in was no problem to me.

After pulling the door open and reaching in the door was harshly slammed on my hand and wrist.

"OW, Jesus FUCK Frank!" I yelled. Suddenly an even angrier Lip grabbed Frank by the nape of his worn jean jacket and hurled him towards the door as Fiona ran and got the Killing Bat. She yanked the back door open when she got back in the kitchen and held the bat up incase Frank tried to come back into the house after Lip threw him on the floor of their back porch. I was sitting on the floor next to the fridge when the door finally slammed in Franks face and got locked. My wrist most definitely wasn't broken but it hurt like hell and was either sprained or bruised to high heaven. Lip walked over to me and gently grabbed my arm. He still looked extremely pissed.

"Did he break your hand? If it's broken I'm gonna bash in his face."

"No, it's not broken. It'll be fine, I think it's just—"

"I'm gonna call V to come take a look at it." Fiona said, as she walked into the living room.

"Really Fi you don't have to do that I'm sure it's fine." Actually as I looked at it it was getting kinda dark kinda quick. Lip looked at me and quirked his eyebrows. I could hear Fi on the phone.

"What?"

"It's purple."

"It was just the fridge door! How bad could it really be?" As I said that the front door opened and I could hear V. When I looked she was carrying gauze, tape, and what looked like an old wrist brace.

"Alright Lyd, hand over the hand." She walked right past me and Lip sitting by the fridge and went to the table. Lip helped me up and we walked over and sat in front of her.

"Jesus, how heavy is that door?"

"It's not as bad as it looks."

"Oh honey, that's at least a sprain. And that bruising isn't going away any time soon. It's already swelling, why don't you have any ice on this?" As she said that Lip stood to go get a rag of ice.

"It just happened V."

"Well, you were already at the fridge. Can you move it?"

I tried moving it gingerly, I could easily move my wrist back and forth but when it came to flexing my fingers... yikes. I sucked in a breath between my teeth.

"Uh huh, that's what I thought. Keep that ice on it for a minute." Lip handed me the ice in a damp rag.

"Thanks." He nodded and sat down at the table with a beer. He still looked pretty angry.

"Hey, turn that frown upside down Gallagher. I'll be fine." Suddenly Ian and Debbie came bouncing down the stairs.

"What do you mean you'll be fine? What happened?" Ian looked concerned.

"Fucking Frank slammed Lyd's arm in the fridge." Lips frown deepened for a minute.

"Why would daddy do that?"

"Because he's an asshole Debs," Fiona said as she walked by with a beer for herself and I.

"I'm sure he didn't mean to!"

"Whatever you say Debs," I said waving my purple swollen hand at her and taking a sip of my beer.

"Holy shit, that looks bad," Ian said as he grabbed my wrist to get a better look.

"He better be glad he didn't break it," Lip said with a dark look.

"Alright Mr. Protective move over I gotta wrap it." V grabbed my hand from Ian and started wrapping the gauze around the base of my palm.

"Keep those fingers as straight as you can and together for me." I grunted a bit as she started wrapping the fingers. After she wrapped it she put the brace on my hand.

"Where did you get a full hand brace?"

"Last nursing job I had, you could lift anything off one of those nursing carts and no one would ever know. The nurses are more worried about taking their patients meds than they are about distributing them. Old lady fell out of a bed and broke her hand, I snagged the spare brace."

"Very resourceful." By now all the Gallagher's were gathered round the table eating, Carl was less interested because he came down after it was being wrapped.

"Fi I hope you don't mind I snagged a tank and some shorts."

"No don't worry about it, I'll probably borrow something of yours another time any way. All right kids ante up." She started passing around a box that the kids started tossing money in. I grabbed forty out of the slit in the fabric of my bra and tossed it in.

"Why are you putting money in the box?" Carl asked.

"I use your water don't I? And keep food in your fridge."

"Okay so with that we're only ten short for the electricity bill, thanks Lyd. Anybody?"

Debs threw in ten from her box upstairs and said "I won this in a bet with Holly Herkimer. She bet that Poly Anderson's babies wouldn't be born in April because she was having twins and they took longer to cook."

"Holly Herkimer is an idiot," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"You got that right," she said with a smile.

"Alright Girlie, you keep that hand elevated and take some ibuprofen and come see me in a week. You don't have to keep wrapping it but wear the brace a lot ok? Even when you're sleeping." V knew I would try and sleep without it if she didn't tell me I had too.

"Alright, Alright Ms. Bossy. If anything I should probably head out. I gotta go check on Mama." Ian and Lip both looked up.

"You need some company? We haven't seen your mom in a minute."

"Sure, she'd probably love to see you two," I said smiling. "Just let me run up and grab my bag."

When I get back downstairs both the boys are ready and with the correct shoes on.

"You ready?" Lip asks.

"Yeah let's head out! We'll see you later guys, bye Fi!!"

"Bye! You guys be careful!!"

"We will," we all say in unison.

—page break—

Hi there! If you're enjoying this please like and comment!

This is a story that I have started writing on Wattpad under the name Drop4Lunar and I decided that I wanted to put it here to! I figured it would be easiest to get it to readers this way!

I don't own Shameless and I won't make money from this story here!

I'm going to try and update as often as possible!!

Have a good day!


	2. Ch 2

Have you ever tried to find beauty in the world? Random beauty that kept your mind racing, and your heart aching? I think I found it once. It was a teenaged boy with ice in his eyes and fire in his heart. He wore low slung boxers and a bare chest with pride as he sat on the steps of a back porch. A cigarette hung on his lips and wisps of smoke curled around his ears and in his hair. The light of the moon cast shadows on his face but you could see it reflecting in his red rimmed eyes. The desperation in those eyes, it was beautiful. The emotion was palpable.

———pb———

Did you know when you smile your eyes start to shine?

Did you know I wish you were mine?

———pb———

I was walking between Lip and Ian on the way back to my house. Lip had his eyebrows furrowed as Ian and I talked about work.

"I don't understand how you've been able to pull off these late nights at the Kash. Whenever it's time for me to leave Lisa punches my time card for me. Even if I'm checking out a customer!"

"I guess that's just the benefit of having Kash's shift. He stays later so I stay later."

Over the past couple of weeks I was beginning to think that Ian had a thing for Kash. I knew he was gay and had known for a long time, but I didn't think he would really go for an older married guy. Seemed kinda skeevey to me. I don't think Lip knew about Ian either but it wasn't really my secret to tell.

"Yeah well, If I didn't need the day hours I would so switch."

"How did the GED testing go?"

"Well, Lip. Your girl may have pulled through. The lady said that it was the fastest anyone's ever finished the test before."

"Could mean you failed."

"Oh stuff it Lip you know she's just as smart as you."

"Nah, it's ok I could've failed. I got a job for now at least." Lip smirked at me.

"You'll make it, if you want I could recommend some kids that need their SAT's taken. Unisex names and everything."

"I'll leave that market to you big guy. Gonna find my own horizon." He laughed a bit, a twinkle in his eyes. The cigarette behind his ear made him look mature but boyish at the same time.

"Okay, Lyd, now don't get pissy with me. But how is Billy Marshall supposed to help you with those new horizons?"

"Ian—"

"No, no! Hear him out."

"Lip!"

"What?" He put on a fake innocent face.

"Lydia... Billy Marshall is an asshole."

"You don't even know him! He can be so sweet!"

"The only person that's a bigger asshole than Billy, is Mickey Milkovich."

"Ian, that is so harsh! Lip, you think he's an asshole?"

"I'm not getting into this." His jaw had a slight tick like he wanted to say it though. "Oh my god everyone hates my boyfriend!"

"We do not hate him," Ian said. Lip cocked his head and his eyebrows jumped as if that wasn't completely truthful. "We just think that you could do better."

I shook my head in disbelief. Billy had always been nice to me. "Well I'll keep that in mind," I said with an exasperated chuckle.

By this point we're we're nearly at my house and I was hoping my mother would be able to get up and about today. Lately she's been confining herself to one spot in the living-room and watching crap tv while waiting for me to come home. She used to get up every morning and sit at the table drinking coffee, eating breakfast, and reading the newspaper before puttering around the house dusting what was already clean and straightening the straight stack of magazines before reading some book or other. I asked her what she was reading the other day and she said that she hadn't picked up a book in months.

"So. What should we expect when we walk in? Has she been doing ok?"

"Well, she's started to just sit around a lot more. She never really wants to eat, no matter what I make. So she's been losing a lot of weight. How long has it been since you guys have seen her? Three, four months?"

"Sounds about right, you think Ian?"

"Yeah, I think so," he said nodding.

"Then she's definitely lost weight since you saw her... the doctor thinks I should put her in assisted living."

"Shit... that bad."

"Yeah, that bad. She hates it though, the idea of it. I told her it would be the home V works at so she would at least know somebody but she started throwing this big hissy fit. I told her we wouldn't put her in one unless it was absolutely necessary. It was the only way to calm her down."

The more I thought about it the more serious it felt. Our neighbor Jenny comes over to check on her when I'm not home, I told her if it was any bother to let me know. I don't want to be known as the kid who roams free while they let their sick mother rot at home. In fact last night was the first time in three months that I actually went out with Fiona. But Jenny just lost her 18 year old cat and said she needed someone for company. I figured one night wouldn't be so bad.

"I can't believe that there's nothing they could do." Ian was shaking his head woefully.

"I can believe it. She hid this from everyone. She hid it so long that there wasn't anything we could do." I was angry just thinking about it. How could I have not noticed?

We were at the steps to my front door now. I could hear the tv rumbling through the door and I could just tell that we were going to walk in and see her sitting on one end of the couch and her eyes were going to be hazily staring at whatever drivel they ran at 10:37 on a Sunday morning.

"It's gonna be okay, Lyd. She's strong. Hell, if our Aunt Ginger is still alive I'm sure your mom will be fine." His words were supposed to be reassuring I knew, but what kind of life could she have? I took a deep breath and nodded once to myself before walking up the steps to our door and walking in. Like I predicted there she sat.

"Hey, Mama. I brought some company." She stared at the television for a minute as we filed into the living room. When she looked up a smile broke out on her face.

"Hey, Mrs. Walsh!" They said in unison. Lip took a few steps forward to lean down and give her a hug.

"Long time, no see," he said with a smile.

"Hello boys! Lydia, why didn't you tell me they were coming with you? I would have cleaned up a bit, I look a mess!"

"Mrs. Walsh. You are beautiful just the way you are." She smiled and blushed at Lip's comment like she was a teenager again.

"You always were a flirt Lip Gallagher. Ian honey, how have you been?"

As they settled into idle chitchat I stepped into the kitchen to grab some sodas for us and a bottle of water for my mom. On the fridge there was a note from Jenny.

'Sweetheart,

You need to come see me when you get home. I think it's time.

Jenny'

Have you ever felt the floor disappear beneath your feet and wondered what kept you afloat? It's surreal, your whole body turns to gelatin with a throbbing heartbeat. The bottle of water I'd had in my hand fell to the floor and rolled.

"Lydia, are you okay in there honey?... Lydia?" I almost couldn't find my voice.

"I— I'm okay mom. Just dropped a water bottle." I think my voice cracked but I couldn't really hear myself.

"I'll go give her a hand Mrs. Walsh." I heard his footsteps head towards the kitchen as I slid down the door of the fridge to sit once again in the floor of a kitchen. I was so beginning to hate refrigerators.

Lip turned the corner and saw me sitting, quickly he grabbed the water and crouched in front of me.

"Hey, what—" he noticed the note in my hand. Taking it gently he glanced over it and sat down next to me with a burst of air.

I couldn't see. But I didn't know if my vision was blacking out or if it was tears that we're trying to spill. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled my head to his chest. I couldn't cry. I couldn't let her know I was this upset.

"Lydia..." I took a deep breath of air and held it for a few seconds.

"I should bring her, her water." He hadn't let me go yet. I hadn't tried to move. "I can't let her know, Lip. I have to get up." I shifted a little on the floor and he pulled my head up from his chest. Looking me in the eyes he nodded a bit. He stood up, taking the water with him and grabbed my good hand to pull me off the floor. I took a few more steadying breaths before she spoke again.

"Lydia, are you two alright in there? I know kitchens are romantic, but I'm sure Ian is thirsty!" I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment and laughed internally at the thought. My mother thought that Lip and I were having a romantic moment while I had a mini panic attack in our kitchen floor because I needed to put her in a home.

"You know it's not like that Mama, I'm with Billy!" I said trying to laugh it off, I grabbed the sodas handing one to Lip and putting Ian's under my elbow to carry it. After another deep breath I walked back into the living room with Lip and a small smile.

"Here you go Mama, drink it all okay?"

I handed her the water bottle before giving Ian his soda and sitting next to him on the love seat, he looked at me with questions in his eyes. Lip sat next to Mama.

"Oh you, you always fuss over me. I'm fine Lydia Ann." The note in the kitchen says different. I smiled at her and shook my head as she went to open her water bottle. She sat there for a moment seemingly twisting with all of her might. I started to breath heavily before Lip gently grabbed the bottle from her and opened it.

"Here you go, Mrs. Walsh."

"Thank you sweetheart, I swear they make those things harder and harder to open."

"Mama do you want anything to eat?"

"No dear, I think I'm just going to wait for dinner, you know my appetite these days." It's non existent. "I get so full when I eat I feel like I can't take another bite for a week!"

"Ok, well I think we need to be going alright Mama? I have to go help out at the Kash N' Grab, but I wanted to check in on you first." Again Ian looked at me with those pressing questions. Lip shook his head at him.

"Oh well alright dear. You tell Ms. Jenny next door that she's welcome anytime."

"Okay Mama, I will," I say with a brittle smile. The tears are coming back, I need to get out. The house is too clean... to quiet. The drone of the television is white noise and its simultaneously under and overwhelming. I stand up as quickly as I can without tipping Mama off and wave for Lip and Ian to follow.

"Alright Lydia dear, be safe," please don't say it Mama. "I love you!" Stabbing pain.

I took a slow breath. "I love you too, Mama." We walked out the door.

———pb———

So I am trying to post as often as I can, but it's pretty easy because so far I really like this story!

Give a comment or a like!

Thanks! :)


	3. Ch 3

There is something oddly chilling about an empty house. It seems less like a home. When moving out of a house you are essentially shedding your shell like a crab, in search of a better fit. The blank canvas of an empty room can only give you echoes of a memory. You see things that you never noticed when it was full of junk and furniture. You see how imperfect the shell is. But you remember how comfortable it made you feel.

——————pb——————

Did you know that your smile could melt ice?

Did you know that's what keeps my heart in a vice?

——————pb——————

It had been two days since Jenny left the message at my house. Lip and Ian had gone with me to talk to her. She helped me make the call to assisted living and get a room set up for her. My dads life insurance was set aside just for this in his will, but neither he or I expected it to be used so soon. I called her doctor and told him what was happening and he said that it would be good for her, that her life expectancy would rise with round the clock medical care. I still hadn't told her yet.

She didn't know I was packing her clothes, or that a car was coming to pick her up today. She didn't know that I was betraying her.

I never realized how little clothing she had until I was forced to put it all in her luggage. It only took two large suitcases to have all of her clothing packed up, then a small bag for all of her shoes. She thought I was up in my room writing, like I usually do.

When I finished packing her last bag, toiletries, I sat them all in the hallway next to her bedroom door. I went in my room and tried to call Billy for the fourth time today. I hadn't heard from him in days and usually I would be worried but I had seen him riding down the road with a few of his friends yesterday. Ian was right. Billy Marshall is an asshole.

"Lydia honey, there's someone at the door. Could you come get it please?"

Quickly running down the stairs I opened the front door. My heart was in my throat and the nerves were building quickly, they were early. It was a major shock to find that it was Lip and Ian instead.

"Oh, hey... What are you doing here?" I was completely shocked. I'd had no idea they were coming to see my mom off.

"You said today was the day right?" Lip asked as he shuffled on his feet.

"Yeah, um..." I glanced over my shoulder looking for my mom. "She doesn't know yet."

"You haven't told her?" Ian asked.

"She threw such a big fit the other week about not needing any help... I couldn't tell her. She's gonna hate me."

"She could never hate you, Lyd—"

"Lydia, who is it sweetheart?"

"It's just us Mrs. Walsh!" Lip called to her.

"You might as well come in you guys. I was just about to... I was about to tell her." They both ducked their heads nodding as they filed into the front room. Mama was sitting in the kitchen playing with the eggs I had made her an hour ago.

"We'll just, uh..." Ian nodded to the sofa and they both took a seat.

"When is her car supposed to be here?" Lip asked as he sat.

"About... twenty minutes, maybe fifteen." I nodded at them before taking a deep breath.

"Hey Mama... I need to talk to you."

"About what sweetheart?" I heard her shuffle in her seat.

"No, Mama, stay in there I'll come to you okay?"

"You got this Lyd," Lip said.

I nodded and turned to my fate. I walked into the kitchen and saw her sitting at the two person table in the book nook. She had eggs on her chin and her fork was in the wrong hand. Her water bottle was mostly empty but on its side, thank god none had spilled. Her bob length mousy brown and grey hair was pulled in the half bun that I had put it in this morning but it had sprigs shooting out everywhere as if he had tried to run her fingers through it and failed. Her cheeks were flat and her eyes had sunken in their sockets a bit. She looked tired, broken.

"Hey Mama," I said quietly with the ghost of a smile and my head tilted, the way she used to look at me just after my father died.

"Hey, sweetheart. I think I need some help." She gestured to her chin and the table.

"I got you Mama," I said as I grabbed a napkin and dampened it at the sink. She gave me a small smile as I wiped her chin and gathered the crumbs from the table before putting her plate in the sink. I paused with my hands on either side of me gripping the counter. I could feel my face heat up.

"What's wrong baby?" She was always so gentle.

"I'm sorry, Mama."

"Oh baby, there's nothing to be sorry for."

"I should have noticed." She was silent for a minute.

"Lydia..."

"You weren't acting like yourself. For so long I just... over looked it."

"Baby you didn't overlook anything."

"I called them Mama." Again she was silent for a minute.

"What do you mean?"

"They're sending a car today. To come get you... Ms. Jenny said—"

"Lydia. You can't possibly be—"

"You couldn't get up. You were stuck on the floor for two hours, Mama. If Jenny didn't come check on you every couple hours like I asked, you could have been in much worse condition when I got home."

"You have that woman spying on me?"

"It's not spying. Don't you see? At this home you could have someone there at all times. Someone that's equipped to help you!"

"I didn't realize that I was such a burden on you Lydia Ann." She was harshly calm. My face was burning, tears were building in my eyes and I didn't know if it was from anger or pain.

"Mama?! You are not a burden! I just don't know how to help you! I don't know what to do when someone falls in the floor in the middle of the night and can't get up! I don't know what to do! You're left handed, Mama! Did you forget? You had eggs all over your face a minute ago! You're starting to forget things! I can't do this!"

She crossed her hands in her lap and looked at her fingers.

"I understand."

"Mama—"

"I said I understand, Lydia. I assume you've already packed my things."

I was silent for a moment. "Yes, I have." She nodded her head a bit and tried to stand up. I went to grab her arm but she held up her hand and pressed her eyes closed.

"I can do this." She shifted out of her chair and onto her feet but she couldn't let go of the table. I walked over to her and grabbed her arm gently.

"Come on Mama." I walked her into the living room. Lip and Ian were still sitting on the sofa twiddling their thumbs and staring at their toes.

"Hello boys."

"Hey Mrs. Walsh."

"Lip be a dear—" she gestured to the footstool blocking the loveseat and he rushed up to shift it forward. She sat down as gently as she could and folded her hands in her lap again.

"Do you need anything Mama?"

She shook her head no.

"Do you want to watch some TV?"

Again, no.

I couldn't stand it I had to do something or I would go crazy. My breathing was heavy and tears were building again. I stood and walked towards the staircase. Lip started to stand and follow me but Ian caught his shoulder and shook his head standing himself. I took the steps two at a time and stopped at the top. My legs felt hollow and my heart felt like lead. My lungs felt like they were being crushed in the Venus fly trap of my ribs and all I could do was put my head in my hands and silently let the tears flow in hot rivulets down my cheeks. I... I was teetering on the edge of sanity, and apparently the top step because suddenly I was falling back into Ian's arms.

"Woah, I got you... Hey, hey, it's alright. It's all gonna be alright." He was trying his best to sound reassuring.

"She hates me." I was nearly to the point of hiccuping through my words.

"No she doesn't. Her pride is hurt."

"She thinks she's a burden."

"She just doesn't understand right now Lydi. She'll get there."

"And if she doesn't?"

"She will, ok? Hey, look at me." It took me a minute but finally I glanced up. "She is struggling with herself right now. Not you. She feels helpless. It's not your fault and you are doing what is best for her." I wanted to believe him. I really did, but there was still a part of me that just couldn't let it go. It was like a nagging voice in the back of my head that wondered to itself if I really did think she was a burden.

"Would you... would you help me carry these downstairs?" I gestured to her bags. The bags that held her entire life...

I was forcing her out. I'm horrible. I was so self—

"Yeah, I'll grab these two," he said as he grabbed the two suitcases.

"Thank you." I blinked hard to clear my vision and wiped my face on the lifted bottom of my shirt. Grabbing the last two tote bags I walked down the stairs and when I was about three steps from the door a knock sounded. It sounded like a jail sentence. I peered into the living room to see my mother trying to stand, Lip holding onto her arm. I opened the door and a man with a gentle smile nodded his hello.

"I'm here for Mrs. Walsh."

"I'm right here." She said with a tone that I had never heard her use before. It was a tone laced with steel.

"Do you have any bags we should be taking?"

Ian nodded and held up the two bags he had, "where do you want them?" He asked. The gentleman popped the trunk and Ian was off to put the bags away. I carried the tote bags to the man and he took them gracefully. By this time Lip had helped my Mama to the door where we all stood save Ian who stood next to the car.

"Alright Mrs. Walsh, are you all set?"

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be." She gave him a curt nod and he helped her the rest of the way to the car. We all followed behind her and once we got to the car she finally turned to me, opened her arms for a hug, and clung to me for a moment. She was so thin I could almost wrap my arms around her twice.

"Lydia."

"Yes mam?"

She paused for a moment, thinking of what to say.

"You know I will always love you—"

"I love you too Mama."

"But I don't think you should visit me."

Heartbreak. Numbness and heartbreak were my two best friends. I almost thought I was going to fall flat on my ass. Where was a fridge when you needed one.

"Not for a while, I need some time." She said she loved me, but I knew better.

My mother hated me.

After she said that she turned slowly and let the worker from the home help her sit. I stood there with a dumb look on my face. The worker looked at me with sympathy but all I could see was my mother sitting in the back seat of an unfamiliar car with her head forward and a blank look on her face. She didn't look at me, and she didn't look back when they pulled away from the curb.

——————pb——————

Hey guys! It was super hard deciding how Lydia's mom would react! I hope you all enjoyed it!

Give me a comment sometime to let me know what you think!

Thanks!!


	4. Ch 4

Being numb is like waking up in that grey light. No noise and no thoughts, you're floating in open water. You don't have the weight on your feet, or on your heart. It's a difficult state to keep. On one hand you sink too deep and drown in your sorrow. On the other hand you face the problems and work through them trudging to survive. I think I'll stay here for a while.

———————pb———————

Did you know that I like your smile?

Did you know it makes me go the extra mile?

———————pb———————

I couldn't think. I just stood there staring at the back windshield until the car turned the corner. Suddenly I was engulfed in a hug from both sides. I turned and latched onto the person to my right and just held onto him. Lip, Ian, I didn't know but I knew I needed them. I felt them nod their head to the side and the other person backed away. Right after that I heard footsteps going up my porch stairs and the door opening and shutting. At this point I didn't care what he was doing. It took me a minute to realize but my current death grip victim was mumbling into my ear.

"Lyd... Lydia, come on, let's sit." Lip. Of course my subconscious would make me turn to him. With his arm still wrapped around me he pulled me to the steps and we sat down facing the street. Like he had the other day, he pulled my head to his chest and just held me. He was rocking ever so slightly and I wrapped my arms around his torso. His arm, that was slung over my shoulder, hugged me close and he played with a bit of my hair. I didn't notice at first but, as I stared down his chest, droplets turned into wet patches.

"I'm ruining your shirt," I mumbled.

"You're not ruining it, you're giving it character."

"That's not a thing."

"It is so. Besides if Frank couldn't ruin this shirt when he wore it two weeks ago, your tears won't stand a chance," he said with a breathy laugh. I smiled a little at his tone. He was right of course if Frank couldn't ruin it no one could. We sat there together for a few more minutes, he had lit a cigarette, and I couldn't help but close my eyes. Not long after, Ian came back out of the house with a small bag and my wallet. I sat up slowly still using Lip for most of my support.

"What are you doing?"

"I got some of your stuff, you're coming to stay with us for a few days."

"I probably shouldn't you guys... I gotta clean the house an—"

"You're coming to stay with us for a few days. It wasn't a question Lyd," Lip said. He ducked his head a bit and looked me in the eyes. "You aren't staying here by yourself."

We sat there staring at each other for a minute or two before I broke the eye contact and glanced at my hands, nodding slowly.

"Alright, come on, up and attem." Lip held my good hand as I stood up and I nearly toppled on him my legs were so sore. We must have been sitting there a lot longer than I had estimated, or they were coming down off the shock.

"Woah, hey, you want a piggy back ride just ask," he said laughing.

I let out a huff of a chuckle and said sorry before walking down the rest of the steps. We started walking slowly and didn't say much. What was there to say?

When we were just down the street from their house I heard someone yelling from behind us.

"Hey L.A.! Where have you been?" Billy. I didn't even have words. I was stunned he would even say anything to me right now.

Whispering to Ian I said, "remember what you were saying the other day?" He nodded bit. "You were so right." Suddenly his face hardened up a bit as if preparing for an ugly conversation. Lips too.

"L.A.! What, are you ignoring me now?" We could hear his footsteps now so I slowed down and stopped with a Gallagher on either side of me. We were just a half a block from their house. If we yelled Fi would come running out with The Bat. I turned around to face him.

"What's up Bill?" I said with a cool tone.

"Where have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you."

"So my four calls this morning and half a dozen texts a day for the past couple of days is you trying to get a hold of me?"

"You must have been calling the wrong number! I've been calling."

"Well so have I and I'm really not in the mood for any of your shit right now."

"My shit? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?"

"I'm taking to Billy Marshall, resident asshole of the South Side. You heard of him?" He took a step forward and raised a hand only to have two pissed Gallagher boys in his face.

"You touch her your dead," Ian said through grinding teeth.

"No, he'll just wish he was." Lip looked almost lethal. The sheen of sweat from walking had caused some of his hair to stick to the sides of his face which was red with anger. His biceps were jumping with pent up energy and he was shuffling on his feet every so often.

"Oh really? What are you fucking pussies gonna do huh?" Two seconds later he regretted his question.

Lip socked the fuck out of his left ear.

Suddenly Billy Marshall and Philip Gallagher where in an all out street brawl, I was screaming, Ian was throwing well aimed kicks, and Fiona was running down the street with Carl behind her carrying The Bat. Fiona pried Lip off of Billy and held him back while Ian put Billy in an arm lock to hold him off. Fiona let Lip throw her off and she started trying to ask questions.

"First off, What the fuck??"

"He was gonna hit her." Lip ground out. Fiona's eyes widened as she looked menacingly at Billy and Carl choked up his hold on the bat.

"What?" She said in that tone that mothers use before they have to beat the kid who pushed their kid on the playground.

"I wasn't gonna hit her! That's bullshit!! Tell her L.A.!"

"First of all. No one. Calls me L.A. you got that shit breath? And second of all, yes. You tried to fucking backhand me in front of two fucking people, you complete and utter ass! For all I care you can fucking rot in the sewer with the rest of the shit beneath my heels."

I reared back and kicked him straight in the balls. He started screaming, Kev and V ran out of their house, neighborhood dogs started barking, it was a whole big mess. I fucking loved it.

Fiona winced at the obvious anguish that the boy, who Ian let fall to the ground so he could cup his junk, was in. I honestly couldn't care less. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Fool me three times? Not a fucking chance.

It wouldn't have been the first time that he hit me. But the third. And like I said, not a fucking chance.

I leaned down to look him in his pained face, I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "By the way Bill. If you couldn't tell by the stabbing pain in your dick, the multiple lacerations on your face, or even that black fucking eye that is developing. We are done." With that I stood up and heard all the Gallagher's, and Kev and V, cheer.

Not wanting him to truly die Lip and Ian picked him up out of the road where he had landed and laid, more like tossed, him on the side walk on the other side of the street. Ian kicked his thigh for good measure before picking up my bag that he had dropped earlier.

After they got back over to us we all walked the last few paces to the house and went inside to the kitchen.

"Jesus Lydia what a day, huh?" Fiona asked standing next to Lip with a concerned look on her face. Standing there in the middle of the kitchen however seemed to overwhelm me because suddenly I was swaying and my vision was blacking out.

"Shit, shit! She's passing out, Ian!" I think that was Lip.

When I woke up I was on the Gallagher couch in the living room and everyone was staring at me. Between you, me, this couch was comfortable as fuck.

"Jesus Lyd." Lip.

"What's up Lip?"

"You gonna give anyone else a heart attack today or just us?"

"I think I gave Billy a dick attack, is that close?" He gave a real laugh.

"Fuck yeah... I think that's the best thing I've seen all summer."

"How long was I out?"

"Well I caught you and brought you in here, you've been out maybe two hours," Ian said.

"Two Hours?!" He started laughing. "You dick! How long? Come on."

"It was only five minutes," he said laughing.

"Did you see God?" Carl asked, Fiona slapped him upside the head.

"Carl she didn't die... did you?"

"No Debs, I didn't die," I said chuckling. I loved being surrounded by the Gallagher's. With them there I wouldn't be so inclined to think about my... my mom.

I was so horrible to her, so stupid, so self—

"Hey, self distructo girl. You gonna let me squeeze in and check your vitals or what?" V, mama bear without cubs.

"Come on over Mama Bear." She smiled at me with a little glare thrown in for good measure.

"You seem fine... how many fingers am I holding up?" She lifted her hand in the air making a fist.

"V if you wanted a fist bump all you had to do was ask. No fingers." I said with a smile as she laughed and shoved my shoulders. Slowly I sat up and everyone crowded in to sit around me.

"So, I heard that we're gonna have a new face at the home this week." V never really was one to beat around the bush when she wanted to know something. I could feel my face heating up.

"Yeah, you will. Um, if it's okay I'd rather not talk about it."

"You sent your mom to the crazy house? Harsh." Lip slapped Carl upside his head. "Ow! What was that for?!"

"It's not a crazy house, you doof. It's inpatient care."

"Again, please, new topic." My mother hates—

"What do you want for dinner Lyd? We've got... Well... we have mac and cheese?" Asked Fiona.

"That actually sounds super good. Yes please," I said with a small smile. She nodded her head and went straight to the kitchen to start mixing it up for everyone.

"Okay girlie, don't you fall asleep for another four hours okay? Just to be sure Ian caught your head properly," V said as she raised her eyebrows at me. I laughed softly and said "Yes mam! Will do." It wouldn't be hard to stay awake here. There was constant chatter and running around and fights. It would be like living in a soap opera.

V smiled at me and stood before heading into the kitchen to talk to Fiona.

"So you didn't die? Not even a little bit?" Carl asked. When I shook my head no he huffed a bit. "That sucks." He then dodged a hand to the back of the head and ran upstairs, chased by Debbie who was actually trying to slap him in the back of the head the whole way up the stairs. I love the Gallagher's.

I sighed and glanced around at Ian and Lip.

"What is it with me this week? All I seem to be able to do is cry, or fall. You know I'm not usually like this."

Lip shrugged one shoulder and said, "maybe you're on your period." My mouth dropped open at him and he started to smirk and laugh. Ian busted out laughing and I couldn't help but join in after slapping Lip on the arm.

"You are such a dick!" His eyes were sparkling and he still had a smirk on his lips. We stared at each other for a minute before I shook my head and reached for the remote to the tv. Ian was silently staring at me and Lip.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head and raised his eyebrows. "Nothing," he said with a little smile. I shook my head and smiled at him before turning back to the television.

———————pb———————

Okay guys, Billy is history I think. Thank god. And honestly Lydia doesn't normally have all these balance issues but it has been a pretty emotionally heavy week for her. Hopefully it'll look up soon!! Her and lip have been sharing some stares!! :)

Updates coming as soon as I can write them!!

Thank you for all the views!!

Drop4Lunar


	5. Ch 5

I never wondered what bravery looked like, I knew. She was thin with strong arms and legs and had a fortress for a heart. When she loved you, she loved fiercely and would do anything in her power to protect you. She did everything she could to run a house that would only run by the seat of her pants, early mornings, late nights, and jobs that no one else wanted. You could find her sitting with the beautiful boy on that back porch, beautiful in her own way, with a sigh on her lips and a cigarette between her teeth.

——————pb———————

Do you remember that night so long ago?

Where there wasn't a limit to the places we could go?

——————pb———————

The rest of the day had passed quickly enough. Ian and Fiona had to leave not to long ago for work which left Lip and I in charge of the rugrats. It wasn't bad, especially Liam. He was by far the most gentle Gallagher, even though he was only one and a half.

After watching some more television with the kids for a few hours I let Lip know I was gonna shower before heading upstairs. It had been a long day and the running water helped to sooth my nerves. I grabbed my bag on the way into the bathroom with a clean towel and smiled at the night clothes that Ian grabbed for me. My worn out, faded to hell, tie-dye tee shirt that looked like a dress on me and a pair of cotton shorts. He knew me well. I took my time in the shower and brushed my teeth when I got out. It was getting kinda late so we would be putting the kids to bed soon. When I walked out of the bathroom I heard Liam crying and two sets of running footsteps in the living room. Quickly I rushed down the stairs only to see Lip trying his hardest to console a tired and fussy Liam and Carl chasing Debbie through the living room.

"Hey!" I half shouted long enough to catch their attention and make them pause. When they did I grabbed Carl and the frog he had in his hand, what he was chasing Debs with, and put him in a headlock. When I had a hold on the frog I ran to the front door and tossed it into the dark front yard.

"Carl, Debbie, upstairs. Go brush your teeth and get ready for bed." They hung their heads and started up the stairs slowly before Carl shouted.

"Me, first!" He started to run and Debbie ran after him shouting about how that wasn't fair and she's the girl so ladies first! I shook my head and looked over at Lip who was looking at Liam, who was still crying, with a worried expression.

"Here," I said holding my arms out for Liam.

"What?"

"Give him here."

"You sure? I'm sure he'll be fine in a minute, don't worry about it."

"Lip," I said with a stern stare, I walked closer and held out my arms to Liam, who leaned for me when he saw me reaching.

"Hey, Mr. Man! Why so grumpy?" He was still crying, but got much quieter. He laid his head on my shoulder and started playing with my damp hair, until finally he was quiet.

"What are you, a baby wizard?"

I let out a soft laugh as Liam's eyes started to drift closed.

"No, I think he just likes my hair."

"Usually Fiona's the only one that can get him that quiet when he's fussy," he said as he started walking into the kitchen to grab a beer. I started after him and saw Debbie standing at the kitchen sink brushing her teeth.

"He kick you out of the bathroom Debs?"

"No, he farted. I swear he could weaponize his gas." She said as she finished brushing her teeth. Lip sat down at the table with his beer and nodded at me.

"If you want I'll put him to bed in a minute, Lyd."

"No it's fine, I was just about to take him upstairs anyway. I'm gonna ask Fi if I can start babysitting him sometimes so I could use the practice. I'll be right back." I started up the stairs leaving Lip and Debbie to their own devices for a while.

——————no ones POV——————

Debbie glanced over at Lip as Lydia walked upstairs with Liam falling asleep on her shoulder. He was staring after her with his head tilted and eyebrows scrunched up for a long minute.

"Why are you staring at her like that?" Debbie asked.

"I'm not staring at her."

"Okay..." She paused for a minute before asking, "do you have a girlfriend?"

"No... why?"

"Just wondering." They were both quiet for a moment, Lip sipping his beer and Debbie packing a lunch for Ian to take to work tomorrow. Debbie looked at Lip and asked another question.

"Why did Lydia pass out earlier?"

"Well Debs, shes had a pretty bad week, with her mom going into that home and Billy Marshall being a complete dick."

"Were you scared?"

"What, when she passed out? I mean yeah it was pretty scary." Debbie was silent for another minute.

"Do you think—"

"Jeeze Debs, whats with the twenty questions?"

"It just seems like you like her! You two are always staring at each other, and you were scared she was gonna get hurt. You beat the crap out of Billy Marshall I saw you!"

"I would beat the crap out of anyone that tried to hit a girl. And, we do not stare at each other."

Sounding totally unconvinced she said, "okay... if you say so." Suddenly Lydia started down the stairs and heard Lip's reply.

——————back to Lydia——————

"Yeah, I do say so." Lip said as I came down the last few steps.

"What do you say so?" I asked.

"Nothing!" Debbie said quickly as she rushed past me to get to the stairs.

"That was weird," I said with a short laugh.

"She's a weird kid, yeah," he said laughing. "Liam get to bed alright?"

"Yeah, he's snuggled up in his bed, he has a death grip on his blanket. It's super cute," I said smiling.

"You wanna sit outside with me for a while?"

"Sure," I said as he stood from his chair and went to the back porch. As we sat down he pulled two cigarettes from his pack and put one behind his ear for later, quickly I plucked it from its resting place and snatched his lighter laughing at his stunned face.

"Oh you thought I was gonna let you smoke alone? We made a pact remember?" I said with a smile as I flicked the lighter to life and lit the end of my stolen cigarette.

"Yeah I remember," he said with a huffed laugh. The pact was that I would always smoke with him when he asked me to come outside with him. It wasn't bad and I was usually smoking anyway but he hadn't handed me one this time so I'd improvised.

"Whats on your mind?"

"Nothing, just something Debs was saying... how are you feeling?"

Selfish.

"Well, I feel totally free of Billy Marshall, which is dead ass amazing."

"And about your mom?"

I took longer to think this time. Whenever I though about it I felt like a selfish, hateful, asshole. So that's what I said.

"I feel like a selfish, hateful, asshole. I put the only person that has ever loved me unconditionally in a retirement home because I didn't want to take care of her."

"Shut up," he said shaking his head.

"Excuse me?" I quirked my eyebrows and looked at him bewildered.

"Shut the fuck up. You love that woman more that you love anyone, and she loves you but not unconditionally. She has been fucking shit to you."

"It wasn't that bad," I said ducking my head.

"She kicked you out," he said. "She kicked you out into the street and told you to never come back."

"But I dese—"

"Don't. you fucking dare." He said through grit teeth, he looked pissed now. I couldn't even bring myself to look up at him fully. That time of my life was something that I tried to never relive.

"You didn't deserve any of that shit. Any of it. Do you hear me?" He leaned his head down trying to get me to look into his eyes. I couldn't move so he reached over and pulled my face up. I could feel my face burning in shame.

"Look at me." He waited till I finally looked him in the eye. "Any of it," he said shaking his head. I nodded a little and looked back at my half gone cigarette.

When I finally found my voice I asked him, "do you remember when we were seven and we rode the L across town and back like three times before anyone realized that we were gone?" A small smile broke out on his face and he nodded.

"We took off before any of the officers asking questions realized."

"And by the time we got back here Fiona was pissed because she didn't known where we were."

"So we spent the rest of the night huddled in the living room next to a passed out Frank and listened to my eleven year old sister yell for an hour about needing to know where we were at all times."

I was quiet for a long minute.

"I think I've always seen Fiona as my real mom. And even as fucked as he is... I think I saw Frank as a dad." My heart broke a little as I said it, but it was true. I connected to the Gallagher's in a way that I could never connect to my parents. My parents didn't know how to love hard... well, what my dad did was never something that I could consider love. You didn't do that to those you love. You didn't take—

"I think Fiona sees you as one of her kids. One of us. And hell, Frank crushed your hand in the fridge, you get the same treatment we do. Might as well be his kid."

"Aww, you see me as a sister Gallagher?" I shoved his shoulder with mine lightly and we shared a small chuckle and a head shake. We caught eyes for a minute with small smiles.

Suddenly Ian came around the back of the house.

"Hey! What are you two doing out here?"

Slightly stunned Lip and I held up our beers and nearly non existent cigarettes in mock salutes.

"Just sitting, where have you been I thought the Kash closed an hour ago." I asked. He seemed to get a little sheepish and wouldn't hold eye contact.

"We stayed open a little late tonight. I helped Kash with the inventory."

"Oh, okay." I smiled at him, we needed to talk later. Maybe after Lip went to bed. After finishing the beer and chatting a bit we all went inside and headed up the stairs.

"Where you sleeping tonight, Lyd?" Lip asked.

"Hey, you dragged me here. Where should I sleep?" I didn't want to take Fi's bed. She wouldn't care but I kinda didn't want another knee to the back. Franks bed was open but I really didn't want him stumbling in smelling like shit and passing out on the bed while I was in it.

"You can stay in my bed, I'll sleep on the floor," Ian said.

"Your bed's big enough for both of us, and you don't kick like Fiona. What you scared of my cooties?" I asked laughing.

"If you don't mind cuddling up to me Lydi then I don't mind either," he said grabbing me in a bear hug. He was getting so tall, him and Lip. The top of my head only came up to their shoulders. And as I thought that...

"When did you get so short?" He said laughing.

"Oh zip it, you two are just unnaturally tall," I said as I slipped into their room. Carl was on his bunk with his feet where his head should be and his blanket cockeyed. I shook my head and re-situated it over him. His eyes cracked open a bit and he smiled, half asleep Carl didn't care about coming off as gross or being anti physical contact.

"Give me a hug demon," I said as I leaned in. He reached up and gave me a small hug before I kissed his forehead. He scrunched his face and I chuckled, maybe he wasn't so sleepy he didn't care just yet. Standing up I looked back at Lip and Ian who seemed confused.

"What?" I asked quietly.

"He gave you a hug," Ian said

"Yeah, and?"

"And, that's weird. It's Carl," Lip said.

"He's just as much a kid as we used to be. He may not think he wants hugs, but he does." They nodded a little and Lip gave me an odd look.

I was getting to tired to care about their odd looks now as I yawned. I shuffled over to Ian's bed and sat down as they started shedding clothes getting ready for bed. When Lip was down to his boxers he hopped up to the top bunk and settled in. Ian on the other hand shed his clothes and grabbed a pair of cotton pants before giving me a pointed look. I caught the hint and flipped so I was facing the window in their wall. There was brief shuffling and then Ian was tugging at the blanket I was laying on. I arched up so he could pull it out and flipped back towards him as he slid into the bed and threw the cover over both of us.

We lay there snuggled up until we heard Lip start to lightly snore. And I looked up at Ian's face to see him staring at the ceiling, what little light was in the room shined in his eyes.

"It's Kash... isn't it?" I whispered. He sighed and looked down into my face.

After a minute he slowly nodded and I reached around his torso, hugging him to me.

"Yeah," he whispered. "It's Kash."

——————pb——————

I want Lydia to have a great connection to all of the Gallagher's. And I think it's getting there. I also played around with having the no ones POV because I really wanted to see if it could add to the drama. I think it did.

Thank you for all the views!! I am so excited with how this story is growing!!

If you like it please give it a like or a comment!!

Thanks for reading!


	6. Ch 6

I'm familiar with pain, he's lanky with stringy hair and one too many layers of clothing. He soothes himself with a bottle or a needle and doesn't care who he hurts. But he doesn't discriminate either. He sees all of your worst qualities and doesn't mind being seen with you. Doing nothing for you he will expect everything you have to offer in return. His only good qualities are his children. He created the beautiful boy and the brave girl without trying and because of that I am thankful for pain.

———————pb————————

Do you remember the way things used to be?

When our eyes were wide and our hearts were free?

———————pb————————

When I woke up a few hours later with the need to pee I was staring at Ian's freckled back. I had my arm tossed over his torso and he was holding my hand as he softly snored. Slowly I tugged my hand from his grip and crawled over him with my ass in the air until I was standing in the middle of the floor. I waited to make sure he wouldn't wake up before realizing that he was the only one snoring. I glanced back to see Carl still asleep, then up to find a pair of ice blue eyes staring at me with a sleepy smirk. I blushed and mock glared at him before childishly sticking my tongue out at him. Suddenly remembering that I had to pee I shuffled out of the room.

When I walked back in to head back to sleep he spoke up.

"You might as well come up here if you were planning on crawling back over him. He's liable to throw you in the floor. Not that it wouldn't be entertaining to watch you stick your ass in the air again." I could hear that sleepy smirk in his voice so I stepped up to the ladder by his bed. Standing on my tip toes I slapped his bare shoulder before climbing the rest of the way up. I had slept with Ian enough times to know Lip wasn't serious about being thrown in the floor, and he knew it too, but I guess it was his way of saying 'come up here instead.'

"Scoot your butt over," I said with a laugh. Suddenly I was grabbed around the torso and pulled the rest of the way into his bunk. He had my back pressed into his chest and buried his face in my hair.

"You're cold," he said.

"And you're hot," I said wiggling a little bit against the heat of his chest. He had his arms wrapped so far around me he could hold onto his own elbows.

"Quit wiggling or you're gonna wake him up."

"Carl can sleep through anything and Ian is on the other side of the room."

"Not who I was talking about."

It took me a minute to understand.

"Oh my god, you perv!" I whisper shouted with a little laugh.

"Hey, I'm still half asleep, I can't control what's goin on down there." Which was probably true, it was only three in the morning.

I was blushing profusely so I put my arms on top of his and with a laugh I said, "Calm down Casanova, go back to sleep."

He hummed and squeezed me closer. I tried to stay as still as I could until I heard him softly snoring again. Then I relaxed back into his arms, my need for sleep and comfort over riding my concern for his other body parts. It was rare that he ever asked me to come up here because usually I slept with Fi or Ian.

It was nice to change it up a bit.

———————no ones POV ——————

Ian woke up early, his ROTC training to wake up at seven thirty for his push-ups was ingrained in him from school. He started to stretch out his arms when he remembered he wasn't supposed to be in his bed alone. Scrunching his face in confusion he looked behind himself to find the rest of his bed empty. He glanced around the room looking for Lydia, she was never up before him.

He looked at Carl's bunk not really expecting to find her there, but above Carl he saw a long section of black hair falling from the top bunk. Quietly Ian stood up and looked into the top bunk to see Lydia cuddled into Lips chest. Lip had his arms wrapped around her torso and her head tucked under his chin. Both of them were still sleeping soundly when he stepped out of the room with a silly smile on his face.

He was headed to the bathroom but ran into Fiona in the hallway. She had gotten home around one and had woken up about twenty minutes ago by the looks of it. She had just gotten out of the shower.

"Hey, come here."

"What is it?"

"Just come here, trust me." He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the boys bedroom.

"If anyone—" Ian shushed her as he pulled her further in.

"Look," he whispered. Fiona peered over the edge of the bunk beds and her eyes widened.

"Is that?"

"Yup."

"When did that happen?"

"I don't think it did."

Fiona pulled him back out into the hallway where they could talk louder and turned back to him.

"So, what the hell did happen?"

"She was sleeping with me last night I don't know how she got up there."

"How who got where?" Debbie asked as she came out of her room. Ian pulled her into the boys room and showed her what they had been talking about.

"I knew it!" She whispered.

"What do you mean?" Ian asked when they got back out into the hallway.

"I knew he liked her! He keeps staring at her!"

"Yeah I've noticed that to," Ian said.

"And he really beat the shit out of Billy Marshall," said Fiona with a raised eyebrow, a small frown, and a tilt of her head.

"But he said he would do that to any boy that tried to hit a girl."

"Yeah he would, but not that hard." Suddenly they heard movement in the boys room and they all hid in Fiona's room. They peeked out the door only to see a sleepy Carl walk out and into the bathroom. They all sighed in relief and grabbed him when he was on the way back to bed.

"Did you see Lip and Lydia?" Ian asked.

"Yeah, So?"

"So what happened?" Fiona demanded.

"How should I know?"

"Whatever happened happened right above your head Carl," said Debbie.

"Ugh, Lydia got up to pee and it woke me up. Lip said she should just come up to his bunk because Ian would throw her in the floor. Then I fell back asleep." He said before starting back towards the bedroom.

"So what do you think?" Debbie asked Fiona.

"Well I mean it's none of our business," she said with raised eyebrows. Debbie looked unconvinced.

"What?"

"It is so our business," said Debbie.

"No it's not, now come on let's give them their privacy and quit talking about it," Fiona told her.

"I think it's adorable," Ian said.

"It's really cute, isn't it?" Fiona said as she smiled a huge smile. Debbie shook her head with a smile and an eye roll.

———————Lydia's POV———————

When I woke up the morning light was hitting my back. Odd... and there were arms around me... I cracked my eyes and instead of freckles I was met with lightly tanned skin. I could feel my face scrunch in confusion before I remembered earlier this morning. My eyes widened a bit. It was Lip with his arms around me, and Lips soft snores in my ear, and Lips... woah. I shifted my hips back a little with a small smirk at his not so small friend. I glanced at his face and saw his eyes start fluttering behind his eyelids. He took in a deep breath and I quickly shut my eyes realizing that he was waking up.

I heard him give a small hum and felt him stretch his torso a bit before he paused. Cracking my eyes just so slightly I saw his face scrunch in confusion before I shut them again.

"Oh shit," he whispered and I felt him shift back towards the wall a little and loosen his arms from their death grip. Then I heard a snicker from behind me, Ian.

"I was wondering when you were gonna wake up." Ian said with a smile in his voice.

"Shut up man, don't wake her up."

"Why? You got a boner?" Ian asked with a disbelieving laugh. Lip sighed and Ian nearly choked on his laugh.

"You do? Oh my god that's perfect!" Ian said still laughing.

"I'm stuck," Lip said.

"What do you mean stuck?"

"She's laying on me," he whispered. So being the nice person I am I shifted 'in my sleep' so that he could get his arm free. He did so quickly and quietly and slowly shuffled over me so he could drop to the floor. Still pretending to be asleep I turned and faced the room before I settled back in the pillow.

"I gotta go take a shower," I heard Lip say as he stepped out of the room, once I was sure he was gone I opened my eyes and looked at Ian who was staring out the door with a huge smirk. He looked back up towards me and nearly jumped when he saw that I was awake, then burst out laughing.

"You were awake the whole time?" He said through his laughs.

"I woke up before he did!"

"Well at least you gave him his dignity," he said as his laughing subsided. I smirked and hopped down to get ready for the day. Suddenly the door opened.

"Ian, where's my— oh, you're up," Lip said. "How, uh, how long have you been up?" He seemed flustered so I gave him a break.

"Since just now, I was about to go down and find something to eat and call the home. See how Mama settled in."

"I was just gonna shower, Ian have you seen my deodorant?"

"You're all out, use mine," Ian said as he tossed a can of axe at him. He caught it easily.

"Thanks, I'll uh, I'll see you down there," he said nodding and backing out of the room.

"Is it just me or was he a little flustered?" I asked laughing. Ian shook his head and we both made our way down to the crowded kitchen.

"Hey, sleepy head! Did you get a good nights sleep?" Fiona asked with a cheeky smile as she hip checked me on the way to the table. I smiled and laughed with her but honestly I really did get a good nights sleep after hopping into the top bunk.

"Sure did, I'm gonna pop out to the porch and call the home, I'll be right back," I said as I reached the door. When I was out I dialed the phone with shaking fingers.

"Hi I was calling to check on Maggie Walsh... yes she just got admitted yesterday, I'm her daughter. Can I speak to her?... oh, okay no, no I understand. Would you tell her that I called? Thank you. You have a nice day." The line went dead. They said she was busy, I knew better.

I closed my eyes and took a few calming breaths. Steeling myself I walked back into the much appreciated chaos of the Gallagher family. I will never be able to describe how lucky I am to have them.

———————pb————————

So this is pretty much a filler chapter but I really wanted more LydiaLip fluff. I am basically writing a story that I would want to read.

If anyone has any thoughts about where they think LydLip are going give it a comment and tell me! I'll let you know if you're close!

Thank you again for all the views and the stars, I really appreciate them!

Thanks!


	7. Ch 7

I've met naïveté, she is young and so hopeful. With a round face and wide eyes that gleam with starlight, she believes the best in everyone. She has a smile that shows all of her teeth and a warmth that no fire can match. She is doubtless in her beliefs and she gets frustrated easily. But she lives with all of her heart and soul. Pain has sired her but he has yet to taint her heart. Those she holds dear can only pray that he never does.

———————pb———————

Do you realize what your voice does to me?

Do you ever think of the kids we used to be?

———————pb———————

It had been two weeks.

Two weeks, and I had called everyday. I was sitting on the Gallagher porch smoking and waiting on Lip and Ian to come home. It was about six in the afternoon so Carl and Debbie were running around in the house and Fiona had just gotten in from work a while ago. I was more watching the smoke rise from my cigarette than anything when I heard the front door open.

"Hey! What are you doing out here?"

"Just thinking, I just got off the phone with the home. Still busy." Fiona sat down next to me on the step and grabbed my cigarette.

"She's probably just still mad, she can't hold a grudge for too long." I stared at the road for a minute. I had never told her about my mothers grudges and kicking me out, even though I had stayed here at the Gallagher house when it happened. It was now or never.

"You remember when I was younger, and I stayed here for a few months?" I asked her.

"Of course."

I could feel my face burning so I was staring down at my feet on the old steps.

"My mom had kicked me out."

"What?" She asked, I could hear the hard edge in her voice.

"Yeah, she uhm, she caught my dad trying to..." I stopped.

"Trying to what." I was silent for a moment. My eyes were glossing over and my vision blurred.

"Please don't make me say it," I whispered. She mumbled to God under her breath and pulled me into her side. We sat like that for a long while, my head resting on her shoulder and her chin on my head.

"She said I was an abomination, a husband stealing... a husband stealing whore," I said choking on my words.

"You were only thirteen," she said as if she was trying to make me see it wasn't my fault.

"Not when it started," I said. She was silent as she waited for me to continue. I had to wait a minute to collect myself.

"He started coming in my room when I was nine."

"Four years Lydia? Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell us? We could have helped you," She said. She almost sounded scared.

"It was my fault," it was as simple as that.

"No." She said firmly, "a nine year old girl against a grown man doesn't stand a chance."

"I could have locked my door. Or Like you said I could have gone to you, or—"

"Stop. For four years your father attacked you in your own home. And she didn't notice. God—" she choked off her sentence. "Do the boys know?" She asked.

I nodded slowly. "I didn't tell them until after he died."

"They would have... we should have killed him." I looked down.

"The night she kicked me out, I had locked my door. I was scared that I was... that I was pregnant. He tried to open my door but when he saw it was locked he started banging on it, he was drunk but he could still pick a lock... I tried to tell him that I thought I might be... and he started yelling at me and he grabbed me, he didn't care. My mom ran in and she just started screaming, at me and him, I told her everything..."

"And she kicked you out?" She was angry now. I nodded.

"Jesus, Lydia."

"She told me to get out. To get out and leave everything because she didn't want to support one of my dads whores. So I left."

"And you came here," she said.

"No..." I said slowly.

"No? Where did you go?"

"To the park... for a week."

"Lydia," she said in shock.

"Lip was walking home, and I didn't see him coming or I would've hidden. He ran up and started asking where I'd been, why I hadn't been at school or anything. I told him I didn't have anywhere to go, so he brought me here. I couldn't face you guys. I didn't have the answers to any questions you would've had. A couple of months later my dad died."

"Oh, sweetie." She hugged me harder "I wish you'd have told me. Why did you go back?"

"She was sick. No one knew it, but she was, and he had just had his heart attack and was in the hospital nearly dead. She needed someone to take care of her because she couldn't. She said she was sorry, that it hadn't been my fault."

"Because it wasn't."

"I was just glad she let me come back."

"I could kill her, hell I wish I'd killed him."

"His heart and her liver kinda beat you to the punch."

"Not yet really, I mean she is sittin in that home," she said with a fake pondering tone. I chuckled softly and she smiled at me.

"Thank you. For listening, I mean."

"Tell you what. Why don't you come out tonight. With me and V. We'll go to the club and we will dance until our feet fall off. Sound good?" She raised her eyebrows at me and smiled again.

"Yeah," I said with a laugh. "That sounds amazing."

"What sounds amazing?" Lip asked as he and Ian walked up to the porch. Fiona and I looked up almost shocked to see them, even though that was my whole reason for being out here.

"A night out, me and Fi were just talking about my mom and grudges," I said glancing at my feet. When I looked back up Ian was giving an understanding nod and Lip looked a little pensive.

"A night out could do you some good, Lip was about to head out he's going to tutor Karen Jackson."

"Karen Jackson? What does she need tutoring for? She has straight B's."

"She's got a C in Physics, needs a B." Lip said with a quirk of his eyebrow and a knowing smile.

"God I don't miss school. Or the bitches in it, especially Karen Jackson."

"She seems cool," Lip said with a shrug. I quirked my eyebrow nodding.

"She's Billy Marshall cool."

"Alright Lyd," Fiona said as she stood from the porch. "Let's go get ready for tonight I gotta tell V you're coming with." Fiona pulled me to my feet and up the stairs.

"I'll see you guys later," I said to the boys. Ian looked smug and Lip looked confused. Good. He needed to be wary.

Karen Jackson was a bitch. A whore sex-addict who didn't care if a guy was in a relationship, and who didn't do relationships herself. I know for a fact that she was getting it from Billy when he and I were together. It makes me shudder just thinking about it. She would hook Lip quick. And she would crush him. Unless he was smart about it.

"What was with the animosity?" Fi asked as we walked up the stairs to her room.

"She fucked Billy when we were together. And about four other guys that I know of at the same time."

"You know for sure?"

"Saw it. Behind the SaveMart on 42."

"Jesus, I mean there ain't any shame in getting it but that's a lot of plates to balance."

I gave my eyebrows a jerk and nodded.

"I just don't want her claws in Lip. She'd crush him."

"You sure it's not just a little green monster?" She joked.

"Why would I be jealous?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh come on, Lyd. Like you don't have at least a small thing for Lip."

"I do not!"

"Oh please. We all see it! Well maybe not him... but I actually think he has a little crush on you."

"We've known each other for years, Fi. If he had any sort of crush on me he would've tried something by now."

"So you've thought about it?" She asked with raised eyebrows and a huge smug smile.

"Not in length, jeez," I said laughing. She smirked at me and started rummaging through some clothes on her bed.

"So does Lip know she gets around?"

"Hell if I know, he'd probably find it attractive."

"You think?" She asked, truly perplexed.

"I definitely think."

"Gross... well I'm gonna run call V, tell her to get her ass over here and help us get ready."

"Ok, I'm borrowing a dress!" I yelled as she headed out of the room and down the hall. I started searching through her stack of dresses and saw one I loved immediately. It was a mid thigh burgundy dress that almost looked like blood. It had two thin off the shoulder lace sleeves with lace embroidered along the plunging neckline and along the bottom. It was beautiful.

"Okay! V said she had to grab a few pairs of shoes for us to try— Oh! Is that the one you want to wear? That would look great on you!"

"Yeah I really like it, what about my hair?" I asked her holding the dress up to myself and quirking my head.

"Oh down definitely, maybe we could get V to curl it!"

"Okay, yeah, I like curls," I said with a laugh and a big smile. Fiona grabbed her huge bag of makeup from the corner and we set to work as we waited on V. We had just finished applying foundation when V walked in with a bag of shoes and her curling iron.

"Shit, you two are going all out huh? What's the occasion?"

"Morale booster," Fiona said.

"Alright, sounds good, you got that fake ID kid?"

"Never leave the house without it," I said smiling.

"That's what I'm talking about now let's curl that hair, you keep up that makeup."

We spent the rest of the hour curling and powdering and smearing. It was oddly relaxing. Soon we were done and trying to pregame in the kitchen. The whole process had taken about three hours so it was nearing nine or ten. We were all standing in the kitchen, dolled up to the nines, trying to take shots out of cereal bowls.

Fiona was wearing a simple black dress with straps two fingers wide and a cute pair of heels. V was wearing a short low cut strappy dress and heels up to her thighs. I was genuinely relaxed.

"Damn, where's the party?" Ian asked as he came down the stairs, we were heading out soon and he graciously offered to watch the kids.

"We are the party," I said with a smirk.

"You sure look like one," he said smirking. "You look great, Lyd." I blushed and smiled behind another shot.

"Alright girlie, save the rest for the club, you know someone's gonna buy us drinks!" V said as she took my cereal bowl and put it in the sink. Suddenly the backdoor opened and Lip came in tossing his book bag to the side.

"Hey, woah—" he stopped staring. "You uh, you guys look nice."

"Thanks! By the way you and Ian are on kid duty. Homework, teeth, bed!" Fiona said looking at him, Lip was still glancing at me every so often.

"Yeah, you guys have fun," he said nodding.

"Alright girls. You ready?"

"Definitely." I said as V nodded behind me. We started for the door and Lip started for the stairs.

"Hey!" He called before I got all the way out the door, I stuck my head back in. "Be careful." He said with a stern face.

"We will," I said smiling. "Don't worry!" He nodded and stared as I shut the door with a smile and raised eyebrows. I get the strange feeling that he even stared at the door after I was gone.

———————pb————————

Hey you guys!! I hope you like this chapter! I've started posting this story on Fanfiction as well, under LivingLiberation because I wanted to see if it would do well there!

I think I'm going to skip the night out because obviously we are getting into the first episode here! They'll meet Jimmy Steve at the club and the ball will start rolling!!

Thank you for reading!! Drop me a like or a comment any time!!

Thanks!


	8. Ch 8

I have tangled with chaos. He may be small but he is mighty. Underneath layers of destruction and senseless aggression is a gentle soul. A tough exterior with soft eyes and whirlwind thoughts, who can only do damage to himself and those who threaten the ones he loves. Hidden beneath chaos is a warm heart, encased in a lone storm. Oddly, I feel calm when surrounded by this chaos.

——————pb——————

Didn't I tell you I was a mistake?

And all I leave is destruction in my wake?

——————pb——————

"So Steve. How many damsels have you saved?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. This man was, medium, tan, and adequately attractive. But, hell if he wasn't smooth and persistent. And he sure knows how to make shit interesting. If the whole tackle scene had played out right V might've had to give him a few stitches as she patched him up.

"Oh you know, one or two."

"You're a regular hero," I said with mirth. All the kids had come downstairs with the commotion and I could tell Lip was wary of the new guy.

"He sure knows how to make an entrance!" V laughed from her position behind him.

"And an exit!" Fi said. "You know he'll kill you if he ever sees you again, I can't believe you decked him!" Suddenly Kev walked in.

"Who decked who, and who's dying?" He asked confused.

"Hey, I'm Steve," he said raising his hand.

"He decked the bouncer," Fiona said.

"Oh shit. You're a dead man walking."

"I'm sure I'll be fine,"

"Good luck man. You ready V?"

"What you came to pick me up? Shit, you were just being nosy."

"Well I wanted to know who drove that car. Did you see that thing? What do you do for a living, man?" Kev asked overly enthused.

"Alright, nope, that's enough questions, let's go monkey man," V said as she stood from the couch. She grabbed Kev's arm and pulled him toward the door.

"Goodnight everybody!" She said. They were met with a chorus of goodbyes as they shut the door.

"Alright kids! Time for bed! Let's go, you have school in the morning," Fiona ordered. Debbie and Carl ran up the stairs shoving each other the whole way. Ian, Lip, and I all stayed in the living room with her and Steve for a few minutes.

"So... Lydia—"

"Lyd," I said correcting him.

"Lyd, right, you go to school with Philip and Ian?" I smirked at Lip and shook my head.

"No, uh... Lip and Ian go, I get to stay home. I got my GED, had to be home to take care of my mom."

"Oh wow, that's nice of you, is she gonna be—"

"Let's not talk about it anymore, touchy subject," Fiona said nodding at him with wide eyes.

"Sorry, didn't mean to step on any toes," he said.

"It's fine," I said with a shake of my head. I could feel Lips eyes on my face as Ian put a hand on my leg in solidarity.

"You staying the night Lyd? You can have Franks room now, we changed the locks... and the sheets!" Fiona said. It was tempting and I really could use a night of sleep in a house that wasn't dead silent at night. I had stayed a few days with the Gallagher's after my mom went to the home but ultimately I didn't wanna be a burden so I stayed a few nights back at the house. I think the silence was giving me nightmares.

"Sure, yeah, I'll stay. I've missed you guys," I said with a nudge to Ian's shoulder.

"Yeah, and his room doesn't smell like shit now," Lip chimed in. I smiled at him.

"Well I think I might just have to leave if it doesn't smell like shit. I was hoping for the full experience."

"I think we still have some of his shirts we haven't washed. We could throw a few in there for you," he said smirking.

"Oh please, no, I think you could weaponize those. Give them to the government, maybe it'll be the new mustard gas."

As we bantered a bit I could see Ian out of the corner of my eye and as he watched and every so often glanced at Fiona. She was smirking too.

"What are you two looking at?" I asked them.

"Nothing just enjoying the conversation," Ian said raising his hands a bit.

"You're right, by the way, they could weaponize it. You think they'd pay money for that?" Fiona asked.

"Oh absolutely—" suddenly there was a loud thump at the front door.

"Shit, I forgot V couldn't lock the door, stay out Frank!" Fiona yelled as she rushed to lock the door.

"It's not Frank, well— it is but it's us Fiona!" Tony yelled. They were always bringing Frank home when they found him drunk off his ass.

"Shit." Fiona said opening the door.

"Where do you want him? And careful, I think he rolled in piss. It'd be hard to get out of a carpet."

"Uh, the kitchen then... damnit Frank."

Tony and his partner shuffled in, a passed out and rancid, as always, Frank between them. When they got to the kitchen they looked back to Fi who just waved her hand as if to say where ever before running that hand through her hair. They dropped him in front of the washing machine and started back for the door.

"Alright Fiona, you all have a good night," Tony said as he put a hand on Fiona's shoulder she ducked her head with an uncomfortable smile and backed towards me, Lip, and Ian on the couch. Suddenly Tony's eye caught Steve, who was still sitting in the floor shirtless. His eyes moved over him slowly and then back to Fiona. He nodded slightly and he and his partner headed out, Fiona walking just after them to close the door.

"Thanks Tony," Fiona said smiling a bit as she closed and locked the door.

"Jeez, he's knocked out isn't he?" Steve asked as he stood from the floor. He walked over and nudged Franks foot with the toe of his boot and scrunched his face in disgust. We all watched him from the living room.

"And he does smell like piss, fuck. Who is he?"

Fiona took a deep breath and paused, Lip, Ian, and I all looked to her as she slowly cocked her head.

"He's my dad."

I looked to the boys and nodded to the stairs. We all stood and headed up.

"Good night Fi, thanks for bringing me out tonight. I had a lot of fun," I said smiling at her.

"I'm glad. You should come with us more, we get more free drinks, you should keep that dress. It's prettier on you anyway," she said smirking at me. When we had come in I had been caught up in the commotion and hadn't had time to change.

"Shit, I don't have any sleep clothes."

"It's alright you can—"

"I'll let you borrow a shirt," Lip said cutting Ian off, I chuckled.

"Okay, okay. Come on you two," they both said goodnight to Fiona and we saw Steve ducking his head in the kitchen. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. He was mooning over Fi that mug was obvious.

When we finally got up into the boys room Lip dug our a clean white T-shirt and a pair of boxers for me to sleep in. Ian sat on his bed with a smirk. I rolled my eyes again and slapped him on the back of the head before going into the bathroom to change.

————no ones POV————

Ian stared at Lip with a raised eyebrow as he watched Lydia leave the room. When he turned back and caught Ian smirking at him he said, "What?"

"You're staring."

"I could say the same thing about you,"

"That is a pretty dress she has on isn't it? Black curls, red dress, black heels. No wonder Fi said they got more free drinks with Lyd around."

Lip shrugged his shoulders and glanced back at the door rubbing his nose. He pulled his shirt over his head and started to get ready for bed.

"How was tutoring Karen Jackson?" Ian asked. Lip suddenly got a smug smirk.

"She gave me a hummer."

"Seriously?"

"At her kitchen table with her mom like five feet away."

"Jesus."

"Oh yeah? When was the last time you got a hummer?"

"It's been a while," he said chuckling. Lip slowed his movements, he had just remembered what he found earlier in the day.

"From a guy?" Lip asked as he reached under his mattress.

"What?" Ian asked as Lip threw the folder at him.

"That. Is what you're into? Really?" Suddenly the door opened and Lydia walked in.

————Lydia POV————

"Hey, what are you guys—. Shit, were you telling him?"

"You knew?" Lip asked looking at me like I was insane.

"Yeah I... I knew. It wasn't my secret to tell Lip."

"How the hell could you tell her and not me?" Lip asked Ian, who had grown very quiet.

"Come on Lip..." I said.

"How did he even tell you?" He asked as his face started to turn red.

"He was scared. He didn't know why he hadn't been having thoughts about the girls in his class so he asked me. We tested it out—"

"You tested it out? Wha— what the fuck is that?"

"Hey. Quit fucking yelling at me. We fooled around, we got nothing. Limp as a cooked noodle." I said crossing my arms.

"You're like our sister. Of course he's not gonna get fucking hard! That doesn't prove shit." He said harshly.

It was interesting. There's definitely a difference between knowing someone isn't really attracted to you and knowing that they aren't attracted to you. It was kinda freeing. I stepped closer to him.

"Oh really? You wanna bet?"

"Yes."

"Look at me." I said.

"What?" He asked incredulously.

"Look at me." I knew what he was seeing. A girl in his clothes with a little leftover make up smeared on her face and tousled hair.

"I'm looking at you." He said impatiently. Ian had scooted farther back onto his bed. When I glanced at him he seemed calmer if not a little bashful, he knew what I was doing.

I stepped forward slowly, two or three steps, until I was looking up at him from my position face to face with his chest. He looked confused and angry. Just like Ian when he had come to me so long ago. Knowing he didn't find me attractive somehow gave me confidence, I could feel it burning in my eyes.

Gently, I backed him towards Carl's bunk, thank God Carl wasn't in here right now. I put my hand solid on his chest and pushed him until he was sitting. He was breathing harshly from being so frazzled. Once he was all the way down I nudged his knees until they were out of my way and stood between them.

"What are you—"

"Shut up." I said cutting him off. I grabbed his hands from his sides and put them on my hips, putting pressure on them to let him know I wanted them to stay up. Leaning forward I lifted my leg until I could easily straddle his waist. I slowly leaned forward and pressed my braless chest against his, leaving only the thin T-shirt I was wearing between us. His breathing was a little harder now.

Like I said, confidence, I wasn't as nervous as I probably should be.

I traced one of his pecs with the tip of a finger and his breath caught a bit. Wrapping one arm around his shoulder I started playing with the hair on the nape of his neck. It was softer than I expected. His hands slowly left my hips and wrapped around my lower back I leaned forward and ran my nose along his jaw until I reached his ear.

"You're fully awake this time Casanova. Care to explain that," I said lowering my head a bit.

"Shit, Lyd. I get it ok. Do you mind?" He asked removing his hands from my back. Slowly I got up smirking the whole way.

"Don't be so smug."

"Kinda hard not to be." I said as I glanced at Ian. His face was red and he was trying his hardest not to look embarrassed. When I had done that to him he had almost acted like I was a spider he'd been so scared.

"I get the point, okay? But shit man," he said as he lit a cigarette. "Up the ass? It's like the whole point of the digestive system is one way traffic. It just is." He said as he took a huge inhale. Ian and I started laughing. He started to smile a bit before asking, "what?"

"Just like we're only given our lungs to fucking smoke right?" He said continuing to laugh. Lip joined in then and shook his head. Everything was gonna be ok, I thought smiling.

—————pb—————

Hi guys!! I hope you like it! I've been trying to figure out how to bring my thoughts about the story to fruition and I think it's getting there.

Leave a like or comment!!

Thank you!!


	9. Ch 9

Trigger warning, non-consensual intimate situation. Short and non explicit.*

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I take care of patience, trying to cultivate his gentle soul. He lives in a world of mayhem and the unknown. But he trusts those around him without fault. He trusts the brave girl, the beautiful boy, naïveté, chaos, and love. They are his family and his life. He has however, like them all, dealt with unnecessary pain. It is almost a mystery, his gentle soul.

—————pb—————

When did we lose our motivation?

Weren't we always in wonder over our very creation?

—————pb—————

Once Ian, Lip, and I all calmed down we heard a bang down the stairs that sounded like the front door. Suddenly Debbie and Carl ran in, battleship pieces in their hands, and jumped on Ian's bed to look down into the front yard. We all shuffled up to the window to see Steve staring at the house, looking disappointed.

He looked up and saw all of us there and sighed. I guess things didn't work the way he wanted them to. A few of us smirked at him and watched as he shook his head, got in his car, and drove off.

"That guys a douche," Lip said.

"Maybe," I said. "But he still tried to save Fi's purse. That's a brownie point in my book."

"You give brownie points to anybody," Lip said.

"Yup," I said smiling. The door behind us flew open.

"What happened to bed?! Come on guys let's go! Debs, teeth! Carl, pajamas! Move it!" Fiona said as she saw us all at the window. They scurried out and Fiona gave us a sharp look. I raised my hands trying to keep from looking guilty and walked to the door.

"Night guys," I said as I walked out and down the hall to Franks room. They chorused good nights after me and I smiled as I closed the door, locking it so Frank wouldn't stumble in at three in the morning. Laying down I smiled, tonight had been interesting.

—————later—————

I couldn't help but smile as I felt the bed dip beside me, my eyes were still closed but I wasn't worried. Liam had a habit of crawling in bed with me or Fiona.

Then an arm snaked over my hip and around my waist... that was new and most definitely not Liam.

My eyebrows scrunched in uncomfortable confusion and the grip got harder making me squirm.

Suddenly I was pulled back against a horribly familiar wide chest, and I couldn't help it, I started to struggle.

This was not who I anticipated.

This was not happening.

Not again.

I couldn't breath but the grip got tighter, I slung my legs trying to get off the bed but while my torso was up he got his other arm wrapped around me.

Hot breath boiled the skin at the back of my neck and I heard his scratchy voice.

"Quit struggling, you're only making it worse."

I didn't quit though, if anything I struggled harder. No one would say I didn't fight it this time.

Bucking against his grip I pulled in a deep breath and tried to scream but I couldn't hear anything. I gave it my all, cursing and screaming and thrashing and all I could hear was his breathing and manic laugh and loud banging from the headboard.

It couldn't happen again. Nothing made sense— he— he was dead.

I felt his hands everywhere, hard and unyielding. Scraping at my stomach and chest.

I pulled in another breath, hearing the gasp this time, and let it rip.

"NO! Let go of me!" I yelled as I suddenly flew off the bed and into the floor. The blankets pooled all around me, nearly confining me. I shuffled quickly back against the dresser in the room until I realized no one followed me down.

I blinked against the darkness of the room with wide eyes and harsh breaths. I could still hear the banging, but it wasn't the headboard, it was the door. I was gasping and shaking. My eyes were wide. It was just a dream. A nightmare.

"Lydia! Lydia— open the door." Fiona. Banging.

"Open the door Lydia!" Lip. Banging.

"Come on! Lyd, open up!" Ian. Banging.

Slowly I stood. My legs were shaking hard and my heart was slamming against my ribs almost as hard as they were on the door. When I got to the door I unlocked it, as soon as they heard the click of the lock the door was open.

"I— I'm sor— sorry— I'm sorry." I gasped out as Fiona rushed the room. Lip started to come in but I tensed and Ian grabbed his shoulder. Fi grabbed me in a hug holding me to her chest as she took a few steps back and sat us down on the bed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I- I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey... there's nothing to be sorry about. Come here."

Hot salt bubbled at my eyelids and streamed past my lashes, and she hugged me harder. Held me to her as if I was worth something. I was coated in sweat and it made the hair that had half fallen out of my bun cling to my throat and forehead. Fiona brushed it from my face and throat gently and pulled me back to her chest, cradling my head.

Her face was red and worried and she had tears in her eyes. She looked terrified. I felt her look over at the boys in the doorway and past them to the kids standing behind them. Lip and Ian were breathing hard and had red rimmed eyes. Carl and Debbie had wet tears on their cheeks and in their eyes.

They all looked terrified.

"I'm sorry," I said looking at them too. Debbie shook her head at me and rushed passed Lip to join the hug. She threw her small arms around my waist and buried her head in my side. She didn't know what it had been but she understood I'd had a nightmare.

Looking up at Lip he was running a hand through is hair and over his mouth, he was conflicted over what to do.

"Don't be sorry," he said softly. But it was all I could say. And I said it some more.

"Hey, don't be sorry. Why are you sorry?" He asked from two steps into the doorway. He raised his hand as if he wanted to brush my hair back but stopped. He was in as far as he could come without me tensing but I couldn't control it.

I wanted him there on the bed with us, hugging us, Ian too, but I couldn't bring myself to relax.

"I ruined it, I ruined—"

"Stop," He said shaking his head. His hands were balled in tight fists, his knuckles white.

"He can't hurt you," he said. "If we're lucky he's burning in hell, he's gone, Lyd."

He took a small step or two further into the room, as did Ian, and when I looked into his eyes I couldn't help but let my shoulders sag. Sighing in relief he took the last two steps and pulled me up from Fiona.

I buried my face in his chest as he held the back of my head and put his chin on top of my hair. Ian came to our side and wrapped us both in a warm hug. I grabbed his hand and held it close. From my other side I felt a short person bury their head in my side.

Letting go of Lip, I leaned down hugging Carl to my chest. He laid his head on my shoulder and squeezed my waist, sniffling in my ear.

"I'm sorry," I said in his ear. He shook his head no and squeezed me tighter. When we pulled back I grabbed both sides of his face rubbing his cheeks clean with my thumbs.

"I didn't mean to wake everyone up, I thought maybe sleeping here would keep them from—"

"Wait, how long have you been having nightmares?" Fiona asked from her spot on the bed, where she was still holding a pink faced Debbie.

I looked down at my hand in Ian's. In all honesty I had been having nightmares again since my mom went into the home. But none this bad.

"They came back two, maybe three weeks ago... this was the worst one." Lip pulled me to his chest again and my nose buried in his neck, his smell was calming. Cigarettes, generic shampoo, and toothpaste.

"Fuck, you scared— us."

"I'm sorry."

He pulled my head back and looked me in the eyes, he kept his hands on either side of my face so I wouldn't look away.

"Stop." He shook his head no and waited until I nodded a bit.

"Come on kids, back to bed... it's alright," Fiona said as she ushered Carl and Debbie out of the room. They both said soft good nights as they passed me and I ruffled their hair.

Lip and Ian shared a look and Ian gave him a nod before hugging me, kissing my forehead, and leaving quietly. He shut the door behind him.

"Come on," Lip said as he shuffled over to the bed. He waited until I was laying comfortably before throwing the blanket back over me and laying down beside me.

My breathing had finally evened out but my heart didn't know when to quit, I almost felt like I was having a heart attack.

"Come here," He said. Slowly I flipped to face him and shuffled closer. I was face to face with his chest again, and his chin was over my head. We were silent for a few minutes.

"You remember when we were seven? And Ian left his GI Joe on the train? You followed me while I got the train schedule and the talked to the conductors. And you remember how happy we were? Just riding the trains like adults. No where to be, no pressures?"

I nodded under his chin, my tears left crackling trails down my cheeks. He pulled back from me for a second, looking at my face. Running his thumb under my eyes he cleared the staining salt.

"It's just us here, no where to be, no pressures. Just be right here, nothing else exists." I nodded at him again, trying to smile. He reached up and stroked my hair back from my face and put his forehead on mine.

"God, you scared the shit out of me," He whispered.

As I opened my mouth he covered it lightly with his hand. "Don't say it."

Instead I cuddled in closer and he laid his arm on my shoulder. I could feel my eyes dropping closed and my heart had finally slowed down.

"Go to sleep, I'm right here."

So I did.

And I didn't have another nightmare.

—————pb—————

I woke up in grey light. It took me a minute to understand why my pillow was so warm and why it had a heartbeat.

I had my head on Lip's chest, his arm was wrapped around my shoulders, my arm was laying on his chest, and my leg was raised on his hip, our legs tangled together. I was molded into his side like I was made to be there.

I listened to his breathing while it made my head rise and fall, it was peaceful. Slowly opening my eyes I saw the peachy chest hair he had. It was light, fine, and smooth under my hands. I could tell it wouldn't get thick and course, it would be like the hair at his nape, soft with a light curl. I ran a few strands through my fingers.

Little did I know he was awake and watching me and the ceiling alternately.

"That feels nice," he mumbled making me gasp a little.

"I didn't mean to wake you up."

"No, you didn't, I've been awake for a while."

"So you've been stuck, I'm—"

"Lydia," he said sternly, shaking his head at me.

"Here I'll move." I started to pull back and pull my leg off his hip. But he suddenly tightened his arm around my shoulders and gripped my knee with his free hand.

"I'm actually super comfortable. You move now, I don't think I could forgive you," he said with a smile in his voice. I looked up at him and he quirked his eyebrow at me.

So I settled back into his side.

He wiggled his torso as we settled back into the bed and lifting his hand he started fiddling with a few pieces of my hair. I gave a small smile and ran my fingers over the fine hairs again.

We knew Fiona would be yelling for the kids to get up soon, and chaos would resume as quickly as it stopped. But for right now...

We were content.

—————pb—————

Hi guys! I hope that wasn't too bad. I just had the idea pop into my head and I couldn't resist trying to write it.

I hope you all enjoy the family connections!

Leave a like and a comment!

Thank you!


	10. Ch 10

I've known love for years. He's sweet and fiercely protective. Hiding in the shadows, he covets the love that he gives so freely. He's feels like the out cast, the black sheep. But, unknowingly, he is part of the yarn that keeps the family so tightly knit. You pull him out, the rest of them would start to unravel.

—————pb—————

How did you find someone so perfectly wrong?

But I was right in front of you, all along?

—————pb—————

Of course we had to get up eventually. Lip had to get ready for school, I had to watch Liam. But it had been a nice morning.

I was sitting at the kitchen table watching the chaos surround Liam and I. Fiona was throwing lunches in bags, Carl was sticking things in the microwave, Debbie was trying to choose between two shirts, Ian was working on last minute homework, and Lip was just coming down the stairs pulling his over shirt down over long sleeves. Liam and I were just sitting here enjoying our Honey O's.

"Alright kids, lunches! Lyd, are you sure you don't mind watching Liam?"

"Of course I'm sure. We're gonna have a fun day, right little man?" I said smiling at Liam and tickling his tummy. He giggled like crazy, if I could have I would have melted into the floor right there.

"Ok well we're gonna talk when I get home. You know that right?" She asked with a meaningful look.

"Yeah I— I know," I said looking down.

"Don't worry about it, she's probably just going to ask you to move in," Lip said as he sat at the table.

"It's better than her sleeping all by herself over at that house! She could hurt herself!"

"Okay Fi, time for you to go to work. Kids school, me and Liam will be here when you get back," I said quickly as I stood and shoved Fi's lunch bag in her hand.

"We are going to ta—" I cut her off

"I know. We'll be here. Go make money, and thank God I'm off today."

She sighed as she searched my face for a minute before nodding and leaning down to hug me. She was taller than me just like everyone else. Soon Carl and Debbie would beat me too.

"Be good little man," she said to Liam as she rubbed his head and passed him to open the back door.

"Alright kids! School!"

Suddenly there was a flurry of motion, Debbie and Carl threw their book bags over their shoulders and grabbed their lunches before heading out. Lip and Ian hung back for a second telling Fi they were just about to leave and to go ahead to work. She sighed and closed the door.

"I don't even want to go," Lip said. "I know all that shit already."

"The faster you go the faster it'll be over," I said. "Do you have tutoring with Karen Jackson again?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I'm going after her tutoring with Jake Carter. Apparently she's got a C in history too."

"I'll bet," I said slightly disbelieving. He scrunched his eyebrows at me.

"We'll see you after school ok?" Ian asked me as he nudged Lips arm.

"Ok, say bye-bye Liam!"

He said a soft bye as they walked by.

"Bye buddy," Lip said with a silly face. He always did have a soft spot for the kids. Soon after they closed the door behind them and it was just the two of us.

"What do you say we watch some TV, Li-man?" I asked him. Only to be greeted with a cheerful "Yeah!"

I brought Liam into the living room and sat with him on the couch. After about an hour of watching television I was flipping through the channels when I heard my phone start to ring. I landed on a cartoon and reached for the phone checking the caller ID.

The Home.

I turned the volume down quickly and picked up.

"Hello? Mama? Is that—?"

"Hello is this Miss. Walsh?"

"Yes, Lydia Walsh, is everything ok?" I asked frantically.

"Yes, Miss Walsh, everything is alright... But we need you to come in today."

"If everything is alright why do you need me to come in? What's wrong?"

"There has been a new development with your mother... we need to speak with you face to face. If you could please come—"

"I'll be there!... I'll be there, I just need an hour or so. I'll be there."

"Alright Miss. Walsh we will see you soo—" I hung up. My brain was in overdrive. I couldn't figure out what could possibly be so wrong they needed me to come in? What the hell could be new?

I called Fiona but it went to voice mail. One of the kids probably had the phone. I left a message anyway. They would probably worry if they got home and I wasn't here, I didn't even know how long this would take.

Then I called her job and left a message with them. I asked them to tell her that everything was alright but that I had to take Liam with me to the home. I told them I'd have my phone and she knew my number.

Then I packed a bag as quickly as possible for Liam. I was on autopilot.

Snack, juice, change of clothes, diapers, wipes, a couple of toys. And to dress him, jacket, boots, hat, and scarf just in case. He was so quiet the whole time, not even fussing when I turned off the TV. He just leaned his head to the side and reached up to be held.

I ran upstairs and got dressed quickly with him sitting on Fi's bed. To say I was in a rush would be an understatement. Soon enough I locked the back door and grabbed my spare key and we were out the front. I locked that too to keep Frank out and suddenly we were on the L.

I was shaking a little and I didn't realize I was tearing up until Liam reached a hand up and swiped it on my face. He looked at his hand a little confused and I nearly broke out crying all together.

"It's ok Liam, Lydie is just going to visit her Mama."

He cooed at me in baby talk for a while as we sat waiting for our stop. Looking around the train car I saw a couple of older women glancing at me and whispering behind their hands.

After ignoring it for a few minutes I finally got fed the fuck up.

"Hey lady. If you got something to say spit it out." I said harshly. They looked startled.

"We just think it's a shame... such a young mother—"

"And on top of it he's bla—"

"Oh shut the fuck up, Betsy Holier than thou. So what if he is my fucking kid. I know a woman who's raised six kids and herself and they are all great fucking people. Get your head out of your ass, it's stuck in the nineteen thirties." I yelled. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish.

"Well I never—"

"You just did." I said as the train slowed to a stop. I grabbed Liam and his bag, this was were we were headed anyway.

"I can't believe some people Liam."

He nodded like he understood.

"You're too cute for your own britches."

He smiled at me.

"Alright buddy, it's right up here. You gonna help me get through it?" I asked him knowing he would nod and smile like he knew.

Holding him, we walked the last few blocks to the Home my mother was staying in. It seemed cold, looking at it from the outside.

Walking in I stepped straight up to the lady at the desk.

"I'm Lydia Walsh. I'm here to see my mother." I was trying to hide how nervous I was. I don't think it was working.

"Hello! Miss. Walsh, right this way."

She directed me through a room and down a hall of people watching television and crafting... whatever.

"Now before you go in—"

"Is she okay?"

"She's... her condition has worsened at the pace that the doctor predicted. But there have been some developments that were unexpected. Mainly in her personality."

"Personality?"

"Yes... she isn't as, docile as she was, she's become... excuse me but she's rude. I would advise that you just don't mention your father."

Ice ran down my spine. I nodded to her and, hiking Liam further up my hip, walked in.

There she sat, reclining in her medical bed. Her hair looked clean and brushed, her nails freshly painted. The television was on but the sound was muted. She had a book propped on her side table and a hamper of dirty clothes in the far corner. She looked good.

"Hey... Mama, how are you doing?" I asked as I slowly walked in. She didn't turn towards me, to busy reading the subtitles.

"Mama?" She sighed and grabbed the remote pausing her show.

"Hello, Lydia Ann. What do you want?"

"I was just wondering how you were..."

"I am fine. And I told you not to come see me."

"I know but they—"

"What? They told you I should meet my grandson? Didn't even tell me you were pregnant, now you show up with a black baby and you probably expect me to take care of it."

"He's not mine."

"Oh sure he's not."

"You've only been in here a month, Mama. He's over a year old!"

"Doesn't make a difference, it's hard to tell when whores are pregnant."

"Mama?!"

She had ice in her eyes. She was hiding nothing.

"Do not call me that. You are not my daughter."

"Yes I am! Mama—"

"You are Not My Daughter."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I held Liam closer, he had laid his head on my shoulder and was griping my shirt tightly.

"I'm saying your not my daughter. You weren't Jeremy's daughter. Jeremy and I were barren. Infertile. Sterile. You were the answer... We see how well that turned out."

I was frozen. So this was the development. She had lost her fucking mind.

"He always was enamored with you. Your hair—"

"Stop it."

"Your size."

"Stop it, Mama!"

"I am not your mother! Your mother was a whore, just like you turned out to be. She left you at the hospital, with the rest of the rejected spawn. You were lucky Jeremy even saw you."

I was hyper-ventilating, Liam was starting to whimper, Mama was red faced and steely eyed. All I could do was blink at her. She had to be deranged. There was a tumor in her brain, her liver was leaking poison, something.

Suddenly I turned on my heels hiking up Liam and his bag further up on my shoulder and walked out of the room.

"Miss. Walsh! Where are you—"

"Can it, Janet!" I yelled over my shoulder.

"You always were good at running away Lydia Ann! I bet you get it from your whore mother!" I herd the woman I call mother yell behind me.

Suddenly I was outside gulping deep breaths of the sweet polluted Chicago air.

I grabbed my phone from my bag and checked for messages. None. Great. Liam was hugging me tightly as if he was scared and truth be told I was hugging him for the same reason.

I tried Fiona's phone again. It was around eleven now, whatever kid had her phone had to have a break at some point.

"Hello? Lydia?" Ian.

"Uhm, yeah, hey. How's school?" I said. I knew I was breathing hard but I needed to just talk.

"It's... it's good, are you okay?"

"Uhm, yeah! Yeah, me and Liam got a call this morning."

"Where are you?"

"We're at the home."

"The home?"

"My mom is crazy."

"Lydia, do you need us to—"

"Don't you dare. You need school Ian Gallagher. You and Lip. I'm fine. I just— I had to tell someone she was crazy."

"How is she crazy?"

"She said I'm not her daughter. That her and dad were— are sterile."

"Holy fuck," he said disbelieving. I heard Lip in the background bugging Ian about what was going on. "Shut up, I'll tell you in a minute," he said away from the receiver.

"What are you gonna do?" He asked me.

That was a good question. I didn't know what the fuck to do. Maybe...

"I think I have to get my DNA tested... it's the only way."

"Can you even get that assholes DNA? I thought they cremated him."

"Mama kept his hairbrush. In the bathroom on the sink next to hers, she never cleaned it out."

"That's disgusting."

"It's all I've got. But I can't do it right now," if I found out they weren't my parents I don't know what I'd do.

"It'll be okay. You and Liam go to the house and hang out. We'll be home before you know it."

I think the hours were definitely gonna tick by slow as fuck.

—————pb—————

Hi guys! Plot twist!

I hope you're enjoying it! Leave a like or comment!!

Have a great day!!


	11. Ch 11

You can say a lot with silence, it is the speech no one gives but everyone hears. It can deafen you if you aren't careful, but lull others. You can say anything with silence, almost better than you can with words. That's why I don't listen to half of what people say. I listen to what they don't.

—————pb—————

Do you even realize what you are missing?

Don't you understand that you aren't even listening?

—————pb—————

The ride home was silent, our train car mostly empty. Liam was dosing, off and on, on my shoulder as I held him tight. He was my rock to sanity right now and I was thankful to have him. If I had gone alone I would have ended up riding the train until there was no where else to go. Staring into space.

But he was my tether, reminding me that I had to take care of him. He needed me. He couldn't find his way without me right now, much less make it.

Soon we reached our stop and I grabbed his bag off the floor. We made our way out and onto the sidewalk and I started slowly walking back home. At least it was the only place that ever felt like home. All I could do was stare at my feet hitting the sidewalk.

We finally made it to the Gallagher gate and as I turned to go up the front walk I stopped short. Lip was here.

"Hey." He said dangling the cigarette in his hand, he stood up.

"Hey... what are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you, I was going to go in but it's locked."

"I didn't want Frank to get in," I said a little distracted. "Why are you here? Why aren't you in school?"

He scoffed at me a little and shook his head.

"I know all that shit Lyd. You're more important than that."

"Lip—"

"Hey— You are. I'll go and take the test, I'll pass and it'll be fine. One absence isn't gonna rot my brain... Come on, let's go in."

So we did. We sat on the couch with Liam between us watching television as I told him everything that had happened.

"Holy fuck."

"That's what Ian said," I said with a small laugh. I looked down at my hands twisting a ring on my finger back and forth.

"What are you gonna do?" He asked.

"The only logical thing to do is get a DNA test. Who knows, I mean she's probably just crazy."

"Or she just doesn't give a fuck what she says."

"That too," I said looking back at my hands.

"Me and Ian will go with you. Hell maybe we should get tested. Who knows, we may not even be Franks," he laughed.

"Yeah, that sounds good," I said with a smile. Suddenly my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Lydia! Hey, are you okay?? My ass of a manager didn't tell me what happened until a few minutes ago? What happened? Is your mom ok? Are you—"

"Fi! Slow down, I'm fine... she's fine, she just— she—"

"What did she do?" She suddenly sounded angry.

"She told me some things... just don't worry, okay? I'll tell you when you get home."

"You better."

"During our talk."

"Ok, I have to go back in my breaks almost over. Be safe."

"You too," I said before hanging up.

"You didn't tell her I was here?" Lip asked as he handed me a beer.

"Nah, she would just worry. You gonna head back?"

"Nope. I'm gonna hang with you and Liam today," he said sipping his. He leaned back and threw his arm over the back of the couch and around my shoulders.

"What about tutoring Karen?" I asked glancing at my hands.

"That's not till later tonight. She can wait."

I smirked a bit at my hands and nodded.

"Okay."

—————later—————

The kids got home a few hours later and Fiona barged in the door not long after them.

"Okay. Lydia, you're living with us."

A quiet Steve walked in behind her, his hands in his pockets.

I was shocked, I mean I expected something along the lines of 'you can move in with us if you want.' And she sounded pissed.

"Uhm, ok..." I glanced around at the kids to see if they were just as confused as I was. Ian looked a little uncomfortable.

"She isn't going to fuck with your head like that either, you hear me? She isn't fucking with one of my kids. I have half a mind to go down there and slap the shit out of her."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your 'Mother,' she—"

"I haven't even told you what happened!"

"You didn't have to! Ian did."

I looked over at him. His face was burning and he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Ian!"

"I'm sorry! She called me!" He said in his defense.

"Fiona!"

"I had to know! You're staying here and that's final," she said. Her eyes were wide and she had a hand on her hip while the other pointed harshly at the floor as if she was trying to make a point.

"She's been ranting about it the whole way here," Steve said.

I laughed in disbelief. Throwing my hands up a bit I kinda couldn't quit smiling. She called me one of her kids.

"Okay."

"Lydia you can't just—. Wait, what?"

"Okay. I'll move in. But I call Franks room." I said pointing in her face.

"No arguments?"

"None... why so shocked?" I asked dropping my hand.

"...I have no idea." She said with a small smile and a quirk of her confused eyebrows.

"Yay!!! Lydia is moving in!" Debbie started yelling.

"She already lives here, idiot," Carl said Debbie reached over to smack his head.

"I don't know what to do about mamas house though. It's just sitting there."

"Well who gets it in the will?"

"Fiona," Ian said with a look that told her she was being insensitive.

"What? That old bat has it coming. She's a bitch."

I laughed at them. "Actually... I think I own the house."

"You own the house?!"

"Yeah, I mean... when my dad died—" there was a collective tensing in the older people in the room, I sighed. Steve looked at them confused.

"When my dad died I remember my mom being pissed about it. He had taken her name off the deed without telling her. He could because it was his family's house, but he left it to me in his will." I said thoughtful. He had also left at least half of his life insurance to me.

"Why would he leave you the house and not your mom?" Steve asked. Fiona, Lip, and Ian all shared a look.

"Well I... I'm not sure."

Now that I thought about it, it made me wonder if he did it to be an asshole. Forcing the house, that held so much torment for me, down my throat.

"Well that's kinda perfect," Lip said.

"Sell it!" Fiona said.

Suddenly my shoulders felt a little lighter. I could sell it, couldn't I? And that would be a huge chunk of money in my savings, along with the rest of his life insurance money... holy shit.

"Holy shit."

"Holy shit is right, that house could go for a hundred grand easy, maybe more!" Lip said.

Suddenly I saw a future. Maybe not an extravagant one but one where I didn't have to worry about feeding myself in a few years. I could really help here too.

"I gotta go pack," I said with a huge smile. "Lip, Ian? Would you help?"

"Shit yeah. You wanna go now?" Ian asked.

"No time like the present," I said smiling. "Fi, you need a new mattress?"

"Hell yeah!"

"What about you guys? We have extra in the guest rooms!" The two guest rooms in the house each had two twin beds pushed together on one frame to make one bed. That was enough for everyone.

"I do! Mine is all lumpy," Debbie said. Carl didn't say anything but I saw his eyes light up.

"Jackpot." I said.

"Wait, how are we supposed to move all this stuff?" Lip asked.

"I have an idea," I said with a small smile. "Steve, would you stay with Liam?"

"Uh, sure yeah."

Suddenly Lip, Ian, Fiona, and I were all standing in front of the Ball-Fisher door. Reaching up I knocked three times, behind the door I heard cursing and stumbling. Suddenly the door was wide open and there stood Kev in boxers and some type of robe.

"How did I know?" He asked.

"You're clairvoyant?" I said in a guessing tone, with a small smile. He gave me an unimpressed face.

"What do you want Gallagher?" He said looking at me. I couldn't help but smile.

"I want your truck."

"Excuse me?!" He said disbelieving.

"There's a reward in it for you."

"Huh... and that is?"

"A new couch."

"You robbing someone?"

"Nope."

"Knocking over a furniture store?"

"Nope."

"Raiding an abandoned building?"

"No," I said laughing. He smiled at me, I think he always had a soft spot for me.

"Well what are you doing?"

"Selling my parents house."

He looked stunned. "Shit."

"Yeah," I said. "I already promised all the mattresses, but the couch and coffee table are yours if you let us use your truck."

"Hey V! You want a new couch?" Suddenly there was a squeal from inside the house and V magically appeared.

"You're buying me a couch? Where did you get the money?" She asked him.

"Not him, me." I said. "I'm cleaning my house out to sell it. And if Kev let's me borrow the truck... you get a couch. It's practically new. There's also a coffee table..." I said enticingly.

"Kevin if you don't give this girl your keys I will cut off your balls."

Suddenly there was a pair of keys thrust in my face.

"Thank you so much!"

And that was how we ended up carting every single mattress from my house to my home that night.

Lip called and rescheduled with Karen, which he said was probably best for both of them. Apparently her dad caught her sucking off Jake Carter under the table while he was tutoring her and threw a fit. He moved out and took all his clown figurines. When Lip told us this he seemed a little disgusted.

"Okay Fi, you can have the mattress from my room and I'll use the mattress from my moms room. All the guest rooms haven't really been used so those mattresses are new, everyone else gets one."

Each kid grabbed a mattress from upstairs as Fi and I grabbed hers from her room, the springs were creaking with every step we took. Steve had grabbed the one from my new room. Soon all of the old mattresses were piled out in the yard and the new ones were in their places.

"What are you gonna do with all those bed frames?" Fiona asked dusting her hands off on her pants. We were walking back from giving Kev his keys back and promising to bring the couch over the weekend when we borrowed the truck again. It was getting pretty dark but no one seemed to mind.

"If you want one you're more than welcome to it, I'm gonna be using one from one of the guest rooms. I'm probably gonna sell the rest. Maybe I'll give one to Kev and V if they want it."

"Yes. I want your moms," she said quickly. I laughed at how eager she was.

"Then it's yours," I said smiling. "You know what I was thinking while we were there though? We could use some new TVs."

The kids all cheered and I couldn't help but smile. They had given me a family, and love, when I didn't think I had anyone. A few mattresses and TV's and whatever else they needed from me was nothing compared to that.

Suddenly we heard, "what are you doing to my house?" He was standing my the pile of old mattresses on the curb. We had left them there because we knew they would probably be gone by tomorrow afternoon. The homeless would never pass up a free mattress.

"We're remodeling Frank. All new mattresses."

"You got me a mattress for my room?"

"You don't live here Frank. That's my room." I said with raised eyebrows.

"You can't just win my family's affection with new mattresses! They don't accept charity from anyone! Especially not the likes of yo—" he was cut off my a fist to the face. Lip.

Ian was right behind him. He grabbed Frank by the shoulders and spun him but the momentum threw them both to the ground. I was yelling, Fiona was yelling, and Debbie was nearly screaming. Suddenly Steve hauled Frank up and punched him square in the face.

Fiona got pissed, Ian was bleeding, Frank was bleeding, and Fiona yelled at Steve to leave. Lip and I supported Ian up the steps, as he held his bleeding nose the whole way. Fiona was shouting at Frank more and soon enough he left, with his tail between his legs, to get shitfaced at the Alibi.

Overall it was a pretty eventful day.

—————next day—————

"Franks missing." Fiona told Tony. We had spent most of the day scouring the city for him. It was the last Friday and he never missed that.

Come to find out Steve had a master plan after last night. Canada. If he thought he was getting back in everyone's good graces with a new washing mashing and shipping Frank to Canada just before the last Friday he had a whole other thing coming.

At least I had gotten to search the town with Lip.

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Hi! I am trying to follow the basic bones of the story but I figured that I would definitely mix it up a bit.

Again I hope you are all enjoying it! Leave me a like and a comment if you want!!

Thank you!


	12. Ch 12

There's always a breaking point. Did you know that? You try as hard as you can to steal clear of the breaking point. You try not to stress and worry over things that you can't control, but the thoughts keep piling up. Getting heavier and heavier on the bridges that connect your neurons and synapses until finally the threads snap and fire randomly. Once that breaking point is reached it's pretty hard to get the balance back.

—————pb—————

How hard am I willing to try?

Baby, dont you know, if you'd let me I'd try until I die?

—————pb—————

"So, Mr. Perry is your aunt huh?"

It wasn't lost on me that when he was reassuring me like a two and a half or three months ago, he said if his aunt was still alive my mom would be fine, he was lying. Not purposefully, and totally without any fault of his own, might I add.

Ginger had been dead for twelve years. And they needed an old woman to fake out the FBI. Thank god they didn't ask me to go to the home with them. I couldn't even bring myself to call now.

"No, uh, that's who Frank brought. We got a old confused lady here too." I'd seen her, she looked like a character from some horror movie.

"So you're headed out to tutor Karen?"

"Yeah, she got a B on her last test though so I don't think I'll be going over as often any more."

"Oh.." I said, I didn't really know how to talk about Karen Jackson. He thought she was cool, I thought she was a fucking cunt from hell.

"She's been kinda pushy lately."

"Pushy?"

"Touching me a lot, trying to get me to fuck her. But I don't know."

"Why not?" I asked, I pretended to be searching through the fridge for beer.

When I 'found' some I grabbed two, setting one in front of him.

"She's been with a lot of guys."

"Oh I know," I said.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Use that tone, when we talk about her you sound like you know something I don't."

I sighed.

"I just don't like her."

"Why? What'd she do?"

I was quiet for a minute before I looked up from my bottle at him.

"Come on, tell me."

"She fucked Billy."

"Lyd, you and Billy have been broken up for months. So what?"

I looked down at my bottle.

"That's not it, I just meant—"

"Then what the fuck do you mean? If you still have feelings for that asshole—" I cut him off yelling. He was getting loud with me for no fucking reason and that wasn't going to fly.

"I don't have fucking feelings for Billy Goddamn Marshall. She fucked him behind a fucking gas station while we were still together. Every week, Tuesday's at seven. Milkovich pointed it out and I got my own proof." By the end of my mini rant I was staring him in the face. His eyes were downcast and his cheeks were burning.

"And why the fuck do you care if I hate her? What you like her?"

He clenched his jaw and brought his hand up to rub his nose one good time.

"If you like her, by all fucking means get with her. My opinion isn't shit. But just remember that while she may be fucking you, you won't be the only one." I slammed back the rest of my beer and chucked the bottle into the trash.

He thought I still had feelings for that fuck ass. It was unbelievable.

"Have fun at tutoring." I said before running up the stairs.

"Lyd... Lydia!" He called after me. I slammed the door to Franks room. Soon after I heard the back door close louder than normal. Not quite a slam.

—————pb—————

Of course it had to be me. I had to be the one to go get Lip. Of course Debbie stole a baby. She was a regular kidnapper. And of fucking course he had to be tutoring Karen fucking Jackson while I was looking for him.

Walking up to her front door I could feel my face setting farther and farther into a frown. Her house was beautiful. Of course she had to have a nice house.

I knocked on the door harshly and it was opened a few moments later by a very thin skittery woman with a floral print dress and a white apron on. She started speaking through the three inch crack, I could see the chain on the door.

"Um, he-Hello. Is there something you need?" She asked in a high pitched anxious voice. She wasn't even looking at me, she was too busy looking past me. Her eyes jumped back and forth quickly.

"Uhm, yeah. I need to talk to Lip." I said with scrunched eyebrows.

"Ohh, are you a friend of his."

"Something like that," I said.

"Okay! Just hold on right here I'll get you a bag for your shoes."

"A bag?"

"Yes! For your shoes! They're filthy!" She slammed the door. I scrunched my face even further looking at my shoes. So they had a little dirt who cares?

"Here! Just put them in here!" She thrust a bag at me, again not even bothering to look at me. Slowly I pulled off my shoes and put them in the bag. She slammed the door again and I could hear the chain being removed. Suddenly the door was pulled open just wide enough for me to slip in before she slammed it, chained it, locked it, and clicked the lock on the door knob.

The house was pristine. Covers on all the furniture, a white carpet that didn't even look used, a fucking bowl of fruit on the table. And no fucking dust anywhere. All I could do was raise an eyebrow. The woman who I totally could see being Karen's mother came bustling by me.

"Karen! There's someone here to see Lip!" She yelled up the staircase. She rushed into the kitchen busy cooking something.

"It smells nice in here Mrs. Jackson."

"Oh thank you dear!"

Lip and Karen came traipsing down the stairs. He was shocked as hell to see me, Karen's face turned sour.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I came here to get Lip. Family emergency." I said looking at him.

"Okay, I just gotta go get my bag."

He turned back around leaving me in the living room, Karen on the stairs, and her crazy mother in the kitchen.

"Oh dear! I didn't offer you anything to drink, do you have to go so soon?" Finally she looked at me.

"Carly?" She asked. Suddenly she was walking around to the living room and she slowed as she got closer. She almost looked heartbroken.

"Carly Annette?"

"Uhm..." I said looking back from her to Karen. Karen looked just as confused as I did for a moment before her face got cold. "No, Mrs. Jackson. I'm Lydia. Lydia Walsh..."

"Oh, I... I'm sorry I just... Karen dear could you help me up the stairs? I think I need to lay down." She looked shaky and Karen rushed down the stairs to grab her arm. As she passed me she gave me a look that could freeze boiling water. They disappeared up the stairs just as Lip was heading down.

"What's up with her?"

"I have no clue. She called me Carly and had some type of freak out. Said she needed to lay down."

He gave me a confused look and I shrugged. Soon enough Karen came down the stairs.

"What did you do to my mom?" She sounded pissed.

"What?" I asked flummoxed. She had literally been there.

"My mom. What did you do to her. She's freaking out."

"I didn't do anything to her!"

"Bullshit!"

"Bullshit my ass! You were here the whole fucking time! She called me Carly and had a freak out! All she did was look at me!"

"Get out of my house! Don't you ever show your fucking face here again!"

"Jesus Karen, overeating a bit here." Lip said. If anything she got even redder.

"You either! Get the fuck out!"

"Gladly!" I shouted back at her. I ripped my shoes out of the fucking bag and ripped the door open as quickly as I could with all the fucking locks.

"Karen come on, what the fuck happened?!"

"She fucked with my mom!"

I whirled around. "I didn't do shit to your fucking mom! Get that through your thick bleached skull! God you're such a fucking bitch!"

"At least I don't have to fucking follow Billy Marshall around to get him to fuck me!" She shouted. I went white.

"What the fuck Karen?!" Lip asked.

"You ever come near me again, your pretty little face is going to be rearranged." I said quietly. Walking out I slammed the door behind me. A few seconds later it opened and closed again, Lip following close behind me.

I ripped open my pack of cigarettes and threw one in his face before lighting my own and taking a long drag as I walked at a quick pace.

"Jesus Lyd," He said as he scrambled to catch it.

"What the fuck was that?" He asked.

"You tell me, she's your little girlfriend, you know her a hell of a lot better than I do."

"Hey don't be hostile with me, she's the one that flew off the handle."

"Oh whatever, I bet you two were upstairs fucking right?"

"Why do you even care?!" He asked.

"I don't!" I yelled. "Now come on we have to fucking hurry. Debbie stole a baby."

"She did what?!"

"You heard me! She stole a fucking baby! It's all over the news, they called him in missing. We have to give him back!"

—————pb—————

Soon enough we were jumping into the fray at the house. Not only did the water heater go out this week, Debbie decides she wants to commit grand theft infant. It was perfect.

Every one eventually got into position, making calls as Debbie got in the car with Fiona and Steve, who was apparently cool again. Lip and I headed over to the Casdens to see if anything had changed, like concerned neighbors.

"The fuck was she thinking?" He asked.

"She was thinking that she could take better care of him than they could. Watch she's gonna be a teen mom." I said.

"Debs? Nah she's too smart for that."

"You do understand that, while he's a total narcissist asshole, your dad is kind of a genius. And he had six kids with a bipolar wacko. The smarts may be there but sometimes it's a lack of common sense that shoots the hunter in the foot."

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. It had been almost half an hour, Debbie should be walking up with him any time now.

And sure enough there they were, Casey was returned and Debbie literally got showered with money.

If you ask me it was a positive reinforcement of a negative behavior, but hell she could use that money.

And use it she did, as we partied that night we got a hell of a delivery. She bought a fucking water heater. A huge ass water heater that definitely stored enough hot water for ten showers.

"Debbie," I said. "Come here for a minute."

She walked over slowly.

"Look kid, I know this had a great turn out. But you can't go around stealing kids. It's a felony. And not all parents are willing to shower people with money for finding their kids."

She hung her head a bit.

"But hey," She looked up. "You did a great fucking job." A huge smile broke out on her face and she reached up and threw her arms around my neck. Hopefully I could make some kind of impact on her crazy ass.

—————pb—————

"So, you gonna keep tutoring Karen?" I asked Lip as we sat at the kitchen table. It was quiet through the house, everyone had gone to bed but the two of us by now and it was late as hell.

"No uh, I told her I didn't tutor bitches before I left. She seemed pretty shocked."

I got a smug smile. Good, she could be a bitter ass bitch all on her own.

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Hey you guys!!! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Big things coming!

Have a great day!!


	13. Ch 13

Nothing is simple, everything is marred. I can't pinpoint the day that innocence left my life. It melted down before boiling and evaporating to nothingness. I think there are a few drops left, some residue left in the pan. But it takes elbow grease to dredge it up. Only to worry that someone will use the last of that residue too.

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Why can't I see how pointless this is?

Why can't I accept that I might not be his?

—————pb—————

So I knew planning weddings was difficult. Always have. But a fake wedding? With a crazy brother? All on top of semi-avoiding Lip? Not as easy as it sounds.

And V only got a five hundred bucks for the whole thing.

Carl had been acting up again. Hitting kids at school, it was time for he and I to have a talk.

"Hey kid." I said walking up to him.

"Lyd." He said, he sounded kinda ticked but I guess Fi had tried to talk to him before I had. I walked into the bedroom and sat on Ian's bed.

"Heard you beat on a few kids."

"So?"

"So what did they do?" I asked.

"I hit them okay? There was—"

"I didn't ask what you did," I started, cutting him off. "I asked what they did." He looked at his hands like he didn't know what to do with them.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit." He looked up at me quick. We sat in silence for a minute, eyeing each other.

"What did they do?" He was quiet for a long time, almost too long. Before he started to talk quietly.

"They called us orphans. Said that no one wanted us."

"They're wrong."

"Are they?" He looked tearful. It was interesting, the way Carl showed emotion. He either played like he didn't have any, or let them flow.

"They're wrong." I said again nodding. "You know that everyone in this house loves you. Fiona, Lip, Ian, Debbie, Liam... me. We all love you. And want you. So what if they think the only thing someone needs is to be wanted by their parents. If they actually thought about it they'd realize that their parents don't want them either." He sat on his bed looking at his hands.

"Hey," I said. "Look at me."

He slowly lifted his head.

"No one, no one, has the right to tell you that you aren't loved. But you have to quit beating the shit out of them. It lets them know that you give a fuck about what they're saying. You wanna seem like you don't give a fuck?" He nodded. "Then don't give in." I stood from the Ian's bed.

"Did you get in any good hits?"

He smiled a huge smile.

—————pb—————

The home called again, she was dying. She wanted to see me. To say I was shocked was an understatement. Soon enough I was standing in front of what I call hell now. She was here, my personal devil. Ready to strike pain or incite confusion, and I wasn't ready.

So I grit my teeth and walked in anyway.

"I'm here for Mrs. Walsh, my mother."

"Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear how badly she is doing. It's a miracle that she's lasted this long," the insipid woman behind the counter said. "She's been such a joy to have here." I laughed internally. She never really was a joy now that I thought about it. Passive politeness, jarring statements said in anger or indifference, and the horrible stiffness of her dismissive attitudes.

"I think everyone is surprised by my mother." We had gone through the craft hall and were standing at her door now.

"I'm surprised I haven't seen you visit before." She must have been off duty last time I was here.

"She doesn't much care for visitors."

"You're right, I don't." My mother said. The nurses eyes widened a bit. I smiled a small dismissive smile and walked into the room slowly.

"Hello Mama." I said.

"Ugh, you're still on that are you?" She started coughing. "I figured you would've found the adoption paper work by now?" I stared at her for a minute.

"I've been staying with the Gallagher's."

"Dreadful bunch of people."

"I sold the house."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I packed up everything and sold the house. One hundred and forty three grand. And dads life insurance money."

"He finally paid off his whore." She was staring at the ceiling.

"If I'm adopted, why did you keep me? You must've known he was doing something. Noticed anything."

"I kept you because I knew no one else would've wanted you." It stung. Who knew why she was talking this way. Maybe she just knew that with how close to death she was she didn't need to hide.

"You're dying." I stated bluntly.

"That I am."

"Why did you want me here?"

"Well, even though I absolutely abhor you, you're family. And I love my family."

"This isn't love. The way you've treated me isn't love."

"It's all I know." And I stopped for a minute. She had a sharp tongue and a mean spirit, but who or what had made her like that?

"So this is it then? The last bit of time we have together?"

"My guess is another half hour maybe a little longer." And that was all we said. I excused myself to make a call telling her I would be back. Lip had the phone today and no matter how much or little I was trying to avoid him at this point I needed to hear his voice.

After seven or eight rings the phone cut to voice mail.

"Hey uh... I don't know what your up to but if you could just— If you could just come by the home soon. I think that... I know that my mom is about to die. She says she's only got about half an hour, who knows though she's always been dramatic. She does that when she knows she's getting attention. And she— fuck it I'm rambling. Just come by... when you get this call I don't know how long I'm gonna be here. See you soon... I— bye."

Hanging up I walked back in her room. I sat in the chair by her bed. And when she put her hand out I grabbed it. We sat like that for a long while. When I finally looked up and into her face she was looking at me. She had tears in her eyes.

"I am a prideful woman and I hurt you trying to protect that pride." She was quiet for a minute. Now I couldn't help but tear up as well, I looked down at our conjoined hands.

When I glanced back at her face she was still looking at me.

"I am so sorry." And with the fall of a tear and one last breath she was gone. The tears that had built in my eyes spilled forth and I leaned over our hands and sobbed.

For my ruined childhood, for her ruined childhood, and for the relationship that we lost the second my so called father took any semblance of innocence from me. It was all gone.

—————pb—————

I had called a couple more times but each time I got the voice mail. I let him know that my mother died, and that I hoped he was alright. Usually he looks at the phone.

It had been another hour or so and the nurses came in to do their jobs, checking vitals and the like to be sure. They also helped me set up some small arrangements for a type of funeral. It was specified in her will that she be cremated. Once the details were ironed out and I finally left I felt shell shocked.

Both of my parents were gone now, and I truly was an orphan. It was an interesting trip to the L. None of the bums tried to stop me or ask for change, none of the street benders seemed to be yelling at me today, the whole city had a sort of hush that I never remembered experiencing before today.

When I finally reached the station I sat on a bench to wait for the train to pull up. After ten minutes or so I finally heard the train before I saw it pull to a stop. As I stood I looked in the window.

Lip.

With Karen Fucking Jackson.

Phone in hand he looked at the screen clicked it closed and put it back in his pocket. The breath knocked out of me. I sat back down quickly.

All I could feel was a stinging where my heart should be.

—————pb—————

I waited for the next train. One where Lip wasn't sitting with Karen. Where he didn't discard my calls. Where he didn't give a fuck about Karen.

I stared at my shoes the whole ride. Autopilot must have been engaged because somehow I was standing and exiting the train before I made it out to the sidewalk and on the way to the Gallagher house.

When I walked up Fiona was sitting on the steps. When she saw me she stood quickly and rushed to me. She grabbed me in a hug and cling to me as fresh tears seemed to bubble up. Hot salt bubbling in the rims of my eyes and all I could do was hold onto her like I was insane. I told her about the talk with my mom, about holding her hand and how she apologized to me before she died. When I asked her how she knew she said that the home called her job and told her what was happening. She asked why I didn't call anyone.

I thought about lying. About telling her that I was so wrapped up in the moment that I didn't even think about it. But I couldn't.

"I called Lip," I said.

"So he came and helped out, where is he?" She asked looking at me worried.

"I don't think he got my message, I haven't seen him." Okay so I did lie. I didn't want Fiona to blow it up. I wasn't going to blow it up. I was going to shut it down. I was a nuisance to him, so I wouldn't bother him anymore. After standing there in a hug for a while longer we went in and sat on the couch. She held me close as I leaned my head on her shoulder and we watched some random show.

Inside my heart was broken. He ignored my calls, my messages, for her. He had no way of knowing what was happening true. But he didn't listen to the voice mails, he was with her.

I felt hollow, my veins felt hollow. Like someone drained me dry and left the vascular walls of my veins and arteries to drool and decay with disuse. Over dramatic? Maybe. Accurate? Definitely.

Half an hour later or so I had fallen asleep on her shoulder, but when the front door opened I half woke up. Enough to hear what was happening without looking like I was eavesdropping.

"Hey, where have you been?" Fiona asked in a whisper.

"I was just hanging with some people, what are you doing?" Lip.

"She fell asleep... her mom passed."

"What?" He sounded concerned, unlike he had looked when he had seen my missed calls and voice mails.

"Yeah, she said she called..." Fiona said.

"Shit."

"What?"

"Shit," He said more forcefully. I could hear him shuffling in his pockets trying to find his phone.

"What are you doing?" Fiona asked him. When he had finally found it I had my eyes open. I heard him punching numbers. Suddenly I heard a small feminine voice through the receiver, I couldn't make out what she was saying because he had his ear pressed to it but she sounded sad and scared. In the second message she sounded sad. But in the third she sounded numb.

"Fuck." He said.

"What did you do?" She whispered harshly. I closed my eyes again. I didn't want to deal with this right now, and even though my eyes were closed I could definitely tell I wasn't falling asleep. All too soon I had passed out on Fiona's shoulder. They were going to have a time trying to wake me up this time.

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Hey guys!! I am so sorry that it seems like it's been so long since my last update!

My midterms were this past week and let me tell you I am sick ofit. I hope you guys really enjoy this chapter!! Have a terrific day!!


	14. Ch 14

How to describe her? She is a narcissist, melodramatic, addict with no sense of motherhood. She sees herself as her first and only child. She protects no one but herself. She and pain created beautiful, independent, children who fight for each other. Her faces change with the flick of a switch, a sensitive bud of nerves. She is a death sentence.

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Why am I still here for you?

Even when I know you aren't there too?

—————pb—————

no one's POV*

Lip was breathing harshly and Fiona shuffled as gently as she could under Lydia so she wouldn't wake her up. Little did she know that Lydia had passed out. Her brain trying to cope with the huge influx of emotion.

She rushed over to him and grabbed the phone from his hand and listened to the messages.

"Hey uh... I don't know what your up to but if you could just— If you could just come by the home soon. I think that... I know that my mom is about to die. She says she's only got about half an hour, who knows though she's always been dramatic. She does that when she knows she's getting attention. And she— fuck it I'm rambling. Just come by... when you get this call I don't know how long I'm gonna be here. See you soon... I— bye."

She clicked to the next message.

"Hey... I don't know where you are or what you're doing... I hope you're okay. *sniffing* She's gone. I haven't called the nurses yet... I just wanted to hear your voice."

She was looking at him now, his face growing increasingly red. Fiona started to look heartbroken. She clicked to the last message.

"Uhm... I don't know what's going on, I thought you'd— it's been about two hours since I called the first time. I really hope nothing is wrong. I don't want to text you because I want to tell you I don't want you to read it. I made the arrangements. The burial is in two days. She's gonna be cremated, they fixed it so all I have to do is show up at the gravesite. I'm gonna head back home now, I guess I'll see you there."

Fiona lowered the phone and turned back to Lydia laying on the couch.

"Holy shit. What were you doing?"

"I was just hanging out I didn't think something this serious was happening."

"So you saw that she called?" He was quiet, and she knew. "She's probably pissed at you."

"I— fuck." He said forcefully as he ran a hand through his hair. His face was red and he nearly looked tearful.

"We should move her, she's probably going to get a crick in her neck," Fiona said as she moved to the front of the couch to wake her.

"Lyd... Lyd, come on let go upstairs." She pushed her shoulder a bit. "Lydia? Fuck Lyd, come on! Lydia." She was shaking her shoulder now. Lip rushed to the other side of the couch and started checking vitals. He raised her eyelid and saw it dilate a bit before evening out.

"She passed out." He was still breathing harshly.

"What do you mean? Like she fainted?"

"Yeah, she fainted, I thought you said she was asleep?"

"How can someone faint in their sleep?"

"I don't know, move over. I'll carry her up."

"Be careful."

He lifted her shoulders and slid his arm under her before lifting her legs and carrying her up the stairs. He laid her gently on her bed and closed the door before crawling in next to her.

He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and slowly fell asleep next to her.

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Lydia's POV*

I woke up slowly. I didn't want to open my eyes just yet but I reached out with my ears. It was quiet in the house, so either it was early morning or late night.

As I laid there listening I suddenly realized I could hear deep breathing beside me. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion and slowly opened my lashes.

And there he was. Lip Gallagher, sleeping away face to face with me.

I took this time to stare at him. He looked younger in his sleep. His eyebrows didn't crease and his mouth wasn't as pinched.

And all I could think about was how he looked at my calls and left them unheard. For Karen Jackson.

I shifted onto my stomach shaking the bed a bit. He inhaled deeply and his eyes fluttered. When they opened he blinked a bit before rubbing his face with his hand. His head settled back on the pillow and he glanced over at me.

I was just laying there blank faced and staring.

"Hey... I'm so sorry about your—"

"Stop." I shook my head at him. His face crunched in confusion.

"What—?" He looked at my face fully. Saw how blank it was. "What's wrong?"

"I don't even know where to begin. Maybe with the call I got from the home. My mother apologizing to me with her last breath. Planning her funeral. Maybe it was how worried I was about you for not answering the phone. Or seeing you check the screen and just stick it back in your pocket."

"What do you—?"

"On the train. You remember? You were sitting there talking to Karen Jackson, who forcefully yelled at me, and you, to get the fuck out of her house the last time I saw her. And you pulled the phone out, checked the notifications and shoved it right back in your pocket."

He looked dumbfounded. He was searching my face, for what I don't know.

"Lydia..."

"It's okay, Lip. Really. And I don't feel like talking about it," I shook my head as I said it. "I kinda just want to be alone, if you don't mind."

"Please, Lyd. Let me—"

"Close the door when you leave please." We we're looking in each others eyes. He knew I was serious.

"She was telling me ab—"

"Lip. I am tired."

"Her mom—"

"Philip. It's late. I am physically and emotionally drained. Please... just go." I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. After a long moment I felt the bed shift as he got up. And even though I was so tired of crying I could feel the tears building in my eyes. When he got to the door he paused and looked back at me. I met his eyes and he sighed. The tears were flowing slowly down the corners of my eyes and into my hair.

"No."

I sighed. And my eyes closed.

"You don't know what I was doing with her."

"And I told you I don't want to talk about it right now. Tomorrow, the next day... just not right now. Please."

"I'm not leaving."

"Then lay down and stay quiet."

He walked back and grabbed the blanket off the entire bed before laying down and tossing it out above us. He scooted close to me and I shifted away from him. Suddenly he threw his arm around my waist and pulled me close.

"Lip. What are you doing?"

He stayed quiet.

"What. Are you. Doing?"

"You told me to stay quiet."

I groaned and he pulled me even closer. "Why are you holding me?"

"Trying to comfort you."

"A little late."

"Just shut up."

I grit my teeth. I felt him lay his forehead on my bare back above the line of my tank top. Sooner or later I felt my eyes start to droop, his breath behind me was even and it soothes me to sleep.

—————pb—————

The next morning I woke up long before Lip did. He lay next to me, the grip he had on my waist last night had slackened and his arm was just resting on me. So I got up slowly.

I walked out of the room and down the hall to the shower. It was early so I took a long shower knowing the water heater would fill up again before they all woke up. It was relaxing to let the heat detangle my tensed muscles. Lavender body wash and a little drop of vanilla body oil and I felt much better. A grapefruit shampoo, that looked mysteriously lower than it had a day or so ago, woke me up gently.

It was surreal. Now the only family I had was here. The house that tormented me was gone. It was dreamlike.

Stepping out of the warm cocoon of water and into the steamy bathroom I toweled off and dressed in a loose shirt and leggings. I tossed my hair up in the towel and quietly walked back to the bedroom. Lip was still sleeping.

I grabbed a box off the dresser, a box labeled Office from the Torture House. I sat it on the corner of the bed and just stared at it. Lip was laying on the far side of the bed, the sheet over his waist and halfway up his torso. I could see a fine sprinkle of hair between his pecs. He looked peaceful.

I felt oddly relaxed. It wouldn't matter now if I searched this box and found adoption papers. It was all over. He was gone, she was gone. It wouldn't make a difference.

So I reached up quietly, and with a spare pocket knife from my dresser, I slit the tape. Opened the box. And pulled out the first folder. Finances. I set them on the bed gently. I did that for each folder until I reached the bottom of the box.

The last file. My name. Pounding heart.

I lifted it quietly and flipped it open. I found old school drawings and poems, a school picture or two. And a birth certificate with a blacked out line over the parents names, the child's name.

I found an old social security card, also blacked out. Then I found my birth certificate. Lydia Ann Walsh, parents Margaret Jenette Walsh (née Anderson) and Jackson Andrew Walsh.

Behind that was another document. For adoption. The breath left me.

So it was true.

I put all the files back in the box, leaving mine on top, closed it, and put it back on the dresser. I laid back down on the bed, towel still in my hair.

I just laid there facing Lip, who was facing me, and stared at the sheets. I could hear him starting to wake up, a deep inhale, a slow exhale. His feet shuffling under the blanket. I glanced at him and saw his eyes flutter open.

We held eye contact for a while and when it was clear he wasn't going to say anything I opened my mouth first.

"I'm adopted."

"You found the papers?"

"Yeah..."

He leaned closer to me and pulled me into a hug, just holding me.

"You weren't there."

He reached up and pulled the towel from my hair and brushed it back with his fingers. Leaning forward he kissed the top of my head and took a deep breath of the citrus shampoo.

"I know, and I am so sorry." I could hear how choked he sounded.

"What is so perfect about her?"

"About who?" He asked.

"Karen, why do—"

"She's not perfect." He said almost disgusted. I was quiet.

"She wanted to talk, to tell me what happened to her mom. And I figured fine, she'll talk and I'll get my money for tutoring her. It was more complicated than I thought it would be. It took a lot longer than I though it would..."

I nodded under his chin. He sighed.

"Her mom was attacked about a year and a half before Karen was born. Some guy on the street pulled her into an ally. Attacked her... raped her. She got pregnant and she couldn't get rid of it. But Karens dad didn't want it, couldn't bring himself to keep it and he told her that they were giving the baby up. It was when she started locking herself up in the house..."

"Agoraphobia," I said.

"Yeah... that and she started to freak about germs and bacteria. All sorts of things. But when she had to leave the baby she was... majorly depressed. She said she wanted a baby. Her baby, but Eddie wouldn't let her keep it and she got pregnant again soon after she had it. That was Karen. She named the baby she gave up Carly Annette. And I guess seeing you... you must've made her think about what Carly should've looked like."

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Hey guys!! I hope you enjoy this! It just popped in my head! I guess I'm trying to make up for lost time!

Have a great day!!


	15. Ch 15

I will be taking part of the dialogue from the script of Shameless here, I will be inserting some stuff but it is necessary for the progression of my story! I hope you enjoy!*

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I've never liked surprises. They're jolting and uncomfortable and I never know how to act. Now I'm not talking about surprise gifts, while those do make me suspicious, I mean jump scares or surprise parties. I usually end up crying because it scares me. A cry baby, I know. Life surprises aren't much better.

—————pb—————

What did I do to deserve this?

How could it have been something to miss?"

—————pb—————

When I looked in that box... when I found those adoption papers, I never realized that I would suddenly want to try and find my parents. My real parents.

But how fucked up did they have to be? Why would they give their kid up? Or why would she, my mother, want to give me up? Was she too young? Was she an addict?

How did giving me up for adoption save me? What did it save me from?

Nothing.

—————pb—————

Walking home from work with Lip and Ian was a rare occasion. Our schedules rarely linked up and it was always a nice surprise when we were able to.

It was an even nicer surprise to con a fucking idiot out of a whole truckload of meat.

He even paid us five bucks.

—————pb—————

"You want to do what?" I asked Frank in total disbelief.

"I need your mothers ashes."

"You are fucking insane. Fiona!" I yelled into the living room. Frank had burst in a few minutes ago yelling about two thugs trying to kill him.

"What?" Fiona asked as she walked in.

"He's trying to fake his death."

"What the fuck!?"

—————pb—————

I have never been more satisfied watching someone punch another human than I was when Lip decked Frank. He went out like a light too. Fuck. It was kinda hot as hell.

The "funeral" was a lot more tense though. Frank nearly lost a toe, and we had to stuff a stolen coffin with the leftover stolen meat scraps just to get the asshole thugs off our backs.

Overall it was a really nice service. Everyone was super insincere.

—————pb—————

"So are you still gonna go get a DNA test done?" Ian asked me as we sat on his bed. Lip was on his bed typing up a paper.

"I think so, yeah. I mean they could have been relatives or something. My mom said that my dad saw me and he's the one that picked me. Maybe there was a reason."

"We'll go with you Lyd." Lip said from his spot clacking on keys.

"You gonna get yours done too?" I asked. Ian looked iffy about it.

"I don't know if I'm going to or not. It wouldn't change anything if I wasn't Franks, I still had to deal with him."

"It's just eating at me. If they're alive I wanna know them, or at least know something about them. I'm gonna use my parents DNA and see if I was ever related to either of them at all."

"I'm gonna do it." Lip said.

"Why?"

"Hell, if anything knowing I'm not Franks kid would be fucking nice. He wouldn't be able to meddle in any of my shit."

"If Fiona ever tried to get custody of you it would help a lot too." He nodded.

"I don't know when to go though, it's not super important," I said looking at my hands.

"Yes it is. If it's something you want to do it's important," Lip said.

"We'll go whenever you want." Ian agreed nodding. I smiled at them and Ian knocked my shoulder with his. He had been seeming kinda off lately, more quiet than usual, I'd have to talk to him later.

"So Frank lost the three thousand?"

"Yup, the second that shit touched his tongue, and he's not even angry."

"Why did you tase him again?" Ian asked. "You could've spiked his drink or something."

"He was wrecking the house, Ian. And he could've smelled it. Besides, Debbie and Carl were way too happy that he was around and it would've crushed them when he went back to normal." I said, Lip sat looking at the screen and nodding.

"Apparently he's getting some money from a claim soon though. He came gloating yesterday."

"I thought he would need your moms signature for that type of thing?"

"He always forges that."

—————pb—————

Why is it that every time I have to go help search for a Gallagher I end up in the Jackson front yard?

Monica.

Fucking. Monica. This had Frank written all the fuck over it.

All of us were here. Even V. We didn't even know how to approach the whole fucked up situation. Now that she was here she was going to want to stay.

To be a good mom, because she was better now.

Which is fucking horse shit.

We all got let in by Mrs. Jackson and filed into the room just as she was telling Monica that she owed all her children an apology.

"Oh I'm not one of yours, I'm just here to rubberneck." V said.

"I'm sure as Hell not your kid," I spit at her. She looked at me a little hurt but when she looked at the rest of her kids she started bawling and apologizing. It was disgusting.

She was working on everyone's nerves, I could tell Fiona was upset. It was Monica, Frank, and Mrs. Jackson in the kitchen. V left a few minutes ago. Things had been getting heated and Monica was yelling, along with her whack job GIRLfriend. The only good thing about that bitch is that she pisses Frank off.

"Liam is coming with us."

"What what the fuck?" I said

"No, no fucking way!" Lip.

"Well— Roberta and I want to start a family of our own."

"Well why don't you finish this one first?!" Fiona yelled.

"You're taking Liam?" Debbie asked crying. The whole situation was tense and upsetting. Carl looked like he shut down. Lip was pissed and confused. Ian was angry. Debbie was full of anxiety. Fiona felt rejected. It was clear on all their faces.

"No one is taking Liam." I said.

"And who the fuck are you?" Roberta asked me.

"Don't you worry about who I am, worry about what I can be, bitch." My eyes were ice. "You and fat ass are not going to burst in on my family and try to fuck shit up." I said to Monica.

"You white people scooping up black babies like they're accessories, he needs me."

"He's not even Franks!" Monica said.

"You don't get to abandon your kids and then show up one day to take your pick of the litter!" Fiona yelled.

"No come on, now that's not fair! Your mother has made mistakes but she's here now and that's got to count for something!"

"Shut Up Frank." Fiona and I yelled.

"This isn't about you. This is about you," she said looking at Monica. "It's about what you didn't do. It's about what I did... and you know what? I... did a great fucking job. Debbie is class president, she's on the debate team headed to nationals. And Lip, he's top of his class, he set the curve. Ian was promoted in ROTC and he tested out of English. And Carl made something blow up for his science fair! And you know that they did it all, no thanks to you because you weren't here!"

In her disgusting breathy voice Monica replied, "And I appreciate that Fiona but I'm here now, and Liam needs me. I'm his mother!"

"You were my mother too!" She tried to hold her tears. Her shoulders were caving in on her chest and her face was falling. I rushed to her and wrapped my arms around her waist. She clung to me for a moment.

"Maybe I'll never be able to make things right with you. But I still have time with Liam— and Debbie and Carl.. I am so sorry if I hurt you... I love you so much... please— please let me be your mommy again." Fiona looked over my shoulder and started to let go. I reached for her as she started towards the door.

I looked at Debbie and Carl who were staring at Monica with questioning eyes. They leaned in and hugged her. Ian's eyes went to the ceiling and Fiona grabbed her jacket.

"You know what? You're right, you are their mother... and you're here now... so I'm done. I'm done with the school, and the bills, and the clinics... I'm done. They're all yours now mom... good luck." She tossed her keys on the table behind her before walking out the door.

Monica reached for Debbie and Carl again but they shoved themselves back against the couch. Fiona was probably headed to the house Steve bought next door to the house.

"Look," I said. "You aren't taking Liam. You can stay here and pretend that you have your shit in order. You can pretend that you know what the fuck you're doing, but you don't. You don't know shit about this family." I pulled Debbie and Carl up off the couch and walked them to Lip and Ian. Then I walked to the fat fuck Roberta and grabbed Liam.

"That boy is coming with us."

"Over my cold dead ass."

—————pb—————

"So when is Fiona going to come back?" Debbie asked.

"I don't know Debs. Probably when Monica leaves." I said.

"We aren't leaving until we have Liam." Roberta said from her seat at the kitchen table.

"Bob. Shut your gob."

Monica was frantic at the kitchen counter. Carl and Lip had already asked for money and Bob wouldn't fork anything over for Monica. Like I said, she didn't know shit about running this family.

"Alright kids it's time for school! Go ahead! And we might not be here when you get back we have some errands to run."

"Where are you going? Fiona always tells us where she's going."

"Well Fiona ain't here. And we don't have to tell you shit. Now go to school!"

"Where are our lunches?"

—————pb—————

"You ready to skip some school?" I asked Lip and Ian. We were so gonna fucking follow Bob and Monica. My moms old Chevy S10 with a half extended cab really came in handy. I followed Bobs gaudy truck with Lip in the passengers seat and Ian in the back.

"Shit. Their getting a DNA test."

"They're trying to prove Liam isn't Franks, that way he can't keep him."

We waited for them to come back out, they looked like they were fussing. They were definitely unhappy.

"Looks like someone wasn't too happy about the results of their paternity test." Ian said.

"Hey, lets go..." Lip said looking at me. I froze up for a minute.

"Come on, we'll do it together," he said. He looked me in the eyes and it took me a moment but I nodded. This was going to be interesting.

—————pb—————

"She wants us all to come for dinner." Ian said. We were all sitting in the living room of Steve's house right next door.

"Fuck. Here pass me that, I can't go and see my mother sober." Fiona said as Steve passed her a joint. I smirked at her.

"They can't take Liam, he's Franks."

"What?" She said shocked.

"They went and got a DNA test today. Bob looked pissed as fuck."

"Oh thats good news. Shit. Looks like we have to go to dinner."

—————pb—————

We were all sitting at the table. Everyone was tense and Monica made 'Ian's favorite' lasagna. Bob sat at one head of the table and Monica at the other like the dictators they are.

"Where's Lip?"

"He had to run an errand." I said.

"Well we'll start without him, if he wants food he'll show up on time."

"I'm right here! Let the festivities begin!"

"Boy, do you know what time it is? Your mother said she wanted you all here for dinner at six."

"Don't own a watch Bob."

"We're here to talk to you about—"

"Bob not now..."

"Yes now. Liam is ours and we are taking him."

"We know Liam is Franks. We followed you to the DNA center, you left pissed." I said.

"Actually we have some of our own results here," he passed me an envelope and opened the one in his hand. "Figured you couldn't have all the fun... Holy shit. Congratulations Ian you are not the son of Frank Gallagher."

The table broke out into a miniature pandemonium. Frank and Monica started fighting and the kids were asking question after question. But through all of it I could only stare at the envelope in my hands. When I tore my eyes from it I looked at Lip. He put his hand on my knee and nodded.

Taking a deep breath I opened the envelope and pulled out the paper.

"Holy Shit."

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Hey guys!! I hope this chapter was interesting!

I know I used a lot of dialogue from the show and I feel like it seems I didn't add much but this was an important episode to include for Lydia's story progression.

I hope you like it and continue reading!!

Enjoy!

Drop4Lunar


	16. Ch 16

He's eternally angry. Suppressed and cold, but burning underneath. He covered his true self so well he doesn't know his actions are a second skin covering his heart which beats on his shoulder. He was born into pain and distress and forced to thrive or die, just like the rest of his siblings. I hope he's found the love to change him.

—————pb—————

How did life get so fucked up?

When did my hands become an overfull cup?

—————pb—————

Everyone was still fussing about Ian, no one noticed me shove my paper back in the envelope. I couldn't focus on that right now.

"You did PCP? With out me?! You promised we would do that together!"

"None of that matters Frank. What's done is don't That was over 15 years ago. Bottom line, Liam is yours. And they can't fucking have him," I said.

"Oh we're taking him. If Moni signs that settlement were taking Liam."

"No. You're not." Fiona said.

"Fiona, please. I just want to do what's right! I'm his mother, he needs me!"

"No, we all needed you. We needed you to have your shit together! We needed you to be there for us! You never were! You wanna do the right thing? Then you'll pack up, take your girlfriend, get the hell out of our house. And never come back." She stood from the table and so did the rest of us. We watched her face disappear into despair. And we left.

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We sat in Steve's house for a while, trying our best to figure out what was happening at home.

"They're fighting," Carl.

"Can't we call the cops? It's kidnapping," Debbie.

"The cops won't do anything she's his mother," Fiona.

"I think they're going outside," I said.

We all stood hurriedly and shuffled out the front door, lining up on the sidewalk. Roberta was putting their bags in the car and Monica walked out behind her, holding a bundled up Liam.

She had huge tears in her eyes as she looked at all of us. Lip and Ian were standing on either side of me, I grabbed their hands. Slowly she started walking toward us and I looked to Fiona. She looked hardened. Until Monica got right up to her and slowly handed her Liam. She looked confused, sad, and defeated but glad to have Liam. We all let out a collective breath of shock and relief.

With falling tears how Monica turned to leave, glancing back every now and then.

"Mom!" Fiona said, catching her attention. When she looked back Fiona nodded hard, tearfully and gratefully, at her. Monica burst into tears and Roberta herded her into the truck. As they left you could hear her crying through the window she was pressed against.

I tuned hard to the side and threw my arms around Lip, then Ian holding onto both of them for a good minute. Then we all rushed in out of the cold.

—————pb—————

We all sat on the couch talking, happy to have Liam, for Fiona to be back in the house, for Monica to be finally gone.

"Hey, you never said anything about your results," Ian said.

"Yeah, what'd you find out?" Lip asked. Everyone was lookin at me now, I was suddenly shy. I grabbed the papers out of my back pocket and handed them to Lip. He was silent for a minute.

"Holy shit."

"What?" Debbie asked.

"Her dad was... her dad."

"So you weren't adopted?" Fiona asked looking at me.

"No I was, but... I don't know, let me go get the adoption papers." I stood and hurried up the stairs. My hands were shaking as I grabbed all of the documents. When I got back down stairs I handed it all to Lip.

"I don't really know how to read legal stuff..." I said trailing off before sitting back down next to him. He spent the next minute or two glancing over everything.

"It says your birth mother was anonymous... but your birth father was unknown. It's a closed adoption because the mothers husband... the mothers husband didn't want anything to do with the baby. It was an assault..." he looked at me. Suddenly my throat was ice.

An assault.

Shelia Jackson was assaulted.

Adoption papers.

Sheila Jackson gave up a baby that her husband didn't want.

Jackson Walsh was my biological father.

He was an asshole that would sexually assault his own daughter. Why wouldn't he assault a stranger?

I think I passed out for a few seconds.

"Holy fuck." I could see it in his eyes, Lip was thinking what I was thinking.

"Why what—? What's going on?" Fiona asked.

"There is reason to believe that I may be Sheila Jackson's first born."

"Oh shit." Fiona said.

"Yeah."

"What are you gonna do?" She asked.

"What is there to do? The last time I saw her she had a freak out and went catatonic and Karen flipped on me... And Shit. That means Karen fucking Jackson is my sister."

Ian started laughing, then Lip, and Fiona started to chuckle. I was rightfully stunned.

"It's not funny!!"

"Then why are you smiling?" Lip asked between chuckles.

"I have no idea!" I said as I started laughing too. "I think I need sleep!" It was non stop, even Debbie and Carl joined in.

"Ugh! Okay everybody! Bed, I think we could all use it." Fiona said as she smiled and corralled the kids. I followed everyone up and went through the normal routine, teeth, face, and pajamas.

"You gonna be ok?" Lip asked as he left the bathroom.

"Hug." I said, he let out a laugh and hugged me for a minute. I hurried my face in his neck. "What if she doesn't like me?" I asked.

"Then she's just as crazy as everyone thinks she is."

I nodded at him and let go. He ruffled my hair a bit and smiled.

"Good night," I said.

"Good night," he smiled and nodded once. I sighed and went to my room tucking the folder back in the box before going to sleep.

—————pb—————

Hot breath.

Hard hands.

Barrel chest.

I sat up harshly and yelled "No!" Before slapping a hand over my mouth.

A dream. It was just a dream. I took deep breaths trying to calm myself down. I didn't hear any footsteps or people shuffling around so I must not have woken anyone up.

I tried to lower my heart rate, to afraid to go back to sleep. All I could think was how horrible it must be to be Sheila. My theoretical birth mother. We had the same experience in two different settings, but I had to live with him. If anything I knew how she felt. How she probably still feels.

I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

When my heart slowed down a bit I was too scared to sleep, afraid I would fall back into the same dream, so I stood up. It was only around two in the morning so I went down the hall and into Ian's room quietly.

I looked at the boys all asleep and peaceful. Walking over to Ian I nudged his shoulder and he rolled to face me.

"Lyd? What's the matter?"

"Bad dream," I said. He pulled back his blanket and opened his arms so I could hunker down with him.

"Your dad?"

"Yeah," I whispered. "I can't help it. I know how Sheila feels. The same man. Everything." I was tearing up.

"It'll be okay, you could go talk to her."

"She probably doesn't want to see me." Which wasn't true, I was the one who was scared. It was me who wasn't sure. She had wanted the baby... me.

He was quiet for a while just hugging me.

"How have you been Ian? I feel like we barely see each other, yet we work at the same place."

"It's been kinda complicated."

"How are things with Kash?"

"They're not really... not any more. Lisa found out, and now she's pressuring Kash into having another baby, and I've been sleeping with Mickey, but he won't admit he's gay, and I think Kash is catching on..."

"Holy shit... Wait. Mickey... Mickey Milkovich?"

He nodded with a small smirk.

"Well shit... Is he nice to you Ian? He hasn't tried to bash you in or anything? I mean he's a rough guy..."

"If anyone is doing the bashing it's me."

"Oh gross, Ian!" I said with a chuckle, he smiled and laughed a bit with me before his face softened.

"He's been pretty... Mickey," he said nodding. "He's super repressed and it's... hard. But I really think I like him."

"Well don't let him treat you like shit. Ok? You don't deserve that."

"I won't," he said smiling. Soon enough we drifted off to sleep.

—————pb—————

no one's POV*

The next morning Ian woke up before Lydia and was somewhat confused by the mass of black hair in his face. He shifted up onto his elbow and smiled down at her. Her bun looked like a rats nest.

Getting up he looked over to Carl and Lips bunks, Lip was awake and staring at his ceiling.

"What's wrong with you?" Ian asked.

"Nothing. She have another nightmare?"

"Yeah, And she seemed worried about talking to Sheila."

"She is, it probably gave her flashbacks."

"Probably, yeah... seriously what's wrong?"

"Nothing alright? It's nothing."

"Bullshit." Ian said.

"Believe what you want." Lip said rolling over to face the wall.

Ian shook his head and left to take a shower. Once Lip was sure he was gone he rolled back towards the center of the room and looked at Lydia. Her sleep was peaceful. He looked a little put out. Why hadn't she come to him?

Slowly Lydia started to wake up, but he just continued to stare. He saw her blue eyes open and watched her stretch her arms out and arch her back. The light from the window was shining on her giving her an early morning orange glow. She was beautiful.

When her eyes opened fully she looked around in confusion until her eyes met Lip's.

—————pb—————

Lydias POV*

When I finally realized where I was I looked over towards the bunks. Lip was laying there staring at me.

"Hey, good morning," I said with a sleepy smile.

"Morning," He said. "Nightmare?" He asked.

I frowned a bit, having forgotten that I had a nightmare until now. "Yeah, about my dad... but it wasn't like the other dreams."

"What do you mean?"

"I was in an ally." He nodded slowly, he understood. Sheila.

When I looked at him a little closer it seemed like something was bothering him.

"You alright?" I asked him.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Because you look kinda pissed."

"It's nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"You can tell me, you know... You can tell me anything. After all the shit I've unloaded on you, I'm more than willing to listen. I'm a good list—"

"Why did you go to Ian?" He asked cutting me off.

"What?"

"You had a nightmare. You went to Ian, not me. Why?"

I scrunched my eyebrows, that's what he was mad about?

"You like him or something? You know better than me you're barking up the wrong tree."

"I don't— what? You're mad that I went to Ian?"

"I am not mad."

"Okay we'll pretend that true. I don't know... I didn't want to wake you up. You've already had to deal with a lot of my shit. Why wake you up, and maybe Carl while I'm at it, just to bug you with my shit."

"Because it's not shit!" He was breathing harshly. "And I would've— I don't know talked to you!"

"I didn't want to bother you!"

"Is this because of the phone calls last week?"

"What?! No! Lip it doesn't have to do with anything!"

"I am here for you."

"I know you are! And I'm here for you. What, you want me to come to you every time I get a nightmare?"

"Yes." I paused a bit taken aback by such a quick answer.

"That's... three times a week, maybe five if it's bad. You need your sleep, you don't have to deal with my shit all the time." He was silent for a minute just staring at me like I was crazy.

"You want to deal with my shit?"

"Yes." He said. Again I was taken aback. I stood up and walked over to his bed and climbed up.

"I am adopted, my theoretical birth mother was raped by my father, who also was my 'adopted' dad, who also raped me until I was thirteen. My birth mother is an agoraphobic germaphobe because of my conception and she's manic depressive because her husband made her give me away. My sister is a bitchy slut who slept with my boyfriend and tries to sleep with my friends. I'm just generally fucked up..."

I was quiet for a minute.

"I dreamt I was her. That I was on the way back home from work to see my husband, cook dinner. And suddenly I was dragged into an ally and he was everywhere... what if she hates me? The way she is now is my fault..." I started to cry quietly. Lip pulled me in close and cradled my head under his chin.

"This is not your fault. It's your fathers fault, and it's Eddies fault. They crushed her. You would have been a bright light in their lives. You are in ours."

My tears slowed down and I took a deep breath. His scent filled my nose, soap, axe body spray, and a suspicious hint of citrus. Wait... citrus??

"Are you the one stealing my shampoo?" I asked pulling my head back to look up at him.

"What shampoo?" He asked trying to pull my head back down so I couldn't see his face.

"You sneak! You owe me shampoo!" I said laughing.

"It smells good! I couldn't help it," he said chuckling. I smiled and snuggled back into him.

Above our heads the door opened and in walked Ian with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Is this what you were pissed about earlier... seriously?" He asked nodding towards me and smirking.

"Shut up." Lip said.

I looked at Ian and he gave me a knowing look, my face burned a bit and I rolled my eyes.

Lip only wanted to make sure I was okay.

—————pb—————

Hey guys!! I hope you enjoy this chapter! I really hope that it was a surprise but I feel like it was a little too set up.

Let me know what you guys think!! I really appreciate all the views and likes I'm getting on my chapters, and I really appreciate the comments!!

Thank you and have a great day!!


	17. Ch 17

It's odd when things get out of hand, most of the time I can at least stand up for someone else. Especially if that person isn't me. This was downright scary. I knew people did crazy things when they were jealous but I never witnessed it first hand until now.

—————pb—————

What does it take?

How long until someone breaks?

—————pb—————

I left work when Linda let me out, ten minutes early at that. She's been a lot more attentive of the store lately, watching it like a hawk.

I decided to head to the high school so I could walk to work with Ian before heading home. As I walked up the front steps he was coming out with Mandy Milkovich.

"Hey Mandy, hows it goin?"

"Same shit different day. You walking Ian to work?"

"Planned on it," I said. She nodded and gave him a hug.

"Maybe you could talk some sense into him." She said with a crooked smile, I smiled back and nodded bye before she walked off. Not far behind Ian I saw Lip walking out of the school with Karen.

"Jeeze. You think he would bark up a different tree," I said looking over Ian's shoulder. He looked back and started smirking.

"Just because you're jealous."

"Of what? Him boning the school slut? As if." If he wanted a disease it was up to him, sister or not I didn't have to like her.

"You heard what happened right?"

"No, what?"

"Her dad promised her the car if she went to a purity ball to reinstate her virginity."

"Seriously?" I said raising my eyebrows unimpressed.

"Yeah, he called her a whore in the middle of her speech about all the sex she's had. She flipped out, wrecked all his stuff... Sheila was so mad at him she kicked him out of the house, she even followed him outside."

"Holy shit." My eyes were wide and I looked at Karen. She did seem a little scattered today, like she would bolt at any minute. It was weird, I almost felt bad for her.

"Yeah, she thought he was all accepting and into it and he just freaked out on her."

"Well fuck. It's unnatural for me to feel bad for her Jesus Christ... you ready?"

"Yeah I'm ready, let's go."

—————pb—————

"You gonna hang around for a minute?" Ian asked as we walked through the door. I could see Kash over at the refrigerator sneaking glances as he "stocked" the middle shelf.

"Yeah I'm gonna hang." Suddenly the door burst open and the bell jangled loudly. Mickey came through and stepped up to the counter.

"Hey Milkovich, hows it goin?" He was shuffling on his feet and gave his nose a good rub.

"It's all good on this end Walsh. How is it over at the crazy house?" He said nodding over at Ian. Ian had a weird cock to his eyebrow and a smirk.

"Not that bad, I got my own room."

""Well if you ever need company," he said with a jerk of his eyebrows. Ian's jaw twitched.

"Jig is up lover boy, keep it in your pants." I raised my eyebrow at him and jerked my eyes towards Ian. Mickeys eyes hardened a bit.

"Ain't nothing in my pants but me." I nodded at him. He walked towards the isles then.

"Come on Mick don't do it," I said. He snatched a candy bar off the shelf. I walked to the other side of him and tried to grab it from him but he swung his arm so suddenly I was behind him.

"Put that back." I heard Kash assert from the end of the counter, he had made it behind the counter by now. He was reaching for something.

"Kash stop," Ian said.

"You're not stealing anything else, Milkovich," he said pulling a gun up.

"Holy shit, Kash, what the fuck?!" I yelled. Mickey ripped open the Snickers. And Kash raised the gun.

"He's not going to do anything." Mickey said as he pushed the candy bar into his mouth. Kash cocked the gun.

"Shit, man, it's just a fucking snickers!" The gun went off.

"SHIT. Fuck man!" We both fell to the ground Mickey clutching his thigh and me trying to clutch my calf.

"You son of a bitch!" I yelled Ian ran over and started frantically trying to figure out what to do. Kash looked stunned glancing between the gun and us laying on the floor.

"Get moving asshole!! Call a fucking ambulance!" He dropped the gun.

—————pb—————

The hospital was interesting. They put me and Mickey in a room together, same case and everything.

"Well Mick. You gonna tell them?" I asked when we were alone.

"There's nothing to tell."

"Cut the shit," he looked at me sharply. "Look. I don't give a fuck if you're gay, straight, Hell fuck sheep for all I care. But don't go to jail over getting shot."

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

"He's in jail, Mickey."

"Not for long. Overcrowding."

I was silent for a minute.

"You gonna press charges?"

"Nah, but I'm sure as Hell gonna threaten to."

"Good on ya."

Suddenly all the Gallagher's were crammed into the room surrounding my bed.

"Why are you always scaring the shit out of us, huh?!" Fiona said. Ian had filled them all in.

"Shit," Lip said. "God I'm gonna fucking kill Kash. Or you Milkovich!"

"Hey don't fucking blame me! I never thought the pussy would fucking fire. And he didn't give a shit she was behind me either!"

"Did they have to hack off your leg?" Carl asked.

"No, Carl, they probably stitched it up." Debbie said.

"Okay let's quit talking about it. I'm getting nauseous," Ian said. He kept looking at Mickey out the corner of his eye.

—————pb—————

When I was finally back home and settled in my room all I had time to do was think. I needed to go see Sheila. But fuck if all that shit with Karen's dad wasn't going to fuck it all up.

"Hey gimp, what's up?" Lip said from the door. He came into the doorframe and leaned against it.

"Just thinking about how I should approach your girlfriends mom... My mom."

"Hey she's not my girlfriend."

"You bone enough," I said.

"Hey, I'm a slut so sue me. She's not girlfriend material."

"Oh like you know what girlfriend material is," I said laughing. He just smirked at me and stared for a minute.

"You gonna press charges?"

"I was thinking about it."

"Gotta add something to that stock pile you got in the bank somehow."

"Yeah I got plans for some of that money," I said.

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"I was thinking about getting a car."

"You won't be able to drive with that leg for a while."

"It was just a thought."

"When do you get the stitches out?"

"Not sure, three weeks, a month maybe. Bullet went through Mickey and landed in me they had to dig it out. Could take a while to heal."

"God Kash is a dumb asshole."

"You're telling me."

"Well if you need any help getting up and over to Sheila's let me know."

"I'll give you a shout sooner or later."

He nodded smiling at me. I smiled back and he headed in the direction of his room. Ian poked his head in a minute later.

"I couldn't get a minute with you earlier, I am so sorry."

"Ian it is so not your fault."

"If I hadn't started sleeping with Mikey, Kash never would have been that upset. I didn't know he would actually use the fucking gun."

"Hey. I'm just glad you left the married boy toy fucker alright? Who knows Mikey may even be good for you."

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Well it's less fucked up than a repressed married man with two kids and a crazy ass wife who is trying her hardest to get pregnant."

"She is pregnant."

"I knew she was acting weird! She let me off work like five or ten minutes early. How fucking crazy is that?!"

"Hormones my friend, fucked up shit."

"I'm gonna go talk to Sheila soon. Lip said he'd take me."

"If you asked Lip to do anything he would."

"No he wouldn't," I said rolling my eyes. He raised his eyebrows.

"He's totally into you."

"No, he's totally in Karen."

"You know Lip is a slut. But, he can do the whole one person relationship thing."

"Even if I wanted to be in a relationship with him, Ian, he is up Karen Jackson's ass. I know he is a monogamous person. He falls for someone he falls hard. He's like me."

"I still don't see the problem."

"The problem is, he doesn't want me he wants her."

"Bullshit."

"Believe what you want."

"You two even talk alike," he said shaking his head.

"If I could reach you I would slap you."

"Aww, poor little gimpy can't catch the big mean redhead?" He asked.

"Oh shut up," I said laughing. "So what's gonna happen with Mickey?"

"Well he's going to juvie, again. He doesn't want to admit he's gay and he'd rather go to jail. I think the lady's in the neighborhood are planning a parade in Kash's honor. And they obviously send their condolences to you and your leg."

"Great, I'm their sacrifice for the greater good."

He laughed.

"Okay, I'm gonna go. If you need anything—"

"Give a shout, I got it," I said laughing. "Jeeze, all you Gallagher's are alike!"

He shook his head with a smile and headed off in the same direction Lip had gone.

Now all I could think about was Lip, dammit. Thanks a fucking bunch, Ian.

—————pb—————

I knew this was a dream. A weird one at that. Lip and I were laying under the L on a blanket our hands clasped tight. My head leaned on his shoulder. We just talked for what felt like hours.

Of course something had to ruin it.

Loud footsteps were crunching on the gravel coming closer.

"Hey!" A loud deep voice bellowed. "What the fuck do you think you're doing with my daughter?!" We snatched our heads up and sat up as quickly as possible.

My father, who was closer now, had a gun in his hand trained on the two of us.

"Dad! Stop! Nothing we were just laying out here!"

"You think you can take what's mine?! And you! You think you can just give yourself to anyone?! You are mine!"

He swung the gun between the two of us.

"Mr. Walsh, it's nothing like that we were just—"

A loud bang wrangled in my ears and I screamed. Shuffling as far back from my father as I could. All I could see was Lip laying there lifeless.

My eyes flew open. And I landed flat on my ass. I was already crying but now my leg hurt like a mother fucker.

"Ow! Fucking Shit!"

I heard footsteps. Great.

"Lydia! What the fuck?!" Fiona asked, lip and Ian standing behind her.

My breathing was harsh and all I could get out was, "nightmare— Lip — I got Lip— I'm sorry— my leg!" I sucked in a breath through my teeth.

"Lip!" Fiona ordered. He and Ian shuffled into my room quickly and gingerly grabbed me off the floor to lay me back down. Pain in my leg or not I was clinging to him.

I had gotten him shot. In my dream of course, but I had to make sure he was ok. Once they had me situated in bed lip started to lift up away from me.

"No!" I said and grabbed his face. I pulled his forehead to mine and closed my eyes taking a deep breath.

"What happened?" He asked. My cheeks were hot and when I opened my eyes I could see how worried he was I let him back a bit and saw Fiona rifling through my pill bottles the doctor gave us. Ian was walking back in with a cup of water. My breathing slowed a bit.

"My dad— we were laying under the L talking, he came up and started yelling. He— he shot you."

"Fuck, Lyd." He grabbed the dimerol and phinagrine from Fiona and the water from Ian before handing both to me and helping me sit up a little further.

"Let me see your leg." Fiona said.

"I'm sure it's fine," I said but I let her pull the blankets away anyway.

"Shit. It's bleeding, Ian go get some of that gauze from the bathroom. I gotta change this dressing."

"I'll do it," I said.

"No. You won't, I will, you'd probably strain something trying to reach down here while it's so inflamed."

"I'll be fine."

"No. Lip sit up there with her and let her break your hand. The tape on this shit is like glue." Automatically Lips hand was in mine and he was sitting with me. She started peeling and I started gritting my teeth and squeezing the life out of Lips hand.

"Holy fuck, Lyd, you're strong as hell," Lip said grunting.

"Sorry! I'm sorry," I said loosening my grip until suddenly Fi gave a good pull.

"Shit!"

"It's off now." Fiona said.

"Holy shit that looks gross. Are you okay?" Lip asked.

"I don't wanna see it," I said. I could feel it well enough. Not long later Ian came back in with a damp towel and the gauze. He gently started to pay away the blood and clean it up a bit.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"I'm gonna start pinching you. Every time you say I'm sorry unnecessarily." Fiona said grabbing one of the toes on my good foot.

"I—" she gave me a sharp look. I shut my mouth.

"Thank you." Once Ian was finished cleaning it he gave the gauze to Fiona who carefully placed it and taped it back.

"One hell of a dream huh?" Lip asked, I nodded.

"I'll buy you another towel, that one is ruined."

"No you won't. We have enough practice getting blood out of stuff, you're fine."

I was still gonna buy another one. And I had another plan for some of the money I had saved.

"Thank you, all of you, I don't know what I'd do if I had been by myself." Lip helped me scoot over and he laid down next to me, hopefully to ward off any more dreams. Fiona and Ian both walked up and leaned over him to hug me. Fiona kissed my forehead.

"You're family." She said, as if it was simple.

—————pb—————

Hey guys! I know I'm going out of order here but it's fun!

I know Lydia has a lot of nightmares but she's only fallen out of bed twice and I think her nightmares are justified.

I hope you enjoy!!

Thanks!


	18. Ch 18

Anger bubbles deep within her. She is a heating pot, cool to the touch and red hot underneath. She is heating slow and low, waiting to boil and roll. Scalding everyone she touches. But it's not her fault. Circumstance infected her like an inflamed cut. She is lashing out, trying to release the heat. It won't be long until she boils over.

—————pb—————

Why does it all blow up in my face?

When did this become your everyday foot race?

—————pb—————

I woke up the next morning with a throbbing in my leg. Beautiful. With my eyes still closed I reached out to the other half of the bed to grab my dimerol and phineagrin only to meet a bare chest.

"Your hands are freezing." I heard him mumble, sleep evident in his voice.

"Sorry," I said. My eyes were still closed, if not a little scrunched due to discomfort. "Would you be the best person ever—"

"Already am," he said, a smirk in his voice.

"And grab my painkillers." He muttered a soft "shit," and leaned over to grab them. I heard the rattling and lids twisting and the slosh of a water bottle before I felt the pills land in my open palm. I tossed them in my mouth before accepting the water and slinging it all back.

"Eugh," I gagged. "I hate taking pills," I said finally cracking my eyes open a bit.

He was looking down at me with a smirk and a small shake of his head.

"How's it feel?" He asked.

"Like an ear infection that traveled to my leg."

"What?" He said squinting.

"You know, the whole area feels warm and sore and like it can't be touched. An ear infection, but in my leg."

"You are so weird." He laughed.

"Lay back down, its still early." He complied quickly and I lifted my head for him to put his arm under it. I snuggled into his side as well as I could.

"How would Karen feel about you being all cuddled up with some other girl?" I felt his head tilt back.

"You're not some other girl, your Lydia." He said as if it was obvious.

"So she would be fine?"

"She's not my girlfriend, Lyd."

"I just feel like everyone else has someone, you know? You, Ian, Fiona... none of you are alone."

"You aren't alone."

"You know what I mean," I said. He was quiet for a minute.

"Everyone I pick is bad for me."

"You do have shitty taste in guys," he said a little darkly. "I don't understand why you put up with half the shit you do from guys, Lydia. You're beautiful, smart, caring... and you just put up with assholes."

I was quiet now, looking down towards my feet. "Well, who wants damaged goods, you know?"

"Jesus, Lydia!" He rolled so he was facing me and grabbed my face in his hands. "You aren't damaged. And you aren't 'goods,' you're not someone's property. You are your own woman. You don't give a shit about what anyone thinks until they are trying to get in your pants. It's like you go dumb. They don't own you. No one owns you." My mind flashed back to my dream from the night before, my father screaming that I was his. I felt my intestines squirming. Tears bloomed in my eyes.

"You need to put yourself first. You're trying to, sell yourself off to these guys who are gonna treat you like shit. And if they treat you like shit they're gonna die, because me and Ian are gonna fuck them up."

It was heartbreaking to hear him say. He was willing to fight someone to treat me right, but he wasn't willing to be the one with me. All I could do at this moment was stare into his eyes and let the tears roll.

"Lydia—," he pulled my head to his chest and caressed my hair over and over again. Slowly I calmed down until the slow rhythm of his hand on my head put me to sleep.

—————pb—————

no one's POV*

Lip and Lyd laid there for a while, him playing with her hair as she took deep breaths of peaceful sleep. The sun was slowly starting to peek out in the early morning and Lip could hear people starting to wake.

Ian walked by the door and slowly opened it to find Lip staring at the ceiling.

"Hey, hows she doing?" Ian asked.

Lip sighed.

"She woke up with some pain, we talked for a while and she fell back asleep."

"You look upset."

"I am upset. She just doesn't fucking get it," he said. "She's such a great person but she lets fuckheads treat her like shit. I told her she needs to put herself first, that no one owns her. I mean, she's beautiful, and smart..."

"You told her that?"

"Yeah, I told her that."

"Lip... she's super into you."

"No she isn't."

"Fine. Don't believe me. But she gets pissed every time she sees you with Karen."

"That doesn't mean anything, she hates Karen."

"And why do you think that is?" Lip was quiet for a minute. Ian cocked his eyebrows at him and headed towards the bathroom.

Lip continued to lay there staring at the ceiling for a few more minutes before he looked down at Lydia, a small bit of confusion evident in his eyes. Suddenly he realized— He had to talk to Karen.

—————pb—————

When I woke up it was to shuffling on the side of the bed, Lip was standing there pulling a shirt over his head with one hand and yanking on a sock with the other.

"Got somewhere you need to be?" I asked groggy.

"Shit, uh... yeah. I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you up. I gotta run for a while. You need anything before I head out?"

"No I'm good, Fiona said she was gonna be here today if anything I'll just scream. She'll come running."

"You're actually trying to give her that heart attack aren't you?" He asked with a laugh.

"Figured it would keep her on her toes," I laughed. He shook his head smiling.

"Alright, I gotta go, you be careful on that thing ok?" He asked nodding to my leg.

"You got it boss," I said saluting him.

—————pb—————

no one's POV*

Lip left the room pretty quick and headed down the stairs, Debbie was there making something in the kitchen.

"Woah, where are you going so fast?" She asked him.

"Got an errand to run," he said back grabbing his jacket and scarf off their hooks.

"At Karen's?" She asked raising her eyebrow at him.

"Uh, yeah at Karen's," he said a little wary.

"Does Lydia know?"

"No—, why would she care?" He said sounding like he was definitely positive she would care.

"Why would she—, are you dumb? You two are meant for each other and your going around screwing Karen Jackson!" She sounded very put out by his feigned ignorance.

"Hey! It's not what you think I'm only gonna be gone a half hour, forty five minutes tops, I just gotta talk to her."

"Sure, whatever." She totally didn't believe him.

"I mean it, and could you... could you not mention this to Lydia. There's no point making her mad over nothing." He said, a look of pleading passing over his face as the two stared at each other. She looked back skeptically.

"Ugh. Fine. But if you aren't back in forty five minutes, or if I find out that you lied to me, I'm telling!" She said harshly before turning back to her task. Lip huffed out a laugh.

"Thanks Debs, I'll see you in a while."

Lip sighed as he started over to the Jackson house. He didn't really know what he expected to find when he got there either, Karen had seemed pretty scattered the other day when he asked her if she wanted to go with him and Ian to see their grandmother. She had also kept scratching at her forearm under her sweater, so he didn't know what that was about.

When he finally got there Mrs. Jackson let him in. The more he stared at her the more he could pick out pieces of Lydia and it was starting to freak him out so he excused himself to find Karen. All he had to do was follow the heavy metal.

He didn't know what he expected but it was definitely not the sight he had before him.

Karen was decked out in all black with a nose ring attached to her ear, short choppy black hair, and a tattoo of the word WHORE scrawled across her forearm. That explained the scratching the other day.

"Holy fuck," he whispered. "Hey, Karen!" He yelled. She was facing the wall spray painting something. It looked like the word 'ASSHOLE.'

"Karen!" He yelled again, the music was too loud so he walked over to the dock and shit off the iPod.

"Shit! You scared me Lip!"

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm just decorating my room, what does it look like?"

"It looks like you've gone crazy. I mean I know you're mad at your dad, but this is just—," he glanced around at the rooms' complete disarray.

"Oh I'm not mad at my dad." She said with a falsely innocent tone.

"We'll pretend that's true... Look, uhh... I don't think that we should see each other anymore." He said with his arm raised and his hand rubbing the back of his head. She paused in her spraying.

"Excuse me?"

"We can't keep this up—"

"Keep what up?" She said glancing over her shoulder at him out of the corner of her eye.

"The sex Karen. Look, you're fun and cool—"

"Then what's the problem?" She asked standing up off the bed. She stared at him with her head cocked and her eyes hard.

"I like someone. Alright?"

"So?" She asked indifferent. His face scrunched in confusion.

"So I can't be with you. I mean, come on, Karen it was fun but we were just fucking around."

"What does it matter? If it's fun, we could still have fun. It's not like there are feelings." She had ice in her tone.

"Jesus Karen. I'm not gonna be with someone, or fucking try to be, if I'm fucking someone on the side." He said his hands were in his jacket pockets and he was hugging it around his torso. He looked disgusted.

"Who is it?" She had her arms crossed.

"What does it matter?" He asked shaking his head. He knew telling her would only make her mad.

"Who is it, Lip?" He asked forcefully. He shook his head. "Is it her?" Her jaw jumped with a twitch.

He was quiet. His eyes searched the floor for a second before he looked back to her.

"Yes."

"Lydia Walsh. Are you fucking kidding me?" He shook his head. "Wow. You want to fuck that frigid bitch?" she asked with a laugh.

He brought his arm up pointing at her and angrily said, "You don't know shit about her."

"I know she's shit in bed. At least that's what Billy Marshall—"

"You Shut The Fuck Up," he yelled. "I don't give a fuck about your issues. I don't give a fuck that your pissed because your dad called you a whore. You are a whore. You get around and you fucking know it! You aren't going to shit on a girl that has issues of her own just because your reputation precedes you and you aren't getting your own fucking way. She actually thinks about people other than herself. Maybe you should fucking try that." He stared at her for a minute she was red faced and had tears in her eyes but he couldn't bring himself to care. When she was silent he shook his head and started up the stairs.

"Don't you come crawling to me when she doesn't put out, asshole!" She yelled up the stairs as he exited the basement.

"I'm sure you'll replace me as soon as I'm gone anyway." He yelled back before walking out and slamming the front door. When he reached the sidewalk he saw a stumbling Frank holding his hand close to his body and wrapped in gauze.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"Accident at work." Frank said stumbling again.

"You got a job?"

"Not anymore."

"Of course not." He shook his head. "Good fucking luck Frank." He saluted him and hiked his jacket closer to his face before starting the journey home.

—————pb—————

When he walked through the front door he saw Debbie sitting on the couch. She raised an eyebrow at him and checked her watch.

"Thirty seven minutes. Good timing," She said.

"I told you I wouldn't be gone long."

"What did you talk about?"

"I told her we were done with whatever it was we were doing."

"So screwing."

"Jeeze, Debs." He said with a crunched look of embarrassment. Then after a healthy pause he said, "Yes."

"Huh... Good." She said with her chin raised a bit. Ian came plodding down the stairs.

"Ian! Lip went to Sheila's house and told Karen they couldn't screw anymore!" Ian's eyebrows raised and Lip threw a hand over his face rubbing his forehead and threading his fingers through his hair. When he looked at Ian all he could see was the redheads smirk.

"Shut up lover boy." He said before heading up the stairs.

—————pb—————

its me!*

Hey guys!! I hope you're enjoying this story! I changed it up a bit in this chapter a bit and wrote a lot of no point of view so we could see what Lip was up to!

Let me know what you think!!

Thank you!


	19. Ch 19

He had a mouth so cool, butter wouldn't melt. A stew of lies so thick it was harder to swallow than to stir. He was Gemini. Two names, two professions, two lives, all were two sides of the same coin. He wrapped himself so closely in lies it was hard to detangle his web, even he believed himself half the time.

—————pb—————

How do you face the obstacles of life?

Even when you know they'll only cause strife?

—————pb—————

While Lip was gone Debbie sat with me for a while she had seemed anxious the past few days and I'd missed her.

"What have you been up to Debs? I feel like I haven't talked to you in days."

"Nothing much..."

"You alright?" She seemed shifty, like she didn't want to meet my eyes.

"Yeah I'm fine..."

"You don't sound fine." She kept anxiously checking the watch on her wrist.

"Lip is supposed to be back soon."

"I'm sure he will be, don't worry," I said. I knew where he probably was, Karen had been out of school for a couple of days.

"He better be. I'm getting tired of people wanting me to keep secrets!"

"Secrets? What are you talking about?"

"Lip! Jimmy! Everyone wants me to keep my mouth shut but— oops." Her eyes were wide and she flushed a bit.

"Who's Jimmy? And what secret is Lip trying to keep? He's probably over at Karen's, right?"

"You knew?! Why did he say not to tell you if you knew? I'm a kid! I can only keep so many secrets!"

"Debbie calm down! It's okay, I don't know why he didn't want you to tell me, he's weird. Who— who is Jimmy?"

She got a deer in the headlights look.

"Debbie? Just tell me it'll be okay..." she seemed to be having a deep internal battle for all of ten seconds before she just couldn't take it anymore.

"Steve." She blurted.

"What?" I asked, now she was talking about too many people for me to follow.

"Jimmy is Steve," she said insistently.

"What, that's his middle name?"

"No! That's his name! I saw some lady calling his phone and he would always leave when she called and so I found her name and phone number and traced it to this house on the north side and I took the bus over there and I walked up and asked why is she sleeping with my sisters boyfriend and I barged into her house and we were talking and she started talking about her youngest kid Jimmy who was in medical school and then all of a sudden Steve walks around the corner and she's calling him Jimmy who she was talking about and he looks at me and his eyes went all big and he got super quiet and—" she took a deep gulp of breath to continue but I cut her off.

"Woah Debs! Take a breath, does Fiona know all this?"

"No, he told me not to tell her because he was going to! And he hasn't yet! And he said he was going to today and he keeps trying to bribe me!"

"How long have you known all this Debs?"

"A couple weeks..." she said sheepish.

I couldn't think. For a few seconds my mind was blank and I completely forgot about how much I hated Karen and where the fuck was Lip.

"Holy shit."

"I know! What should I do?" She asked me pleadingly.

"Would you go get Fiona for me?"

"No! He'll think I told her!"

"So what, Debs? He's a creep! Fiona!" I yelled. Debbie looked anxious and excited all at the same time. After a minute or two a huffy and disheveled Fiona popped her head in.

"Hey, you alright?" She asked looking at my leg concerned.

"Brace yourself," I said. She suddenly looked a bit scared but walked into the room and sat next to Debs by my good foot.

I took a deep breath.

"Steve's real name is Jimmy. He's a northsider from a lot of money and he's supposed to be in medical school. That lady he's been getting calls from, that you thought he was cheating on you with? It's his mom." Her eyes widened.

"Holy shit."

—————pb—————

Debbie had left the room a few minutes after we told Fiona saying she was gonna wait on Lip in the living room. I had scooted over to one side of the bed and Fiona had hopped in where Lip usually lay.

She curled into my side and I had my arm around her shoulders, her head resting half on my chest. I had my head leaned on top of hers and every so often I heard her sniffle. I thought I felt a few drops hit my skin but I didn't mention it, there was no shame in it.

"I'm so stupid." She said.

"No. You're not. Everyone believed him."

"He bought the house next door."

"I know—, Even now it still smells like old man Harris" Fiona snorted.

"Yes!— It's horrible!" She paused for a minute.

"He bought us a new dryer. And he got me a fucking phone."

"Well... it's a small bright side... he isn't getting it all back... Look at me, Fi." She slowly lifted her red rimmed eyes.

"He's a dick. He's hiding his life from you, he steals and sells cars for money, he's a rich boy who doesn't understand you. He may want to... so badly... and you deserve everything he could give you, but he isn't the one. I know it feels like he is, but... you don't deserve a surface level person. You deserve support, and honesty, and equality... understanding. We don't know him like we thought we did." She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face back in my shoulder. All I could do now was wrap my arms around her tighter. She finally let go and let her tears fall.

After a few more minutes her tears slowed down and her hiccups subsided until she was breathing evenly. Stress naps were deserved here.

I let my eyes close too and just listened to the house around me, there were a few voices coming from downstairs. After a minute or two I heard footsteps on the stairs headed toward my room.

I opened my eyes and watched the door until I saw it open, Lip peeked in and had something to say on the tip of his tongue. I raised my eyebrows and made shushing motions before motioning to Fiona. He scrunched his eyes at me in question.

Whispering I said, "Steve is a dick. Go ask Debs to fill you in and come back."

He looked perplexed but nodded and followed direction. Deciding to cuddle in further I closed my eyes again and waited.

—————pb—————

After another half hour Lip had checked back in on us looking murderous, but he left not long after to let Fiona rest.

She started to wake up and shifted gently in her sleep.

"How long was I out?" She asked when she opened her eyes.

"About thirty five, forty, minutes. Not long... he's going to be here soon you know..." she stared at the wall for a minute.

"Yeah I know," she said her eyes hardening. It was always interesting to see her put on her shield, the velvet softness left her eyes and was replaced with a sleek steel that glimmered. She was readying herself.

Slowly standing so she wouldn't jostle my leg she grabbed my medicine for me and my water and checked over the dressing while I took it.

"How's it look Dr. Gallagher?"

"It'll be alright for another hour or two, then we're going to have to dress it again, did you want to shower or take a bath or anything? I could—,"

"I might, but I think I'm going to bathe solo," I said she smirked at me before her steel eyes slipped a bit and softened.

"Thank you Lydia, for telling me."

"I'm not gonna let someone try to pull shit over on you. No one does that to my family." She ruffled my hair a bit before pulling her hand back almost hesitant.

"You totally need a bath," she said smiling.

—————pb—————

"Hey Lip!" I yelled from my bed, this room was really starting to get boring.

"Yeah?" He yelled back from down the hall.

"Could you come grab my crutches? I gotta hobble to the bathroom!" I heard footsteps as soon as I said 'you.'

"You need help getting up? That medicine makes you a little loopy." He said as he walked in the room grabbing the crutches from beside the door.

"No I'm alright, thank you though," I said starting to sit up. Suddenly the world tilted a little too quickly and I grabbed onto his arm a little harder than I meant to. He raised an eyebrow.

"Okay yes, please. I need to take a bath I stink."

"How are you supposed to wash your hair? You'll drown." He had a point.

Thats how we found ourselves at the kitchen sink. He had me sitting on one of the taller chairs with my head leaned back over the sink and a towel under my neck. He had the water running and I reached up to start wetting my hair.

"Hey, back off," he said. "I'm gonna wash it."

"What?" I said leaning my head forward a bit. "I can wash my own hair Lip, it'll be fine."

"Relax. I'm doing it and your shutting up," he said turning adjusting the water a little more so it wasn't as cold. I scrunched my eyebrows at him.

"Oh get over it, relax." Slowly I leaned my head back, still scrunched in the face. He started to gently soak my hair until he was sure not a section was left even remotely dry. Then reached for the citrus shampoo he grabbed from the shower, that he had been stealing, and dropped a glob into his hands.

"I could totally do this myself." I huffed.

"No one is questioning your womanly independence Alison Hargreaves, take a chill pill. I just want to do something nice for you," he said as he slowly started to work the shampoo into my scalp. He was way too good with his fingers.

"Ok, so I could do this, but I'm entirely too glad that you're doing it for me. That feels amazing." I said with small moans of appreciation. My eyes dropped closed and I slowly released all the muscles in my neck until it wasn't tense, his hands holding my head up.

"I'm glad you think so," he said. A small smile in his voice.

"Mmmm," I hummed. I could feel his eyes on my face but I was entirely too focused on his fingers running through my hair. His finger tips gently massaging near my nape. His nails lightly scraping my scalp... his fingers tugging the strands. It was an intimate thing to share with someone.

All too soon he turned the water back on and pulled the spray hose out to grievously rinse the suds from my now clean hair. It was wonderfully warm and he continued to run his fingers through the strands until he was sure all the soap was gone, then he rinsed the ends that had no doubt been laying in the tub if the sink.

"Looking a little sleepy there," he said. I cracked my eye at him and he smirked.

"Just relaxed," I said smiling. He turned off the water and twirled my hair trying to wring as much out as he could. He grabbed the towel from the counter next to us. I stole it out of his hand and smiled. I grabbed the hair out of his hand and tossed it forward, and wrapped the towel around the back of my head and around my hair before sitting back up.

He offered me his hand and I slowly stood a little wobbly on my throbbing leg. Inevitably I stumbled into his chest.

"Woah, careful. I just might have to carry you up the stairs at this rate." He said smirking down at me.

"At this rate I'd let you," I said smiling. His face sobered up a little, and he took a deep breath as if to steady himself.

"What?" I asked.

"I called it quits with Karen." He said looking into my eyes. My eyebrows met my hairline.

"Wha— why would you— I thought..."

"I told her I couldn't be with someone, or try to be, and still screw around with someone on the side."

So that was it, he found someone he liked. I sighed. Hopefully whoever she was would at least be better than—

"Why the long face? I thought you'd be happy?"

"Oh I— I am! I'm glad you found someone..." I trailed off. It stung and momentarily I thought I'd rather get shot in the leg again, but thought better of it.

"Someone? No, I found a great one." He was still holding me steady against his chest, afraid I would fall no doubt.

"I'm glad," I said. "Would you mind helping me back up the stairs?" I said looking anywhere but his face.

"Hey," he said, grabbing my chin. He pulled my face back toward his, "are you crying?" He looked concerned.

"No," I whispered, looking into his eyes and shaking my head a little. Suddenly he seemed to understand something, and he smiled softly at me. One of his hands, that had been on my waist wrapped around my back and the other, that had been on my arm, traveled up until it was caressing my neck.

Confused I looked up, sniffling lightly. We were closer than I'd originally thought. Suddenly his mouth was on mine. I gasped into it and he slipped his tongue between my lips. My hands rushed to his shoulders and his thumb came up caressing my cheek and catching the lone tear that had fallen in my moment of surprise.

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Holy shit you guys!! The finally fucking kissed!!

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and I look forward to continuing this story️

Have a great day!


	20. Ch 20

I never understood what I was looking for in my past boyfriends, but it was never friendship. I took relationships when ever they would come my way and tried to mold them into what I thought they should be, I changed myself so that the person would stay. But after so long I finally realized that wasn't the way to go. All thanks to the Beautiful Boy.

—————pb—————

When did I forget that there was so much to explore?

Why didn't I realize someone would open a door?

—————pb—————

As we stood there in the kitchen, our arms wrapped around each other, neither of us realized that someone was coming down the stairs. We were too busy smiling like idiots and staring at each other.

"Holy shit." Fiona and Ian said in unison. I jerked my head to face them and Fiona had a huge, mood crushing, smug smile slapped on her face. Ian looked equally smug but he was staring directly at Lip. My face bloomed red faster than I ever remember and I ducked my head a bit, bumping Lip gently with the towel that was still wrapped in my hair.

"You are so busted." Fiona said.

"What do you mean busted?" I asked.

"How long did you think you could hide it?!" She asked with a laugh. "I mean Lip sleeps in your room, you two are always staring at each other! I just hope you've been using protection!" She said looking momentarily stern.

"Wha— what are you talking about?!" I said becoming, if possible, even more red than before. "We've never—" I choked on the words.

"That was our first kiss you rudely burst in on, thanks for that." Lip said smirking to ease the bite of his words.

"Oh my god." Fiona said. "You were right, they really are blind." She said looking at Ian in amazement.

"Congrats you crazy kids!" Ian said. "I fucking told you, both of you." He said mockingly stern.

"Hey don't jump on my ass, I'm not gonna be all over a taken guy!" I said in my defense.

"Not taken anymore," he said hastily as Fiona raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to say something. She immediately calmed.

"Oh... so you're not taken?" I asked him looking up at him with doe eyes.

"Well I mean... Uhm—" his mouth opened and closed a couple times before I laughed.

"Calm down, I know what you mean." I said before looking over at Fiona. "Are you gonna be all weird mother hen now?"

"I am not a mother hen!" She said sounding affronted.

"Well—"

"You kind of are,"

"She's not wrong" we all said talking over each other.

"Okay! Okay, I get it. I hover! And no, I've been rooting for you two since he brought you into the house when you were thirteen."

That stunned me a bit. I knew she loved me and all, but I didn't know she'd wanted me to be with Lip.

"A little heads up would've been nice— ahh!" I said sucking air through my teeth as I stumbled some, my leg was starting to throb a bit more and I had tried to let go of Lip for a moment. He caught me and held me a little tighter.

"Alright, upstairs, you've been on that leg for too long already," Fiona said.

"I'm fine, five by five really, besides I really wanted to try and talk to Sheila soon." Lip looked a little uncomfortable at that. Probably not wanting to go back and see Karen. Ian saw it too and nodded to me.

"I could get Ian to take me," I said quietly to Lip. He looked conflicted back and forth between the two of us.

"We can all go," he said.

"Nope, you're giving that leg at least another week. And no 'buts' you aren't even supposed to be on it now! Come on. Upstairs!" Fiona said urgently.

Lip grabbed me around the waist and pulled me up bridal style so quickly I almost screamed. I huffed at him with a pouty face and as we passed Fiona I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Mother Hen," I muttered as we took the first few steps.

"I heard that!"

All Lip could do was laugh.

—————pb—————

This week seemed to drag. On and on and on.

All I could really do was mess around on the computer that I'd brought from my mothers house and to say I found something interesting was saying nothing.

DaddyzGirl.

Holy Shit. The second I saw it I knew exactly who it was. And who she was on.

He looked drugged out of his mind and I know I heard him saying no, but holy fuck.

Frank fucked Karen.

Now I knew it was only right to tell Lip but I was worried. He could have only one of two reactions.

Disappointed as hell, or mildly unsurprised.

Of course I was nervous. Who really wants to tell their semi non official boyfriend that his ex-half girlfriend half fuck buddy fucked his dad? Not me, my hand isn't raised.

But I couldn't not tell him. So when he walked in the door looking around the room, for what I could only guess to be the computer, I wondered who had told him.

"I know what you're looking for and I've already seen it."

He looked at me wary, noticing the computer in my lap, which I promptly set to the other side of the bed.

"Is it true?" He asked, his face was concerning, blank. I nodded.

Suddenly his shoulders slumped a few inches and he sat on the end of the bed. He gave a small nod and a sigh.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"Even if I wasn't, would my new girlfriend really want to know if I was upset about a girl I used to fuck?"

"Maybe not... but your best friend would." He turned and looked at me. His face was clear of sadness, but he did look disappointed.

"You hate her."

"Because she had you. But, I can tell when people are sending out distress calls. She's... she's super unhappy, Lip."

He picked at his bottom lip with his teeth before slowly crawling up the bed and laying his head in my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair and waited for him to talk.

"I don't want you to think I'm in love with her." He said. "But she and I... we were close."

"I know..." I said quietly.

"And you were right that night... when you asked if she would be jealous. She would've been. But I didn't care... she's toxic Lyd. Being around her was fun, a lot of fun, even when we weren't messing around, but I could see it. She couldn't... sit still. Mandy would look at me, or you, and five minutes later she would be pulling me around and shoving off clothes. She was possessive. I think her dad really fucked her up this time."

I could hear it in his voice. The longing to be there for an old friend.

"Do you... do you want to talk to her?" I asked.

"No. I don't need to talk to her, I have you."

"Don't do that."

He twisted his head to look up at me.

"What?"

"I'm not going to be the reason you don't go talk to her Lip. If you feel like you need to talk to her and try to reel her in from what ever crazy hell she's going through and raising you do it. I'm not your keeper, and you aren't mine."

He looked at me in awe for a moment before facing the wall again and grabbing my hand to put it back in his hair. I started running my fingers through it again.

"And... I have to go talk to Sheila anyway. We could go together if you want." He nodded gently under my palm and I smiled at the side of his head.

—————pb—————

"I don't even know what to say to her."

We were walking down the road, well I was hobbling on my crutches, on the way to the Jackson household.

"Well, let her start, she might be close to breaking down."

We were quiet for a while. Lip was carrying a book bag with all my files in it for me. I figured the best way to break the news was through evidence than heresay. The only bit left to do was get her DNA for the test.

"So what are you thinking about saying to her?" He asked me.

"I was thinking about letting the files represent themselves. I'm too nervous to talk properly and she already thinks I look like what she imagined... I'm hoping she's not as obtuse as everyone makes her out to be."

In all honesty I was worried she wouldn't like me. And that she would think that I wanted something from her. My adopted parents gave me everything I needed when they died. Money and closure. My dad gave me money and my mom gave me closure. I would have preferred both from both parents but I don't know how much closure you can get from a child molester.

"I don't think she is, I think she's actually street smart somewhere in there." He said as we strolled up along the side of the house. Even through the front door you could hear some type of loud music. Lip rapped harshly enough on the door that someone inside heard and turned down the music quickly.

Suddenly the door was flung open and there Sheila Jackson stood in all her floral print dress glory.

"Oh hello! How are you?" She said. She looked frazzled, like she hadn't had much sleep, which was understandable because of the loud music thumping through the house.

"Uhm, were fine Mrs. Jackson—"

"Oh honey, please call me Shiela. Eddie has completely disappeared, thank goodness. He completely crushed my poor Karen. Please, come in, come in!"

Lip and I shared a look and slowly walked into the house. It was at that moment that I realized Sheila knew nothing about Karen's video diary. There on a hook in the entry way was Franks jacket. He was here somewhere. Lips face turned stormy so I put my hand on his elbow and he looked down at me. Nodding slowly he unclenched his fist.

"Sheila, I hope you don't mind, I need to go talk to Karen."

"Oh no dear, that's fine! Maybe you could get her to come upstairs. She's always down in that basement, doing God knows what! Maybe get her to turn the music off? And goodness Lydia, what happened to your leg?" She asked me as Lip and I shared one last look before he descended the stairs.

This was it. It was time to face mine and Shielas hairy ball of life problems.

"Shiela, I need to talk to you."

"Oh, o-okay. Would you like something to drink?"

"No, thank you I—"

"Anything to eat? We had some wonderful lamb shanks last night that I could heat them up in a snap!"

"We actually ate a half hour ago. Thank you, so much, but—"

"We have some cake!"

"Shiela. Would it make you feel better if I asked for some water?" I asked calmly. I could see it in her eyes. Looking at me unnerved her and she needed something to keep her busy. She needed time to prepare herself to be near me for any length of time.

"Oh! Oh sure, water. We have water! Ice, no ice? We have lemon!" She said as she jumped at the chance to go in the other room.

"Ice and lemon would be wonderful thank you. May I sit?"

"Oh yes! Anywhere, and prop your leg up! You still have to tell me what happened." I sighed thankful and slowly lowered myself on the near end of her plastic covered couch, putting my leg out beside me. It had slowly started to heal but the stitches still felt tight, the incision still a bit swollen.

"Well... I was shot." Sheila gasped hard in the kitchen and whirled to the side clutching her chest.

"Good lord! What for?"

"It was a wrong place wrong time thing. I was at work and the owner was aiming for someone stealing and I was behind the guy. It went through him and landed in my leg." I said shrugging.

"My goodness, and you work there? I don't know what I would do if something like that happened to my poor Karen!" She said as she walked back around the petition between the kitchen and the living room with two glasses of ice water that had a few cut lemons floating in the top.

"I'm getting three months paid leave to heal up so I think I'll be fine," I said huffing a laugh.

"We'll keep it clean, those types of things are easy to get infected, and that's not pretty." She said as she got settled in a seat. "Now, what would you like to talk about?"

I took a long sip of water and set it down before looking at her. She was thin and had permanent worry lines on her face. Her hair was meticulously done and her hands twitched nervously. I sighed.

"What I'm going to say might... it might be difficult to hear so I'm going to let you try and read a few papers that I found." I said looking into her eyes. Her eyebrows scrunched but she nodded.

Grabbing the papers from my bag that lip left by the couch I handed her the top few files. Slowly she started reading over them her face becoming increasingly distressed.

Before she could say anything I did.

"I recently found out, after my mother passed, that I was adopted when I was born. The paperwork that I found said that the reason I was put up for adoption was because my biological mother was assaulted." Her breathing had picked up. "And that my biological father was unknown... to make sure my adopted parents weren't related to me at all I got a DNA test done. I wasn't related to my mother but my father was my biological father." She was looking hard at the papers in her hands. "I'm sorry I'm upsetting you... but Karen told Lip about— about your past and... I think I may be your daughter."

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You guys I am so sorry that this is sooooo super late. School has been crazy these past few weeks. I have papers and projects due and tests to take! So it might be a bit longer than a week before I post again. But I'm not abandoning this story!!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!

Thank you!


	21. Ch 21

Maybe it was selfish to tell her. I mean, what if all it does is hurt her? I know she may have wanted to know her daughter... but I don't think she expected me. She has her perfect blonde baby with fair skin and and angelic face. But then there is me. Dark hair, tan skin, and a rough past. What could she possibly think of me?

—————pb—————

Where do I go from here?

What do I do with all of this fear?

—————pb—————

The silence between Sheila and I seemed to stretch on for hours, even though it had only been a minute or so. It only made things worse when the music downstairs stopped. I could hear the oh so faint murmuring if a conversation, fuzzy and unfocused, indecipherable.

I wasn't going to make the first move. All I could do was sit and wait as I stared at her shoulder length curly hair. The skin around her eyes was pulled tight displaying years of worry in memorized patterns of wrinkles that were just visible, even when the skin was relaxed.

Her eyes bloomed with tears as she looked over the file. With shaking hands she closed it and sat it on the coffee table in front of her.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked in a hiccuping lilt.

"I— I just wanted to know if you think—"

"I have spent years, wondering. Years packed away in this house thinking 'oh god, she could be anywhere!' And now you're here. And I don't know what to do!"

"I don't know. But I thought we deserved to at least know the other exists."

"We— well we, we don't know anything! This is all just some speculation!" Her feet were pulled as close to the chair as her calves would let her go and her hands were gripping their opposite elbows with white knuckles.

"I wanted to know if you think it would be worth it to try and get a DNA test done. I deserve to know who my birth mother is."

"You said you found this after your mother died. That was what, a month or two ago. You've only known you were adopted for a few months and, and you— You had real parents!! So they didn't give birth to you, they were still real! I had to go through life knowing that you were out there without knowing who you were." She seemed jittery and abrasive to say the least.

"I brought a test. All we would have to do is swab your cheek and we can send it in."

"That's it?" She asked.

"That's it. Simple as that." She nodded and I grabbed my bag as quickly as I could without jostling my leg. When I got the kit out she grabbed it and swabbed her cheek as calmly as she could.

"How do we send it in?" She asked.

"Well, whenever Lip and I start home we can drop it off. The results shouldn't take long, a couple hours maybe."

"Results for what?" Said a steely voice from the kitchen. I looked over and was gobsmacked at the girl standing there. Black rimmed eyes, black hair, black clothes, and a chain that connected her ear to her nose. A raw looking tattoo on her arm spelled out something I couldn't quite see. Karen.

"Holy shit," I said.

"What are you getting results for, why are you in my house, and why are you talking to my mom?" She asked harshly, her eyes flashing back and forth between the two of us.

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Hello everyone!! I know it has been so long and this chapter is so short and I am so sorry!! I have been having the hardest time trying to write this one for some reason! I left it at a cliff hanger I know but it's not a big one. Hopefully I can continue it soon or start another story as a sequel. But I'm going to take a break and try to focus on a different story completely and maybe that'll get my creative juices flowing.

Have a great day!!!

Drop4Lunar


	22. Ch 22

What is there to say when you're truly speechless? With a surprise around every corner? I may not have seen this one coming. But I sure as hell knew it wasn't true.

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Why couldn't I catch my breath?

When they say something comes out of a field why is it always the left?

—————*pb*—————

I was frozen in my seat. I could hardly breathe. Why was I suddenly so scared of what she might do if I told the truth?

"It's a paternity test."

"For what?"

"I think— I think she's my mom."

Her eyes narrowed at me. Her fists that had been clenched at her sides came up and crossed over her thin chest.

"You already have parents... oops. No you don't, they're dead."

"Karen,—" Lip started, looking pissed.

"Don't Lip, it's okay. She's right I had parents. My father was an abusive psychopath and my mother was a victim of rape who gave me away when her husband asked her to."

Her breathing became almost as labored as Sheila's had been earlier. Now Sheila was hurriedly puttering around in the kitchen absentmindedly muttering about food and drinks and how we liked our lemonade. Karen was pale and she angrily turned to Lip.

"You told her?! How could you? I told you that in confidence! I was trying to explain how crazy she was not give you some story to mouth off to your slutty friends who have nothing better to do that mess with my moms head! What? You didn't have enough attention with your perfect home life and my boyfriend? You had to come mess with my mom??" She said finally, looking to me.

"My home life was far from perfect—"

"Oh please! Miss. I have my parents attention every waking moment—"

"You shut the fuck up! You don't know shit about my parents!"

"At least they stayed!"

"Oh boo-hoo! So your dad fucking left! Good fucking riddance! Because of your dad my life has been a living hell!"

"Oh, and my life hasn't been a living hell? If you really are my sister just look at what you did to my mom!"

"I didn't do shit. I was a by-product that no one wanted. Least of all your father."

"Quit whining, you had two steady parents, parents who were there for you!"

"The only thing steady about my parents was their parenting technique. Mom played the oblivious house wife. And yeah, Daddy Dearest was there. He was in my room every night from the time I got my first period."

Suddenly a pan clattered to the floor in the kitchen. I don't know when I had stood during our outbursts at each other but it was making my leg throb and the sudden noise made me jump and my leg started to buckle. Crying out I landed on my ass sucking air between my teeth. Lip cut around Karen to get to me and she just stood there staring at me, seemingly frozen. Her eyes were wide and she looked impossibly paler.

"What?" She asked as Lip helped me stand.

"You heard me, and to make matters worse... he was my biological dad all along."

I had to give her credit, she was stunned, yes, but she didn't look sorry for me. She almost looked scared for herself.

"Come on Lyd, we should go. Thank you for the drinks Sheila, we'll give you a call later." Lip said as he helped me hobble to the door. I could hear Sheila crying quietly in the kitchen.

"Sheila. Whatever you're thinking right now, it wasn't your fault. None of it." She only sniffled harder, so I let Lip half pull half carry me to the door. He soon had his shoes on and was helping me put on my second shoe.

"I'm pregnant."

Today seemed to be a day of stunning moments. My back was to her and Lip was kneeling in front of me, too scared of what I would say, what he would say, I scrunched my eyes closed. If it was his kid, there was a distinct possibility that I could lose him. I should've known better.

"Congratulations, whose the father?"

"What do you mean whose the father, asshole? You." She said angrily.

My eyes had opened in relief and slowly they tracked down to where he was still kneeling and finishing the bow of my laces. He was looking up at me with a small smile and his eyes didn't leave mine as he stood with a huff of exertion.

"Not possible, I had a friend tell me in eighth grade once that if I kept hoeing around like I was with out a rubber I'd have seven kids like Carl by the time I was fifteen. Scared me straight." He said with a sidelong look at me. I was the friend.

"Those break," she said defiantly.

"And that's why you wear two. Sorry Karen. That kid isn't mine. But I'll gladly do a paternity test to prove it to you when he's born. If it's even needed."

Sheila slowly walked up behind Karen with red rimmed eyes and something in her hand.

"Here Lydia, please do call me when you get the results."

In all the commotion I had left the test but there it was in her hand ready to be delivered. Karen stared at her in shock.

"Mom what—?"

"Hush Karen." Her eyes got wide and suddenly she was rushing back through the house to the kitchen, we heard the basement door slam.

"Thank you Sheila."

"No dear, thank you."

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I don't know what I'm doing you guys but here's another little bit that I hope you can enjoy.

Drop4Lunar


	23. Ch 23

I lived my whole life waiting for something close to a loving home environment. Some sliver of what they had. It was so close to my fingertips that I could feel the fringes of the fabric of life. My own true piece, one stitched just for me. So close I could taste the homemade recipes that were passed down from generations. And hear the anecdotes of long dead grandparents, or fun uncles. So Close.

—————*pb*—————

Who knew that life could be so rosy?

Who knew why they really needed a pocket full of posies?

—————*pb*—————

It had been two weeks since I had gotten the test results. Two weeks I couldn't bring myself to open them.

I had spent a couple of days with Sheila after sending in for them, and she had stopped calling me Carly.

We baked cakes and made dinner, listened to Karen throw things in the basement to loud music. She had stopped calling me Carly.

I went on walks with her, a few steps farther every time with my encouragement. And she had stopped calling me Carly.

I never thought I would miss something that I never truly had but I did. That moment of recognition that I had once been hers, that I had been a crucial part of her life. It was comforting. But she had stopped calling me Carly.

I couldn't bring myself to open them and whenever she would ask I would say that I hadn't gotten them. That it was so weird because it never took this long before.

"Lyd." He said with his big blue eyes chasing mine. "You have to open them."

"What if we're wrong? What if—"

"What if she's not your mom?" He asked. I stared at my toes for a minute. Gently he lifted my face and held my gaze.

"If she's not, fuck it."

"Fuck it?" I asked incredulously. "What do you mean, fuck it?!"

"I mean. Fuck. It. So what if she isn't your mom? I know you want her to be. I want that for you too. But, who you come from doesn't have anything over who you are. I mean, look at me! I'm Frank fucking Gallagher's kid! Who they are doesn't define us. You don't need them to be yourself."

I stared at him before sighing. "You're right. I know you are. I just... something tells me that I'm wrong. And if I'm wrong I just... I will have killed part of this woman. Part that she's just getting back."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Lip if I'm wrong, I may have fucked up her life. Hers and Karen's."

"Baby, their life is already fucked up. As I see it right now, you have helped that woman more than any fucking therapist could."

"That's not—"

"Yes it is. It's true. Not even Karen will get out and walk with her. She doesn't want to cook with her, she doesn't dig deeper. You are breaking her out of her shell. And she deserves to know the results, just like you do."

It was odd, the house that always seemed a mite too small felt huge in that moment. It felt like the letter waiting on the desk on the other side of Lip's room was miles away.

"Will you do it?" I asked him. He took a deep breath, searching my face. Trying to gauge how badly I needed someone else to tell me, and he stood. The second or two it took him to reach the letter felt like minutes. Then all too quickly he was back by my side.

The tearing of the envelope sounded so loud in my ears I was worried it would wake Liam, who was asleep in Debbie's room. The rustle of the paper as he unfolded it sounded like a harsh wind passing the windows of the house and all I could do was take deep gulps of air.

"Lyd... Lydia?"

The rushing wind was almost too loud for me to hear him say it was negative.

Or was that my heartbeat?

—————*pb*—————

"You don't have to tell her you know."

"I can't pretend that I'm part of her family Ian. Lip was right, we both deserve to know not just me. I've already lived one lie. I know how it feels to think one way for so long only to have it ripped out from under you. I can't do that to her."

He was walking with me to the house, we had just left work after a rare shift of just the two of us in the store. Lip and I were meeting at the house and he was going to walk me over to Sheila's.

He looked at me long and hard.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out Lyd." He said.

I took a good long look at him. He seemed different now, a different look was on his face that I couldn't place and he seemed a bit lighter.

"Well, I'm glad things seem to be working out for you now Ian, with Micky at least."

He was just about to reply as we walked up the stairs, but suddenly the front door opened and Lip stepped out with a mildly panicked look.

"Hey, what—?"

"Karen's here."

"What, why?"

"She knows something is up."

"How? We just found out last night."

"She called the DNA place, or whatever it's called. They told her they mailed out the results two weeks ago."

"Shit."

I pushed passed him and into the living room and there stood an angry, blonde rooted goth girl with a slightly larger than normal stomach.

"Hey, Karen."

"Where is it?"

"Where's what?" I asked.

"Do not play any fucking games with me! Where are the fucking results?" She yelled.

"They're in my bag. Lip and I were just on the way to see your mom."

"My mom?" She asked with fire in her eyes.

"Yes." I said with a sigh. "Your mom."

"You ruined her."

"Excuse me?"

"You ruined her. And you're going to go and rip her to pieces you fucking slut!" She screamed, taking a few steps toward me.

"Back the fuck away from me. I didn't ruin anyone. And if anyone is ripping her to pieces it's you! You fucking narcissistic, cold hearted, bitch! The one person she has in her home that supposedly loves her and you can't even fucking cook with her? She just started going outside again!! You won't even take her for a fucking walk! All you do is sit in the fucking basement and bitch, and piss, and moan about how your daddy doesn't love you! You dye your hair, change your clothes! Get tattoos and pierce the fuck out of your face! You're trying to hide! And all you're doing is showing how ugly the inside is. So fuck you! Fuck you."

Lip was standing behind me with a hand on my shoulder, my leg wasn't completely healed but the doctors gave me to go to try walking on it. I knew he was glaring at her just as harshly as I was.

"I've been more of a daughter to her these past two weeks than you ever have. All because you've been trying to find validation in every dick you can find. Validation that you're wanted, trying to keep people from ignoring you by ignoring them when they try to get close and all you're doing is pushing the world away. I get it. You have issues. So does every other motherfucker on this planet. So strap on some balls and be a better person."

I said as I turned towards the stairs.

"Where the fuck are you going? She deserves to know!" She yelled at me.

"I know she does!" I yelled back. "Heaven forbid I change my fucking clothes!" I said as Lip walked up behind me to make sure I didn't fall.

—————*pb*—————

The walk to Sheila's was tense to say the least. Karen walked behind us as I leaned on Lip for support every now and then. My leg still twinged in the worst way if I stepped wrong.

The stairs were tricky, partially because I didn't want to climb them and partially because of the hole in my leg thing. But Lip whisper threatened to carry me up after Karen had run up to the door and unlocked it.

As we walked in I could hear a cooking show playing, a spatula scraping the bottom of a sauce pan, and the light patter of socked feet on the kitchen floor as she realized someone had come in.

"Oh!! Hello! You're all here! How are you, you— you're just in time! Im making dinner, there's enough food for six! Karen dear, I was wondering where you went, are you hungry?" Sheila asked as she rounded the corner.

Karen the Ungrateful just walked right passed her mother and into the kitchen slamming the trap door as she went.

"She's not that hungry Sheila, maybe we can all sit and talk?"

"Oh! Alright, the roast should have fifteen minutes or so left in the oven, let me go move the gravy, don't want it to burn!" She said prancing away. Lip and I made ourself comfortable on the couch, leaving her the single chair.

"I don't know how to do this." I said.

"If... if you need me to..." he said looking at me sincerely. I sighed.

"Thank you but, no I— it should come from me. I started this mess." Sheila rounded the corner.

"Alrighty dear! What is it you wanted to talk about?" She smiled at me. It was warm and welcoming, full of promises and hope. It killed me a little to even look at her.

"Um, I actually needed to talk to you about the results of the DNA test... they uhm... they were—"

"Negative?" She asked with her brows raised and a small head nod.

"How did you—?"

"They sent me a copy as well, two weeks ago." She said with a smile. My eyes welled.

"I'm sorry. So sorry—"

"Oh honey there's no need to be sorry! I just wanted you to be comfortable enough to tell me yourself."

"I didn't open them until yesterday."

She stood and walked over to the couch. Lip stood and moved to the side so she could sit next to me.

"I'm sorry you've been so upset over this. I thought about this for a long time. A long lost daughter, it's... well it is a little crazy. You've been so nice these past few weeks. It almost was like I got my Carly back, if not for a little while. But, I would be just as proud to have a Lydia." She said as she leaned over and pulled me to her.

I tried to hold back huge bouts of sobs as tears slowly slid down my cheeks.

"And I would love to have a Shiela." I said, a sob breaking her name from my throat.

"You have been everything that I wish I'd had in a mom." As I looked up at her I saw she was teary eyed as well.

"If it's alright with you I think I'm gonna keep visiting. We can keep up our walks can't we?"

"Of course dear. Now, I'm going to go grab the roast from the oven. Lip, are you staying for dinner too?"

He was sitting in Sheila's abandoned chair with a stunned look on his face.

"Uh, yeah... sure. I could eat." He said as he looked at me for confirmation that I wanted to stay. Sheila nodded and stood.

"Oh! I forgot!! Would either of you like a drink? We have tea, lemonade, and I think there's some tequila!" She said as she rushed into the kitchen.

Lip and I stared at each other for a second, and along with the tension we broke into small chuckles.

Classic Sheila.

—————*pb*—————

Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter!! I'm still getting used to the school year. Please don't hate me!

Enjoy!

Drop4Lunar


	24. Ch 24

Say anything you like, but there was always something dependable about a death sentence. She was always there to ruin what was never truly hers in the first place. Sure she had claims, claims she left years ago. And sure, she could say she was trying in her own way. But you knew you could depend on her. In the worst way possible.

—————*pb*—————

Well what do you know?

Will I ever learn of all the places I'll go?

—————*pb*—————

It had been months since I'd had that talk with Sheila. And we never stopped our walks, or our cooking shows, and those months had been wonderful. Lip would come with me and watch us cook dinner, talk with us, and steal bits of food as he "helped out." Life had plateaued into a semblance of normalcy. Well, normal with a side of pregnant angry teen in the basement.

Fiona had a mostly steady job, Carl was doing his homework (with my help), Ian was waiting on Mickey to get out of Juvie, no one cared to try and find Frank, Liam was growing like a weed, and Debs was just being Debs. There was a sense of calm throughout the house. It was false.

Monica.

She had to show up a few days before Thanksgiving. She butt her head in just around the time we were supposed to be thankful that she'd left, claiming that Bob left her high and dry and she needed to be home with her family. That she needed to make it right.

She lasted a day and a half before she went catatonic, that's when we realized she hadn't been taking her meds.

I'm not saying she wasn't in pain, or that her pain wasn't valid. She had to deal with Frank for years. But it was her that drug him into her life. She couldn't help her phases, being Bi-Polar fucked her up. She couldn't help it. But she also never fucking learned.

In a way I'm thankful for her. She gave me my pseudo-family. But, sometimes it seems like she is trying her best to tear them apart. Especially now.

I couldn't let the family eat a bald eagle for thanksgiving, Kev could cook it up for us another time. So I went out and got a turkey, and a heat and eat side for each person that I knew was coming. It was gonna be a full house.

"Lyd, you didn't have to do all this, really." Fiona said as she saw me coming in piled with bags.

"When are you gonna realize it's because I want to?" I said with a joking smile. She gave me a frown and cocked her head to the side with a light sigh through her nose.

"Fiona, I live here too. I eat the food and use the water and the electricity and you barely let me help with those. Call this payback." She grabbed a few of the extra bags and helped me put everything away in the kitchen. When we were done she stopped me.

"You have been helping us, in ways you don't know. I don't even mean the money. Carl does his homework, Liam is more playful, Debbie quit trying to baby everyone to death, Ian smiles more... and Lip," she paused smiling a little and grabbed my face in her hands, "he started giving a shit... That's why I don't ask for it. But, thank you Lyd. Really." She said and gave me a hug. My face was burning and I could only smile at the crease between her throat and shoulder.

"We love you, ya know?"

"I love you too, Fi... but what are we gonna do about Monica?" She had been laid out under the stairs for hours the other day and no one could find her until Carl went to grab a flashlight to look under the house.

"I don't know, she's just laying there. She hasn't been taking her meds."

"You're not gonna like it but maybe..."

She looked at me with resignation and distaste. "Yeah I know."

"He's the only one that'll at least get her to take it."

She ended up finding Frank, who was livid that we hadn't tried to find him sooner. He laid with her after moving her onto the couch and finally coaxed some of her meds down. By lunch she was sitting up and slowly looking around.

We asked Sheila to make the thanksgiving dinner, she was appalled at the heat and eat sides and insisted she make a few homemade of her own. It took a lot of walks, and a lot of deep breathing, but she was finally able to make the walk to the Gallagher house so I asked Kevin if I could use his truck to bring her over with the mountain of food she was sure to bring with her.

When I got there she was loaded down with stuff and Karen was trailing behind her carrying a few bags as well. She looked miserable as she waddled along with her stomach preceding her.

I could only thank the lord that she was trying to put the baby up for adoption, and that she hadn't tried to convince Lip it was his baby any longer. She had tried a few times, saying she had poked holes in the condoms, or that she had found later that they were broken, but he wasn't stupid and she eventually dropped it.

"Hey Karen, you coming to eat too?"

"Well, you're stealing my mother on Thanksgiving so if I want to see the last remaining family member that that I have it's in my best interest to follow her."

"Well good, we got you a chair just in case."

She looked surprised and suspicious but I didn't let it bother me. Sheila was smiling her thanks and had to hide a few tears. I had asked her a few weeks ago if I could set aside a chair for Karen just in case and she had been overjoyed that she would have all of her family with her, the Gallagher's had wormed their way into her heart just as much as I had it seemed.

The ride was quiet and tense to say the least but we made it back in one piece with only a couple of deviled egg casualties from taking a turn they didn't like. Lip met is at the gate to help bring in food and opened my door before pecking me on the cheek.

"All right Sheila, pack the mule, what can I carry?" He asked. She smiled brightly at him and immediately loaded him with two bags and a tray of cold cuts. I grabbed a couple of smaller bags that she reluctantly let me carry, still worried about my now almost entirely healed bullet wound. She and Karen brought in the last two food trays and she walked in the house with far more confidence than she had the first time.

Sheila still had a huge problem with germs. And it wasn't that she thought you were dirty or that your house was dirty, which the Gallagher house was never truly spotless. She was just far more cautious than the average person. Walking into the house the first time she nearly fainted. The second time she came in she declared that the kitchen would be her "Bitch" and pulled out her duffle of cleaning supplies before tackling the entire room in what ended up being a two day cleaning process. Soon enough she had the whole house cleaned and smelling like bleach and citrus oils which was a far cry better than it used to be.

You could actually see the tiles in the bathroom shine now.

We set the loads of food on the counter tops and kitchen table before she pulled out her designated turkey pan and dressed the turkey like a king. Within the hour the house smelled more like Thanksgiving than any other house in the history of the holiday.

All the kids were amazed, me included. I had never had this at home when I was younger. We ate turkey sandwiches with kraft mac and cheese and instant potatoes, which was still more than what the Gallagher's got half the time.

All the kids were sitting at the table in the kitchen when Kev and Vee walked in carrying a fold out table to set up between the kitchen and the living room to make the current table longer to fit everyone. They propped it on the wall and came into the kitchen where everyone but Monica and Frank were talking and laughing as they stared in amazement at all the food. Karen sat in the corner with a sour look as usual.

"Holy shit, when did you get enough money to hire a personal chef?" Vee asked staring in bemused wonder at Sheila.

"Hey Sheila," Kev said with a smile.

"Hello, you two!! Go make yourselves comfortable we still have about an hour until the turkey is done!"

"Hey Fi, we should probably set up the tables. But we probably need to move the couch..." Kev said slowly as he glanced back at Monica and Frank leaning on each other seated in the living room.

"I'll get them to move," I said walking into the living room. I may hate them. And I may abhor the way they treat their family, but on Thanksgiving I was gonna show them a little compassion.

"Hey! Are you sure?" Fi asked as I got up off Lip's lap. I looked down at him and he gave me a look that said 'it's your call.'

"Yeah I'm sure." I walked passed the chatter and into the living room. Frank held Monica close on the couch.

"Hey Frank."

"Hello, devil child." He said with a sneer. I ignored it as usual.

"We're about to move the couch out of the way for the tables, would you mind moving?"

"I'm not going anywhere. This is my house. And my couch. And Monica needs me, set it up later."

I sighed, I had hoped that they would move willingly but I knew it was no use.

"You can lay in my room." He looked up sharply.

"What do you mean?"

"Your old room, Fiona's letting me stay in it. You could go up and lay in there for a while until dinner is ready," I said.

"Moni, do you want to go lay in our room?" He asked her quietly. I didn't even correct him about the room. It was one of the only times I had ever seen him be gentle. Sadly she just stared around for a minute before standing, leaving him to jump up and try to steady her unnecessarily.

"I'll come up and tell you when it's time for dinner," I said as he slowly followed Monica up to my room.

Soon enough all of the tables were set up with a jumble of mismatched chairs and place settings, which no one but Sheila minded. The kitchen counters looked like they were set up for a volunteer soup kitchen they carried so much food. I was almost worried the old counters would buckle under all the weight.

Once people started making their plates and getting settled in I decided to walk up and get the dismal lovers out of my room.

"Hey, Frank. Dinners ready. Where's Monica?" I asked as I saw him laying solitarily on my bed. I had known I'd have to let them use the room a day or two in advance so I'd replaced the sheets with some old but clean ones and found an old comforter stuffed in the back of the downstairs closet for them to use that morning. I would be putting it all back once the dinner was over and they'd left again.

"She went to the bathroom, told me to wait here, I must've drifted to sleep for a minute," he said rubbing his eyes and re-situating his beanie on his head.

I slipped out of the room and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Monica?" I called, "dinner is ready. Do you want to come down and eat with us?" I asked. "... Monica?"

I tried jiggling the knob but she'd locked it. "Monica?!" I shouted through the door. Suddenly it swung open and she stood there with a closed off expression.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to try and barge in, I got worried. Do you wanna come eat?" I asked. She nodded minimally and followed me down. Everyone had plates and there was a pair of seats at the end of the table for them, Frank already in his. Mine was between Lip and Sheila.

Everyone seemed to be having a great time, talking and occasionally getting up for more food in the kitchen. Monica and Frank didn't say much but no one really expected them to. It was genuinely nice.

No one noticed when Monica got up with her plate to go to the kitchen Frank had struck up a conversation with Carl about mashed potato volcanoes.

No one noticed how long she had been gone until there was a thud from the kitchen. And a crash as a plate fell into the sink. Suddenly Fiona was up and dashing into the kitchen, me hot on her heels.

Sitting in the corner facing the fridge. A knife in her hand. Blood pooling around her wrists. Staining her clothes as she fought to stay still but jerking from the shock. I didn't notice that I had choked a sob back until Lip was pushing passed me. I grabbed Debbie and Carl by their shirt collars and yanked them into the living room telling them to stay put before rushing back into the kitchen.

Lip had a hold on one of her wrists while frank held onto the other trying to keep the wounds closed. Fiona was sobbing into Vee's shoulder and Kevin was fumbling with his crappy phone. I yanked the phone off the wall and dialed quickly rushing over to check her pulse, nearly slipping in the blood on the floor.

As the operator asked question after question and sent the closest cops and ambulance our way I tried to keep a count on her pulse, which was slowing down.

The front door burst open and I remembered Sheila and Karen. They were huddled in the living room with Carl and Debbie. The EMT's quickly and efficiently loaded Monica in the ambulance, Frank rushing in after her but being shoved out. A lack of space and the need to work quickly had him cursing the EMT's as they drove off.

Suddenly Sheila was walking out the front door with a decidedly scared and uncomfortable Karen.

"The baby is coming!" She exclaimed and Kevin jumped into action being one of the only two able to drive and not covered in blood. He loaded them up and we all jumped into the bed of the truck before he rushed off to the hospital.

Luckily no cops were patrolling and we didn't get stopped as we left the truck at the door to the emergency room and rushed to get Karen admitted.

We found out about Monica's condition soon after arriving from a nurse who seemed decidedly uncomfortable with being threatened by two people covered in someone else's blood. She was starting to stabilize but they were having to go an extensive surgery with blood transfusions.

Someone from the hospital called the couple who were planning to adopt Karen's baby and after making sure my family was going to be alright for the time being I rushed to maternity and delivery to find Sheila. She was probably terrified all on her own here. We had only made it to the Gallagher's on our walks, never as far as the hospital.

Seeing a girl rush in covered in blood was probably a maternity ward nurses worst nightmare, but right now I could care less. I stripped off my sweater leaving me in my my tee shirt and sadly stained jeans. Soon I found Sheila sitting in a hospital room. She said it was only a matter of minutes now and they would finally be able to see the baby. Karen had wanted to go into delivery alone.

It only took about an hour and a half, of which time the Gallagher's has all joined us to meet the little life that was going to make it out of the south side with a hopefully wonderful couple from the suburbs. They were sitting a little ways away from all of us, most likely concerned about the blood as well.

Soon enough they called Sheila in and she wouldn't go in without me. We walked into the room and saw Karen first. Spent and sweaty as she lasted back on the hospital bed, cleaned up and covered from the looks of it. Slowly we looked around and I spotted the baby first.

Automatically I knew the couple outside were going to bail. They wouldn't be able to stomach the time and effort it was going to take to raise him. And I knew it was going to be up to me to tell them that their so long awaited baby was not as they imagined he was going to be.

He wasn't going to be a blue eyed, blind, bouncing baby boy. He was a sweet innocent Asian boy with Down Syndrome.

Happy Thanksgiving to me.

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So sorry for the shitty lack of updates. This is my last semester of college and I'm so trying to make it to graduation alive.

I hope you enjoyed my spin on this episode/ cluster of moments, and as an added bonus it's almost the length of a chapter and a half!

P. S. Go check out my One-Shot about an OC and Lip called Grit! I think you might enjoy it. It's something my brain just spit out the other day!

Thank you for your patience!!

Enjoy!

Drop4Lunar


	25. Ch 25

It never truly hurts to ask the serious questions in life if you can be mature about them, and the answers that you receive. Laughing things off can work for a while but you can never progress that way. If you are mature enough to ask the question, be mature enough to know what answer you want and how important it is to you. Nothing can hurt you worse than not believing someone when they tell you how they feel.

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How often do you get to say I love you?

Can you count the ways that make it true?

—————*pb*—————

I knew they would walk away.

I was sitting there with Lip on a bench in the hall staring at them after breaking the news and waiting for them to finally just walk away. But they deliberated.

I looked to Lip sitting beside me, reached over and grabbed his hand. We sat in silence for a few minutes and he leaned his head on my shoulder. All I could really do now was stare at the wall ahead of me. Sterile powder blue with the fluorescent cream colored lights. The colors melted together until I couldn't take it, so I looked back at the couple.

"Do you want kids one day?" I asked.

His head came up off my shoulder and he looked at me with a laugh in his features, but he saw how serious a question it was as I continued to stare at the couple. Instead of laughing his face melted into thought.

"I want your answer, not just what you think I want to hear," I said. I wasn't even sure what I wanted if I was being honest. To have a tiny person that you created with someone else, half of each of you, was a huge thing. Colossal.

He paused for a long moment.

"I don't not want kids, but that's kind of a loaded question you know? I think me, and every other person on the planet, wants to be able to give their kids things that they didn't have."

"I get it, I want that to for any kids I have... and to preface this, I'm not pregnant. But, we can already give any kids, that either of us have, so much more than what we've had. We're too young, yeah. But I think I might want kids one day." He was nodding.

"Yeah, one day, I think I'd want them too. Poor bastards," he huffed with a laugh. I smiled.

"You would make a good dad, Philip Gallagher."

"You would make a good mom, Lydia Walsh."

We looked at each other for a long moment, and I smiled before looking back to the powder blue wall.

"So let's say," I said tilting my head. "By the time we're thirty, if neither of us are married to anybody, or have kids with anybody, we will get married and have those kids. That sound good?" Powder blue was my least favorite color but at that moment it was interesting and vibrant with my nerves.

He laughed with a wry smile at the same wall.

"Yeah," He said slowly. His tone warm and inviting. "That sounds good." He pulled my face to look at his. "That sounds really good."

I smiled at him, and toe curling was an odd phrase to use when your day has been this hectic and sad but that was how his kiss made me feel. When we pulled back he laid his forehead on mine and toyed with a stray black lock of my hair.

Suddenly there was a small attention grabbing cough from down the hall. Looking back I saw the couple standing there looking at us with red faces and tears in their eyes. Taking a deep breath I patted Lip's thigh and told him to stay there.

"Hey, I'm sorry about... all of this. I know it's a shock and not what you expected. No one is going to blame you for—"

"We're going to adopt him." The woman said firmly.

"What?" I asked. Her husband chimed in next.

"We want to adopt him. He isn't what we expected, no, but... he still needs a home. And we have one waiting for him." I couldn't help the tears in my eyes. "Besides, a lot of pregnancies turn out unexpectedly. He was meant for us."

"I don't know what to say besides thank you." Tears were falling and I reached over to hug both of them before they headed to the reception desk for the paper work.

Lip came up behind me and hugged me close.

"Wait!" I said as they were about to round the corner. "Just one thing. He's gonna know he was adopted, that's obvious, he's different... but here," I said reaching into my pocket. I had kept this with me for a long while waiting for her to give birth so I could give it to the couple.

"It's Karen, while she was pregnant. Its one of the only times I really saw her excited about him. I was adopted and didn't know, but I never got to see my real mother. I thought it would be something to help... if he ever asks."

They smiled sweetly at me, taking the photo gently and admiring the smiling girl with a round belly.

"Of course, thank you. We'll make sure he knows that she loved him."

I smiled a sad smile at them, they didn't know it was because I knew how wrong they were. The only people who really loved that boy like a parent was them. But they didn't need to know that.

—————*pb*—————

The hospital room was dark and cold when I walked in. Sheila was gently dosing in the chair next to the bed and I could see Karen staring at the ceiling.

"Hey," I said. She stayed quiet for a minute.

"They're gone aren't they?"

"No. They stayed. They want to keep him." She looked at me.

"At least somebody does."

"If you didn't want him why didn't you get rid of him when you found out you were pregnant?" I hated the thought, but I could see it's merit. She was almost seventeen, a year younger than Lip and I, and just a junior in high school. She didn't want or love him and thought of him as a parasite, she'd said so herself.

"He was Lip's."

"He was never Lip's baby. Not only does he have a distinct Asian look to him, Lip uses protection. You may have wanted him to be his. But you never wanted him. You want to control Lip, keep him to yourself, and have someone to destroy like you imagine your parents destroyed you."

She was quiet for a long time.

"You know what I like most about Lip?" I was quiet, I wanted to know what she thought she felt.

"It's not the sex, even though it is great. It's the way he makes me feel. Made me feel. He gave me attention, he worried about me, he let me do my own thing."

She was still staring at the ceiling.

"But that all changed when he started seeing you."

"He's known me for years."

"But he never really saw you. He cared about you but he couldn't see. He does now. Your hair, I tried to get it but mine kept coming back, I tried to shock him with piercings, tattoos... it shocked everyone but him, and you. I thought that maybe if he thought the baby was his he would come back. You did too, I could tell. But he was so sure it wasn't, and he was right."

I was quiet still, trying to chew over what she'd told me.

"You have everything that I don't," She said. "You have my boyfriend, you have my mom, you have the big family, you have life. I have a sterile room in in a hospital where my mom sleeps next to me only because the room is about as sterile as my house, except for the basement, except for me."

"You aren't dirty, Karen. Sex doesn't make you dirty. You're human, life happens, has happened, but it doesn't make you unclean."

"I want to be," she said. "Then I'll know why she doesn't love me.

"She does love you. Or she wouldn't be here, she would be sitting at home or pacing that kitchen while you laid here in that hospital bed alone. She's out of her comfort zone here, and she's here for you. Not me, not the Gallagher's... you. And you didn't even let her in the room. You're so busy trying to separate yourself from her when all you want is to be close to her. That baby boy that you just tossed away will get a better life. But every good thing you're given you push away, you build a wall, you discard it."

She stayed quiet.

"Figure out what you really want before you destroy yourself trying to get it."

She looked at me for a long moment before staring back up to the ceiling, effectively dismissing me.

I grabbed a notepad and pen from the nearby table and penned a note to Sheila letting her know I would be back in the morning, with clothes for her and Karen, in Kevin's truck. While walking out I paused at the door.

"Goodnight, Karen," I said.

And as I passed through the threshold, I heard her thin voice.

"Goodnight."

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Hey everyone! It's a little shorter than I wanted but I felt like this was a good image to leave off on.

I hope you're enjoying the story!!

Happy reading!

Drop4Lunar


	26. Ch 26

The way our parents raise us doesn't always have to define us. We can break free, spread our wings, stick out our necks, and do things for ourselves. But, if they start young, if they warp our brains, freedom may not always be possible.

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What do you do for those in need?

What do you do when those people need to be freed?

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The months after Karen had the baby were interesting. Sheila wouldn't venture out much, only staying at home or walking to the Gallagher's to help Debbie learn how to cook.

Karen had disappeared a week after leaving the hospital.

It was all I could do to get her to go on walks with me. She just wasn't the same.

Things with Lip were going well, Ian and Mickey were working through their issues. Carl was doing better in school, he only had three detentions in the last two weeks, Fiona was happy about that.

So when Mandy came to talk to Lip I was concerned. It was clear she had feelings for him but he was always with me, so she never said anything to him about it, that I knew of.

"I need your help," She said. I was in the living room after she gave me a sharp look a few moments before in the kitchen.

"With what, Mandy?"

"I have a half-sister."

"You have a sister?"

"Half. And yes, she called my dad. Apparently her mom OD'ed and died. She doesn't have any other family and she'll go in the system."

"Shit. You gonna go get her?"

"I don't have any way of getting her. Besides she'd probably be better off."

"She's your sister."

"So? I don't know her."

"Then what do you need my help for?"

"I dunno, to talk to I guess."

I sat in the living room but after hearing all this I walked in.

"Why don't you go get her?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why don't you go get her?"

"You heard me, I don't have a way. Besides, what do you care?"

"It's your family."

"So is my dad. And we've seen what he's capable of. She's two states over. She's better off."

"We're going to get her."

I had bought a cheap car with some of the money from the house and planned on getting my license once my leg had finally healed. I had just gotten the ok from the doctor about a week ago.

"I have a car. Lip can drive. You can come with, or give us the address, but that kid isn't going to sit there with a dead mom while the rest of her family sits around with their thumbs up their asses."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Are you coming? Or not?"

And that was how Mandy Milkovich became one of my best friends. A crazy, unpredictable, moody best friend, but a friend. The ride was long and tiring but we got her sister back to the Gallagher's by the next day.

In the end the trip was almost pointless. Molly was actually a boy, and "her" mother wasn't dead. Just an abusive meth addict who eventually came to pick her up. We couldn't keep her agains her mother's will but we did tip off her local police and Molly was put in the system a few weeks later.

Suddenly Mandy wasn't coming to the house to talk to Lip, she was asking him where I was, meeting me at The Kash, and hanging around with the two of us. We were great friends.

So when Karen came back and made it clear that she now knew what she wanted, Mandy was there for me while Lip was in school. Karen wanted him, and even though he made it clear to her, in front of me no less, that it wasn't gonna happen, Mandy had to scare her off multiple times.

It was getting ridiculous, and I knew Lip was worried about me.

"She was sniffing around again today." He said plopping down next to me on the couch. That was one thing I loved about him, he was upfront with shit. Mandy followed behind him with a more than normal angry look on her face.

"Calm down Mandy," he said to her. "You're a great guard dog." He said with a laugh.

"That dumb bitch needs to get her head out of her ass, and back off." She said.

"I don't know what happened on her run away spree but she came back a hell of a lot more persistent." I said.

"She thinks she has a hold on me."

"No one has a hold on you but Lyd. Everyone that spends three minutes with the two of you sickening honey sweet love birds knows that. Someone needs to knock that into her damn head."

"There will be no knocking of heads Mandy. You're even doing better in school now, there's no need to go off on a tangent."

"Doing better in school isn't going to get me anywhere."

"If you hang around us it will."

She got quiet so we started talking about Ian and Mickey, who were going through another rough patch. Terry had found them. Beat them to shit too.

"Svetlana is pregnant." Mandy said.

"Shit, only Terry would force his kid to impregnate a Russian whore."

"He told them they're gonna get married."

"Poor Ian, I asked why he was so beat up the other week but he just brushed it off."

"That would be my dad."

It was a few minutes later that she said she had to go and headed out to meet her brothers and help rough up some kid that owed them money. But Lip and I didn't mind the alone time.

For the next two minutes.

Fiona walked in ranting about idiots at work not understanding how tips worked.

"Some dick tip you with their phone number again?" I asked.

"You would think that they would understand that a required uniform of ass hugging skirts and a tit revealing top doesn't mean that I dressed for their phone numbers. God! Lip let me see your phone I gotta call V and see if any of her other friends know of jobs available. I can't deal with these dumbasses anymore."

He started to slap at his pockets and well shaped ass to pull it out, but the deeper he reached into his pockets the deeper he frowned.

"Ian must have the phone today, it's not in my pockets. Sorry Fi."

"But you text me earlier today," I said.

"Maybe I left it at school?" He said.

"Here Fi, you can use mine."

"It must be in my locker, Mandy asked to use it to call her brothers so she must have put it there when she was done."

"It's alright Lip don't worry about it, thanks Lyd I'll have it back to you in a little while," She said as she grabbed a beer from the fridge and her cigarettes off the table to sit on the back porch.

"How's Sheila been?" He asked me once the door shut.

"She's been alright, I can only ever talk to her, or go over, when Karen is at school though. She said she misses the dinners and having everyone at the house, but she's really glad that Karen is home. She really loves her."

"It's got to be hard to love someone so much for them to just shit all over you all the time."

"Yeah, it would be."

The Gallagher house started to fill with people soon enough and food was passed around laughter was shared. Frank was kicked out, and Fiona had another lead for a new job that sounded promising.

"Hey Ian, can we talk?" I asked as the family sat around the TV. He glanced at his hands for a second and nods before following me out to the back porch. I light a cigarette and take a long drag before passing it to him.

"So Svetlana is pregnant huh?" I ask.

He looks up at me shocked. The purpling around his eye is mostly faded and the scab that had run through his eyebrow was pink with new skin.

"You didn't know." I said. "I'm sorry Ian. That's a really fucked up situation."

"Nothin you coulda done."

"We coulda called the police. Got him locked the fuck up. He violated his parole Ian. He assaulted you."

"Wouldn't have done any good... He made me watch. Beat the piss out of me and forced me to sit there as Mickey fucked her."

"Ian. It would have done a hell of a lot. I'm sorry you had to watch that but you know how fucking scared Mickey is of Terry. That is why he does all this shit. With Terry in prison we can deal with a fucked up Russian bitch with a baby. With Terry out, all you can do is fucking sit there and let it happen."

"So we should have called the police, what fucking good is that to us now?"

"Maybe we can get him to break it again."

He paused with the cigarette half way to his mouth.

"You want to set him up?"

"You're Family, Iee. That means the person you love is family too. Even if it is Mickey fucking Milkovich. No one deserves the shit that you've both been put through... That Mandy has been put through. I say we set him up, yes. If he fucking dies in jail, even better. You know they hate woman beaters and child molesters in County. They don't care how long they're in for, for killing scum like him."

"Jesus Lyd, your talking about getting someone killed."

"I'm not saying that we get him killed, just that it would be an added bonus."

"So what would we do?"

"You remember that schoolgirl costume I wore for Halloween two years ago? It still fits."

"You're going to pimp yourself out?"

"Hell no. I'm going to take him to the Alibi."

He looked at me with a little fear mixed respect.

"You know... I'm glad we're friends. Because I don't think I'd stand a chance as your enemy." He said laughing.

"It's good to at least see you smiling again." He sat next to me as I lit another cigarette and promptly plucked it from my hand.

"Maybe one day all of our love lives will be all sorted and we won't have to worry about crazy whores trying to steal our men," he said.

"So you've noticed the nightmare named Karen is back." I said with a sarcastic smile.

"Oh yeah, she actually tried to befriend me the other day."

"And how did that go?" I said laughing.

"Well she started off sweet but when I told her to get her dick grubbing, small minded, bitchy hands away from me and my brother she kinda tried to kick me in the shin before storming off."

I was full on laughing now.

"She tried to kick you in the shin? How did she try?"

"She has pretty bad aim and ended up kicking the chair I was sitting in."

"Oh my god. She is relentless." We laughed for another minute before realizing the cigarette was a bust and put it out on the railing.

"It's getting cold out." I said.

"Well winter is kind of a thing universally but maybe it's just your soul."

I gasped in indignation and slapped his shoulder, laughing he stood and put his hand out to help me up.

"I am so mad that all of you are so much stronger than me it's not fair," I said as we opened the door and stepped into the kitchen. We were both laughing as we stepped in but when we saw the looks on everyone's faces it died down.

Fiona was standing in the threshold between the kitchen and living room with my phone in her hand. She looked sad but confused. Almost like she was wondering why she was upset.

"What happened?" I asked looking to Lip.

"I don't know, she just got off the phone with Sheila. She called and Fi still had your phone so she answered." He said as he walked over to Ian and I.

"Fi, what happened?" He asked her.

She paused for a moment.

"Karen is in the hospital. She was hit by a car, a hit and run... someone called it in, but when the police got there it was deserted. She might not make it through the night. Sheila wanted to see you."

—————*pb*—————

Holy shit you guys it has been forever since I updated last!!!

I am so sorry, but I am glad to announce that I will be graduating soon!!!

That means I'll be able to update more frequently!

So thank you for bearing with me and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Here's to many more!!

Drop4Lunar


	27. Ch 27

It's always hard to know that someone you love is capable of horrible things. Someone who loves hard, but is unforgiving. Almost like a wild animal that's been hurt one too many times, sneaky, protective of their own. It's even worse when it ends up killing someone.

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How do you protect the one who tries to protect you?

When you know it's all they know how to do?

—————*pb*—————

The ride to the hospital was quick, no one said a word. It was a horrible thing that I would most definitely never wish on anyone. She was a bitch, yes, but that didn't mean she needed to nearly die. I had called Sheila back and she was nearly beside herself with worry and relief at my voice.

I told her right then that I was on the way.

When we pulled in we all jumped out of the cars, Kevin's truck and my four door, and ran in. I recognized the receptionist and seeing us all again she sighed.

"Karen Jackson." I said. She knew we weren't going to wait so she gave us the room and watched exasperated as we all ran down the hall way.

"You go in," Fiona said. "We'll wait here."

"Lip," I said reaching my hand out to tug him in. He may be upset with her but she had still been a friend once.

The room was lit up, but only by a lamp on the bedside table. Karen was laid out with half of her head shaved and nasty looking staples to close an incision. Her leg was in a cast and her arms were dark purple in places. Her face looked like someone had taken a sander to it. It was horrible.

Sheila sat to one side of the room staring at her, tears coursing down her cheeks.

"Sheila?" I asked, she jumped a little before focusing on me. She hurried to stand and reached for a hug. It was long and filled with small choked sobs.

When we pulled back I glanced back at Karen.

"Sheila, what happened? Where was she?"

"Well she was so excited! She got Lip's text earlier today at school and she said she was going to meet him in the park, I was happy for her, she seemed so excited. I was worried of course because I knew that Lip wasn't going to tell her what she wanted to hear. I thought she would come home and finally want to talk... But... but then I got the call... and..." she choked on her words.

"Wait... Lip— a text from Lip?" I asked looking back to him.

"Sheila, I didn't text Karen. I haven't had my phone for half the day, I gave it to... can I see her phone?"

"It's in that bag on the drawers."

Dread was sleeping into my stomach. Lip and I looked at each other as he pulled out the phone. Sheila walked to Karen's side and started whispering to her as I went to Lips side.

"Hey, I need to see you, we have to talk. Meet me at the park next to the public pool." 11:37

My heart sunk even deeper. Lip and I had quit texting around nine that morning. Looking to him I whispered.

"Did she have your phone?"

His breathing was heavy, his eyes glossed over. He nodded.

It was a long night from then on. We knew what Sheila didn't, but we didn't have any other proof. We would just have to talk to her.

After an hour or so the nurse came in to tell us it was time to leave. We both hugged Sheila and told her everything would be alright, she was still alive and was a fighter.

We got the call the next morning that Karen was dead.

There had been bleeding on her brain that the surgeons had tried to stop, and it had worked for a while, but ultimately failed. Sheila was a wreck, but before we went to see her we had a stop to make.

Walking down the street we heard Mickey ask her whose blood was on the car, so we knew he hadn't done it for her.

"A girl from school."

"We'll make sure you get all the hair out of the grill, did it kill her?"

"No I don't think so."

"It better not have, or you're in deep shit."

"I'll be fine, go inside!"

We both stopped. She hadn't seen us yet so it was probably an ok time to back out of talking to her.

"We have to call the police."

"Lyd... it's Mandy..."

"I know. But think about it Lip. We know who committed a murder. Accidental or not... she's constantly angry, how is she going to support herself in the future? She's not great in school and I'm sure that she wants out of this town but the only way she's going to get it is if she marries someone rich, or becomes a high end escort. She's been through too much, it's messed with her head..."

"She didn't deserve any of that."

"No she didn't, but she took everything out on the wrong person... she took a life."

"I can't do it..." he looked guilty that he couldn't be the one to go to the police. But I understood, in the end it would all be for her own good, so I nodded and pulled out my phone. Ultimately life would be better for her

When I got off the phone with the dispatch center we waited around on the sidewalk for a few minutes. Soon, I heard sirens around the corner and I could only cry as I watched from down the road as they pulled a up in front of the Milkovich house.

They must have seen the car... the hair and blood she had been trying to clean... the dented hood...

They pulled her kicking and screaming from the front yard and shoved her in the back seat. Mikey has run out of the house yelling.

And all I could do was cry as they passed by us on the road and saw her staring out the window at us, tears running down her own cheeks.

Mickey ran out into the road and saw us down the street.

"What the fuck happened? Where the hell are they taking her?" He yelled.

"Mickey..." I said.

"What the fuck did you do Gallagher?" he said looking to Lip.

"He didn't do anything!" I yelled.

"She killed that girl, Mickey... Karen Jackson. She used Lip's phone and made her think she was going to see him. And she plowed her down."

"Why the fuck would she do that?! She doesn't give a fuck about you any more Gallagher."

"I think it was for me." I said quietly.

"You? And you fucking called the cops, what the hell is wrong with you, she'll go to fucking jail!"

"She wanted to get her out of my way."

"She barely even knows you, why the fuck would she help you."

"I helped her. And I guess this was her way of helping me back. I didn't want her to die, I didn't even want her to be hurt! Mandy knew that. I- I just wanted her to leave us alone. I didn't think Mandy would go and do something about it."

"Jesus, fuck, Lydia." Mickey looked exasperated and saddened.

I nodded. He sighed and grabbed his head.

"What kind of life would she have out here Mick?... what would she do? Be a prostitute and always be scared for her life?... that's not a life."

"Neither is one behind bars."

"All she ever wanted was security. She'll have a roof over her head, people to talk to, food to eat, and she'll never have to worry about getting evicted, where to find the money for food, or how she's gonna have to get it. It'll be good for her Mickey. And she's a minor, she might get a lighter sentence than we think."

He looked at me long and hard. Probably trying to figure out if I had Mandy's best interest at heart. He must have seen what he was looking for because suddenly his shoulders sagged and all he could let out was a mumbled "fuck."

"I'm sorry, Mickey." I said walking over and hugging him. He griped my shoulder lightly with one arm before letting go and starting to walk back towards the house.

"Hey Mick!" I called out. He turned back.

"What," he called back.

"You know where your dad is?" I asked.

"He's at the Alibi, why?"

"Don't worry about it." I said. "I'll see you later." I said before grabbing Lip's arm and turning to walk off.

"Hey! I really did like that school girl outfit! It'll work!" He yelled at our backs.

"I thought it might," I yelled back with a smile.

"Schoolgirl outfit? From that Halloween?"

"Yeah, Terry is in for a real shit night."

"You trying to put all the Milkovich family behind bars today?"

"Nope, I was hoping for just the one, but I couldn't let her solve her problems that way."

We walked in silence for a few minutes.

"So what are you gonna do with that schoolgirl outfit?" He asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I said with a wink.

—————*pb*—————

"Sheila?" I called as I walked into the house. This was going to be the worst part, telling her what had happened and why...

I found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the picture of Karen and her father from the night of the purity ball.

"Sheila. I need to tell you what happened..."

She glanced at me and then back to the picture.

"She was so happy here... they were finally getting along... come sit with me."

I sat next to her gingerly.

"Go ahead," She said.

"It was Mandy Milkovich... she took Lips phone and told him she needed to call her brother... but she text Karen. She set her up."

"But wh- why would she do that. That was my baby! My-" she choked on a sob.

"She did it because... because Karen was going after Lip."

"What did Mandy want with Lip?"

"Nothing... She- she thought that Karen was trying to get to close to Lip, and she's protective. It doesn't excuse anything. She's unstable, Sheila. In her mind she did it for me."

"For you."

I knew there was no way to make up for anything. Her child had been ripped from the world in a horrific way. It was my fault.

"She knew how unhappy it made me that Karen kept trying to get Lip. It was stupid, and juvenile. I tried to tell her not to hurt anyone and I thought if anything she would try to fight her. I didn't know she had it in her to... to kill anyone. I'm sorry Sheila."

We sat in silence for a long time. My hand in hers and her stroking my thumb with her own. Suddenly she sighed and broke the silence.

"I bought an RV."

That threw me through a loop. Suddenly I took a better look around and realized that all of her things were bare, empty.

"I'm giving the house to you."

"To-... to me? What?"

"This is your house now, you're on the deed. The taxes for this year are paid. I'm going on a trip."

"Are you coming back?" She paused for a long time, still staring at the photo.

"You have helped me, in ways I never thought anyone could. You gave me back my freedom, but by bit. And you gave me the opportunity to be a good mother. And I have no one else to leave it to. So I want you to have it. Do whatever you want. Sell it, live in it, burn it for all I care... this has been my home, and my prison, for far too long."

With that she stood and put the picture in her purse. Grabbed a large set of keys and handed me the paper work for the house and a single house key.

"I'm sorry to leave like this but... I just can't stand to be here a minute longer," She said before hugging me and walking out to door.

I rushed after her and watched as she climbed into a large RV, and drove off down the street. It was then that something clicked in my head.

I would never see Sheila Jackson again.

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Hello everyone! Back again today!

I don't know if this chapter is any good but I do hope everyone liked it!! I am so happy to be writing again!

Let me know what you think and enjoy!!

Drop4Lunar


	28. Ch 28

It's hard to see those you love in pain. It's even harder to know you caused it, but hope can always be found. Hope that, if not forgiveness, understanding can be found.

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How do you tell someone you love them?

In the heat of the moment, or in despite of the heat?

—————*pb*—————

"So she just left?" Fiona said, worried after I'd come back to the house in tears.

I nodded. It had been a few hours since I had watched Sheila drive off, I had sat on the living room couch for what felt like days. When I had finally calmed down some I had read over the paperwork she had given me and a new bout of tears washed over me.

She had left the house and everything inside to me as she went on an extended trip. No number, no other notes, and no expected return date. It just drove in my realization that I'd never see her again even deeper.

I had walked home in a daze.

"So are you gonna sell it, like your parents house?" She asked.

"I dunno, that house has a little more... happiness to it. I — I mean... it's not happy but it's... hopeful."

"Maybe you could rent it." She said slowly.

"You looking for a new place to stay?" I asked.

"No, I'd probably go crazy if I left this house with all these kids, but I'm sure someone would be more than happy to pay rent for a place like that."

"And it'd be steady money..."

"Maybe you won't have to back to The Kash..."

"I don't think I'll ever work there again," I said laughing a bit.

We were sitting at the kitchen table. Debbie was upstairs with Liam and Carl probably playing battleship, Ian was at The Kash probably twiddling his thumbs and waiting to finally clock out. No telling where Lip was.

The door burst open suddenly.

"Fiona! Have you seen— Lyd. Hey, where did you go? I've been looking all over town." He said exasperated. He walked over as I stood and pulled me into a long hug. The tears that I'd just finished drying bloomed again, leaking onto his jacketed shoulder.

"She's gone."

"Who, babe? Mandy? She's not gone, Lyd, they just took her in—"

"No... not Mandy. Sheila. I went over to tell her everything— the truth. I told her the truth. She left in this huge RV and gave me her house and everything in it. She's just... gone."

"Aww Lyd..." I shuddered as more tears fell. When I finally calmed down he sat in the seat I'd vacated and pulled me into his lap.

"I was just talking to Fiona about what to do with the house."

"Why is it people are always leaving you houses? You've got to be one lucky south side kid."

I chuckled.

"Oh yeah real lucky. Got the first from child abuse and my dads spite for my mom and the second because one of my best friends killed a girl who's mom I tried to steal."

I looked down at him with a sly smirk. It probably came out odd through my puffed eyelids but it got the point across. Fi bust out in giggles and Lip chuckled at me.

"Ok... luck with south side twists... so what are you gonna do with it? Sell it?"

"I was thinking about renting it out. You know anyone looking for a place?"

He paused for a long moment.

"I might know someone. But I don't know if you're going to like it."

—————*pb*—————

"I can't believe we're doing this." I said as we stared at the broken down doorway in front of us.

"We don't have to, you know? We could just turn around and leave," Lip said a smirk in his voice. I glanced over, it was on his face too.

I reached up and knocked on the softened wood of the door frame.

"Hold on a second!" We waited for another minute. I knocked again.

"I said hold on, god! Doesn't anybody have any damn patience anymore!" Mickey said as he yanked the door open.

"What the fuck do you want?" He asked.

"Look are any of your brothers home? Or cousins, whoever they are?"

"No, why does that matter?"

I looked at Lip, and him at me, before glancing back at Mickey. Slowly my eyes roamed over the house.

"Do you like living here, Mick?"

"The fuck are you talking about?"

"She asked if you like this house."

"Who the fuck would like this house?" He asked.

"So do you want a new one?"

"You have one in your back pocket or something?"

"Nope but I got one for rent about ten minutes that way. Cheap, if you got the money."

"How do you expect me to come up with the money for that? And where the hell did you get a house? The state just givin those things away now?"

"I don't care how you get the money. And Karen's mom left it to me, took a long trip. But if you don't want it I'm sure I can find someone else, come on Lip." I said turning to walk down the path.

"Hey! How much we talking?" Mickey said. I looked to Lip and smiled.

—————*pb*—————

"Alright look Mick. I don't expect you to like garden or anything. Or mow the lawn or anything, but please for the love of all that is holy don't trash the place?"

"I'm not gonna trash the place Lyd, Jesus. I haven't lived in a fucking house this damn clean all my life. You think I want to go back to that shit?" He said jabbing a finger in the direction of his loosely termed "family home."

"Well it's four hundred a month. That covers you , one other person, and the water and electricity. You have another person come in past two people and it's another fifty. Sound fair?"

He nodded.

"That sounds more than fuckin fair. You need a security deposit?"

I pulled a folder of old receipts out.

"Nope," I said. "You break it you buy it. And I know the price of almost everything in this house. But I don't think you'll mess it up. Just... please. Use the fucking shower, and if your gross relatives stay with you make sure they don't fuck anything up."

He scoffed but it was also a little bit of a laugh.

"Those assholes aren't staying with me forget that. You think I'm gonna tell them where I live? I'd rather suck your boyfriends toe."

"Ew, gross." I said scrunching my face.

"What, that not your kink?" He said raising an eyebrow and rolling his tongue behind his teeth.

"Shut up Mickey. So here I wrote out a contract that basically says what we just agreed. Once I get back to the house I'll type it up and print out a couple copies, one for you and one for me, that we'll both sign. Until then," I said pulling out a couple of keys. "This one is yours, if you need more copies let me know and I'll write up how many you have on the back of the contracts."

"Sounds good Walsh."

Lip was standing off in the kitchen doorway. I looked over at him and smiled. Maybe there wasn't a way to make Sheila okay, or Mandy understand that violence wasn't necessary sometimes, but I could help Mickey open up. Let him be himself in his own space.

"Alright then. We'll get out of your hair. Oh and you can take off those furniture covers in you want."

"You kidding? I don't want my shit to get dirty. No, I'll leave them on. And you said this place has a washer and dryer? I gotta wash these clothes before I do anything, they reek."

Lip looked at me with half a smirk and raised eyebrows. I shook my head and laughed.

"Yeah Mick it's got everything you need. There's probably still some food in the fridge, enough to last a couple of days. You got any questions you know my cell number. Land line's right over there."

"You're alright Lyd, you know that?"

"You'll get over it." I said laughing. I walked up to Lip and grabbed his hand.

"We're gonna head out, Mickey. Enjoy the new digs." Lip said. We walked to the door and grabbed our coats.

"Hey Gallagher!"

"Yeah?"

"Not you, her dipshit."

I laughed, "what's up?" I asked.

"She's not mad you know, Mandy. She's just hurt. I talked to her, about what you said... just talk to her, yeah?"

I swallowed a knot in my throat.

"I'll think about it..."

He nodded.

"Alright... now get the fuck out. I gotta shower and shit. And I got a doorbell now so no more beating down my front door you'll scuff it up." He said before herding us out and slamming the door in our faces.

"Well that was a warmer goodbye than I expected, huh?" I asked shoving the four hundred Mickey had given me into my wallet after pulling it from my back pocket.

"To be honest I expected a 'fuck off' and getting flipped off. So yeah, much warmer," he said laughing as he threw his arm around my shoulders.

"I'm thinking about cutting off my hair. What do you think?"

He pondered for a moment.

"I think it'd be pretty." He said smiling down at me.

"I love you, you know?" I said.

"I love you too, Lyd." He smiled.

I reached up and grabbed his hand on my shoulder and leaned into his just as he leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

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Hey guys!! So sorry that this chapter is late and a bit short. But I just wanted to give you something! I'm running a little short on inspiration.

But in other news this story is at #4 under the Shameless tag!! It's super exciting!

I hope you all enjoy!!

Drop4Lunar


	29. Ch 29

I never thought that my appearance was all that great until I met him. It became a game to see what he would notice. The color red drew his eyes, mid thigh skirts had them following my every move. And while my hair was long and easy to grip, I've always preferred the mid morning tousled look of a blunt mid throat bob. Apparently he does too.

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What do you give someone who has given you everything?

You give them yourself, and the hope that you bring.

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Lips graduation party was in full swing. Everyone had a bottle in hand but Debbie, Carl, and Liam who was happily turning up his sippy cup and bobbing to the music.

The day had been amazing, Lip grudgingly posed for the hundreds of pictures Fiona and I had wanted and would only smile if I was making faces at him like he was a two year old. Carl had ripped off his button up as soon as we had stepped out of the graduation ceremony and had refused to put on a shirt since. Debbie has carried a giggly Liam around for most of the day and Fiona had rushed around like a chicken with her head cut off until she thought everything for the party was ready.

I was tasked with getting Lip up, dressed, and to the ceremony. Which I think was the hardest part of the whole thing.

"You're acting like a two year old." I said.

"It's a piece of paper I don't get why I have to walk across some stage to get it in front of a bunch of overdressed idiots packed in like sardines."

"You calling me an overdressed idiot sardine?" I asked with a playful smirk.

He looked me up and down, my red blouse, black skirt, and thick black cargo boots, then to my face an newly lobbed off hair.

"You are always over dressed in my opinion, beautiful."

"Flattery isn't going to get you out of this one Phillip Ronan Gallagher. Get up. Get showered and dressed. And come meet me in the kitchen in twenty minutes or you won't get your graduation gifts."

"Gifts? You mean there's more than one?" He asked his eyebrows raising.

I just smirked and threw his dress pants at him before walking out.

We now stood swaying to the music, his tie loose and top buttons undone with his arms around my waist and chin on my shoulder. A cold bottle was dangling from both our hands. We just watched the crazy unfold in the living room. It was truly peaceful.

Until Frank decided to barge in the door.

"Who decided to have a party without me?" He yelled stumbling in through the second doorframe. Everyone slowed their dancing, their heads turning to take him in.

He was red faced and greasy, his jean jacket clashing with the dressed up group.

"Who died?" He asked.

"No one died, Frank." Lip said raising his head from my shoulder.

"Lip graduated today!" Debbie said excitedly.

"He's only sixteen Debs, he hasn't finished high school yet." Frank said confused.

"He's eighteen now Frank. And a high school graduate. Just because you can't tell minutes from years doesn't mean time hasn't passed. What did you want anyway, why are you here?" I said.

He looked at me confused at first then slowly he got more and more angry.

"You. You're the reason I'm out on my ass. You sold my house to that arrogant shit!" He said jabbing his finger at me, quickly stumbling closer.

I tried backing away and Lip rushed in front of me grabbing Frank by the shoulders and hauling him back by the jacket. He threw him against the wall red faced and puffing.

"You even think about laying a hand on her you're dead."

Frank tried throwing him off with a disgruntled huff but Lip was too strong for his inebriated struggles. That and he saw Kevin and Ian perched behind either side of Lip, just as ready to defend me as he was.

"I didn't sell the house Frank. And it was never yours. It's mine, got a deed and everything. Mickey's renting it."

"That's my house! I worked hard for that!"

"You've never worked hard a day in your life." Lip hissed in his ear. With a heave he pulled Frank off the wall and to the front door before shoving him out onto the porch.

"Stay the fuck away Frank."

"Look at you all. Defending a home-wrecking slut." He spat.

Lip knocked him on his ass, out cold.

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"Hey... I'm sorry the party was ruined." Lip said a few hours later when it was just the two of us left on the couch.

"There's Nothing for you to be sorry for, Lip."

"I just hope that I didn't... scare you. I don't wanna scare you."

I smiled at him and pulled him close, he wrapped his arm around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder. I reached up to massage the back of his neck, playing with his hair.

"You don't scare me Lip, I know where your heart is."

He squeezed me closer, humming gently, and lightly rubbing my back.

"You ready to go to bed, baby?" I asked. It was nearly two in the morning.

"Yeah let's go."

We walked up the stairs where he headed into the bathroom. I stepped into the bedroom and changed into one of his large t-shirts and some boy-shorts before following him into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

He stood in front of the mirror with his hair day tousled, tie hanging undone around his shoulders with his shirt unbuttoned, and his toothbrush between his lips. He looked good.

He smirked around his toothbrush eying me with a quirked brow. I smiled at him and began brushing my teeth beside him.

When we walked back into the bedroom I laid out on the bed as he changed clothes. He laid the button up out on the dresser and he hung his tie on the back of the door. His shoulder blades rippled as he pulled his white wife-beater undershirt off and over his tanned skin. He smiled at me in the mirror and I smiled back.

His dress pants were swapped for a pair of loose sleep shorts and he turned to me before dramatically flopping down on the bed.

I laughed at him laying there like a starfish before he curled up clinging to my back and tucking his face into the crook of my neck, kissing it gently.

I hummed, rolling over to give him a proper kiss. Our legs tangled and his arms went around my back.

"Big day huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, big day. Walking a stage, knocking out my dad, big stuff." He laughed with a smile.

"The best part though is, I got to spend the whole day with you."

"And you know what?" I asked.

"What?"

"You never got your presents." I smirked.

"Ok," he laughed. "Where are they?"

I smirked at him, looking down and blushing a bit. Then I reached down and toyed with the waist of his shorts. Looking back up to his face he looked a bit confused through his smile.

"You're gonna have to unwrap them..." I said pulling one of his hands to my hip.

"Yeah?" He asked sliding one of his hands under the shirt.

"Yeah..." I smiled as he pulled me closer.

"You're sure?" He asked under his breath. Our faces got closer as I shuffled into his touch.

With our noses a so close they bumped together as I nodded. Slowly our lips connected, each of us melting together as he moved to hover over me.

Before the night was over he got all of his gifts, and even a couple extra.

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I've been trying to post you guys I promise but I've really been feeling some fluffy vibes that I don't think I've really showcased lately.

But I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! I did!

Happy reading!

Drop4Lunar


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